Learning to Fall
by Ana Denali
Summary: When learning to stand, everyone must also learn to fall. Sequel to 'Learning to Stand'. Shigure walks a fine line between his obedience to Akito and his desire to resurrect Tamae's memories...and the consequences if he succeeds. Chapter 28 up! finished
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Mikage Tamae, however, is my own creation.

A/N: I had originally uploaded this as 'Where the Muse Takes You' before the revelations/spoilers of chapter 97 in the manga. At least I think it was 97. Anyhow, I debated about whether or not to keep my present Akito or replace it with the newly 'revealed' Akito...eventually, I decided that since I completed 'Learning to Stand' with a male Akito then I should continue along that course. I'd like to thank all the readers who reviewed my previous fic--hopefully you'll continue to read this one. R&R, onegai!

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**Learning to Fall**

Prologue 

Sohma Shigure knelt several feet behind the young woman. To the casual observer, she appeared relaxed. On closer inspection, however, he noticed the tightness through her shoulders and back, the stiffness of her arms as she placed her hands in her lap. Her head was down, making her hair droop down the sides of her face. She waited.

So did he. Waited for the young man who lounged by the open shoji door to acknowledge their presence. Waited for his interrogation of the woman, waited for the inevitable explosion. It seemed that whenever an outsider was involved, he always waited for the inevitable.

Finally the young man stood. He moved to stand before the woman slowly, lethargically, drawing out the moment of suspense with an expertise worthy of the greatest actors. The woman didn't move as his feet stilled in front of her.

"You are Mikage Tamae." It was not a question.

"Hai, Sohma-sama," came her reply. Shigure wasn't surprised by the firmness in her tone. In all the time he'd known her, she'd been a fighter.

"Sohma...sama? My, we are well-informed." Akito said dryly. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Not exactly, Sohma-sama." She still had her head down. He leaned down and cupped his hand beneath her chin, pulling her eyes to meet his.

"You're here because you're poison, Mikage Tamae...chan." At the word 'poison' Tamae stiffened. _Now why would she do that?_

"I don't understand."

"I wouldn't expect you to. You're nothing, like that idiot girl who tried to take my Yuki away from me. You tried to take away my uma."

"Your uma?" Shigure hid his smile. Tamae was trying to play dumb.

"Yes. My dear, tortured little Rin. You tried to take her away!"

"This is about...Isuzu-chan?" Tamae asked in feigned wonder. Akito tightened his grip on her jaw and she flinched back.

"Don't you ever refer to her with such familiarity. She's mine! I won't let anyone else have her, especially not some stupid, ugly, disgusting outsider!" Akito snarled. Tamae back straightened and Shigure knew that Akito had gotten what he wanted. Tamae was going to fight him. And Akito was going to punish her for it.

"She's yours? You don't even want her. You treat her like she's some animal. Like she's your own personal whipping post. You treat them all like that!" Tamae kept her voice low, but the anger in her tone had Akito smiling coldly. _Bad move, Tamae-san._

"You're right; I don't _want_ her. She's nothing but a worthless uma. But she's my worthless uma."

"She's not worthless."

"Not to you. I wonder, when you found out about her curse, did you love her more for it? Was it easier to love her because of it?"

"I loved her before I discovered it. She's my friend. It's a part of her. That's all I needed to know." Akito knelt down before Tamae, effectively hiding his expression from the observant Shigure.

"Is that so? You hurt her, Tamae-chan. Knowing you hurts her. Your acceptance hurts her. The only peace she can ever have is with us. You're nothing but a source of pain for her."

"I won't ever believe that."

"She told you about the curse to drive you away, yet you stayed. Tamae-chan is selfish."

"She didn't tell me. I figured it out on my own. Everyone told me to stop, but I kept on. I ignored them."

"Selfish."

"Hai, it was. But secrets are meant to be uncovered, aren't they? I could never resist a mystery." Tamae said the last cockily, daring Akito to do his worst. Akito only chuckled. _He must be in a good mood today._

"And now you'll pay for that. Baka onna. No matter what you do, she belongs to me. She'll always belong to me. And I say you have no place in her life any longer. She'll pay for thinking she could escape me through you."

"You won't hurt her! I won't let you."

"Let?" Akito's voice lowered. "Let? How will you stop me? You won't even know her! That will be punishment enough, I think--to meet the unrecognizing gaze of her friend. Every time she sees you she'll know that she's the reason you aren't her friend. And she'll be so hurt, so saddened by this that she'll never think to look outside for companionship again." He stood up again, releasing his grip on Tamae's face. She stared up at him with a mixture of revulsion and pity.

"You're just like him." She mused aloud. Her mouth quirked with odd humor.

"Eh?"

"Sohma Katsuo-sama. You're just like him. Are all the jyuunishi gods like the two of you, I wonder? Does absolute power over so few drive you all mad? Are you so afraid they'll leave you that you'll torture their bodies and their souls to keep them chained?" Akito and Shigure both stared at the kneeling woman in shock. No one had dared challenge _God_ so brazenly.

"How dare you!" Akito raised a hand and brought it crashing down across her face. She brought her own hand to her cheek and smiled at him.

"I have nothing to lose. You called me poison. It's funny that you should use that word, Sohma-sama; I used the same one for you." Akito backed away from her, rage flushing his cheeks. He finally centered his gaze on the man kneeling behind her.

"Shigure! Take this..._thing_... to Hatori. I want her memories erased! I want her to know nothing about her _friendship_, about the curse or the Sohmas! And I want Rin to watch." Shigure carefully kept his expression bland. Tamae had taken a foolish risk and for what--to get a little of her own back? Akito turned away from the pair and Shigure rose, walking to where the young woman still knelt.

"Tamae-san, we must go now." She looked up at him, her eyes awash with tears and—regret?

"H-hai, Sohma-san." She let him help her to her feet. Briskly, he escorted her from Akito's quarters, keeping a hand on her elbow.

"That was foolish, Tamae-san. If I didn't know better, I'd say you _wanted_ him to order your memories erased." She sighed at his accusation.

"It was going to happen eventually. I don't want Isuzu-chan to always be so afraid. Maybe, subconsciously, I did push Akito. But Shigure, was there even a chance that he'd have let me go with my memory intact?" Shigure stopped her, considering her question for a long moment.

"He was in a good mood, Tamae-san. I don't know if he would have or not. I only know that you played a foolish hand and are now only considering the possibility that it didn't have to be this way. That is very unlike you." Her shoulders slumped at his response.

"Take me to Hatori-san, Sohma-san." She said wearily. She looked very like she had the time he'd confronted her about her knowledge. He felt an odd urge to comfort her.

"It will be all right, Tamae-san."

"Can you say that and believe it, Sohma-san? When my memories are gone, the person I am will be gone as well. If I meet you by chance, will you be disappointed in the person I'll become? Will Isuzu-chan? I don't want to forget!" she said, near crying.

"I think that whoever you'll be, you'll still be Tamae-san."

"But I won't be the _same_ Tamae!" she cried. "I'll be the Tamae that wore shapeless clothes and ignored everyone around her because she was too afraid they wouldn't accept her. I'll be the Tamae that had to lie to approach Isuzu-chan. I'll be the Tamae who didn't learn that someone else was more important..." she trailed off. Shigure was glaring—_glaring!_—at her.

"Hai, you might be that Tamae,. But there's no sense in getting worked up over it now. What's done is done. Now deal with the consequences. Rin-san still needs you to be strong." He grabbed her elbow and dragged her to Hatori's house.

"You can let go, Sohma-san." Tamae told him once they'd reached it. "I'm all right now." Greatly daring, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Arigatou, Sohma-san. You've been a good friend. I'll be sorry to forget you, too."

He smiled at her. "Is that what it takes to get a kiss from Tamae-san? Yelling at her? I'll have to keep that in mind for later!" She blushed. He opened the door and bowed solicitously, waving the young woman on to her fate.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Mikage Tamae is my own creation.

Chapter 1

Shigure leaned back in the comfortable leather chair, keeping his face bland. The head of the languages department adjusted his thick glasses as he glanced over the file detailing Shigure's qualifications for the mentoring position he'd applied for. He smirked to himself. Of course he would get it. He couldn't afford not to get it.

"Everything appears to be in order, Sohma-san. I'm surprised an author of your status would take an interest in a student whose studies are so different from your own career."

"I'm actually using this as research for a novel I'm currently working on. The main character is a young woman studying to be an archivist who stumbles upon an ancient document that changes her life." He mentally patted himself on the back for that one. "I'd like to have a student's point of view for it and when I learned of this university's archeological specialties I thought I might be able to find someone here who could provide that for me. This program seemed a fortuitous way of achieving that."

The bespectacled man grunted at his explanation. "As it so happens," he replied slowly, "we do have a student currently in this department whose performance of late has been, shall we say, less than satisfactory. Her file lists her major as Archive Studies. Perhaps she would be acceptable to you?"

"What is her name?"

"Mikage Tamae. Her father is a respected archeologist and very concerned at the change in her performance. He's actually the one who applied for a place in this program on her behalf." Shigure let a small smile curve his mouth. Everything was going according to plan.

"I won't know if she's acceptable until I've met her in person, you understand. Mentoring a troubled student whose personality is incompatible with my own would be...difficult."

"Of course, Sohma-san! We'll schedule a meeting with her posthaste."

Exactly one week later, Shigure was in another room in the building waiting for Tamae-san. _No, not Tamae-san_, he reminded himself. _Tamae-san is gone._ The thought saddened him for a moment before he ruthlessly squashed the odd pity in the back of his mind and brought his main objective back to the front of his mind. Rin was still attending this school, after all. He had to make sure she would find him acceptable as a mentor so he could find out her class schedule for the next term. Rin must not be allowed to attend the same classes—too risky.

A soft knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. "Please, come in." The young woman who entered shyly was nearly unrecognizable as the young woman in the red dress who had faced Akito with such audacity. Her sweater was at least one size too large for her frame and her trousers were obviously designed for someone with larger hips. Her head was down; her straight hair obscured what little he could see of her face. When she bowed, her hands fisted convulsively at her sides. _So, she still does that. Some things don't change, it would seem._

"Hajimemashitte. I am Mikage Tamae, Sohma-sensei." Her voice was so low he could barely hear her. He stood from his chair and bowed in return.

"Hajimemashitte, Mikage-san. Please, sit down. I don't stand much on formality." She lowered herself into the seat opposite his stiffly. "How are you today?"

"I'm...fine, Sohma-sensei." She still didn't look at him; instead, her eyes darted from her hands to various parts of the room to the door and back to her hands. "And you?"

"I'm doing quite well. I must admit I'm rather excited by the opportunity this program has presented to me." He made his voice warm and cheerful. It wouldn't do to alarm her.

"Oh?"

"Hai. I have a confession, Mikage-san. I'm actually researching a novel. I need a student's point of view and knowledge of the rigors of study in a particular field."

"A particular field?" She kept her eyes on her hands. Part of him wanted to lean over to her and lift her chin so he could see her eyes, but that would probably be much too forward for her.

"Hmmm, hai. The main character in the novel I'm currently working on is a student studying to be an archivist. There aren't many who do that these days! Isn't Archive Studies your major, Mikage-san?"

"Ah, hai. Demo, I'm not terribly skilled at it. I'm still learning..."

"So is my character. I'm afraid it's been too long since I attended university. I need a fresh point of view, so to speak." She peeked out at him. He still had his most engaging smile plastered on his face—the one that bowled over so many young, naïve girls. She quickly returned her gaze to her lap and he sighed to himself. _If she was like this before, how did she ever summon up the courage to approach Rin to begin with?_

"I don't know what I'm doing here..." She said suddenly. "My father entered me into this program. I didn't realize I was doing so badly as to need guidance..."

"Ma ma, Mikage-san! I'm sure your father is merely concerned for your welfare. I promise I won't involve myself any more than you'll let me. Demo, I do need your help with my work. Will you take pity on a hapless writer and assist me?" Finally, he saw a small, timid smile grace her face. She raised her head a little higher so her gaze was level with his chin.

"I don't know how much help I'll be, Sohma-sensei." He waved a hand at her protestations.

"I'm sure you're just the person who can help me, Mikage-san. Any input you can provide will be welcome! Please?" He assumed a slightly hangdog look. She was silent for a long minute before she answered.

"Hai. I'll help you, Sohma-sensei."

"Wonderful! Arigatou, Mikage-san!" He jumped up, startling her, and held out his hand in a Western gesture. "Shake on it?" She stared up at him with wide eyes.

"S-shake?"

"Hai! It's a Western custom that I quite like. When two people enter into an agreement, they shake hands! I'm sure you've heard of it." He allowed himself the luxury of a true smile. She looked so priceless, sitting there staring up at him with a dazed expression on her face.

"Ah...okay." She stood slowly and wrapped her smaller hand around his. He shook it firmly, tightening his hand on hers so she wouldn't slip free.

"Mikage-san," he said easily, "I think this is the start of a beautiful partnership!" She simply stared at him again. Her eyes were hazel. He'd thought them brown before.


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. I do own the character Mikage Tamae and any family members I create for her.

Chapter 2

"Tamae? How did your meeting with your mentor go?" Tamae cringed inwardly at her father's voice. She knew that her work hadn't been exactly up to par and she appreciated that he was so concerned he would apply for a position in the mentoring program for her, but she still resented that he hadn't discussed it with her first.

"It was fine, Otosan," she replied. "He was very nice."

"His name is Sohma, correct?"

"Hai. He's a writer. I don't quite know why a writer would be interested in the program, but he's acceptable to me." He was also very...attractive. That bothered her. She didn't want to be attracted to anyone. Not right now.

"He's also part of a very large, very powerful family." Her father mused.

"I didn't know that. Perhaps I should apply for another?" _It wouldn't do to cause trouble for Otosan_.

"Ie, I was just thinking out loud. Do you think he will be able to help you?" She thought for a minute before answering.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "My professors seem to think I'm in need of help. I know that I've been depressed lately but I'll pull through it, Otosan. There's just something that's been bothering me."

"Do you mind if I ask what?" She really didn't deserve to have a father who took such an interest in his daughter's life. She felt guilty for her lingering resentment towards him.

"I'm not sure. It's probably just a delayed stress reaction. You shouldn't have to worry so much about me. I'm sorry." She meant it.

"It's my job to worry about you, Tamae. I want you to be happy."

"I know, Otosan. Arigatou. I'll try to do better in my studies."

"That's not what this is about, Ta-kun." He sounded even more concerned. She knew she was withdrawing. She couldn't help it. She sighed.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just...I don't know." _There's a wall in my head._ She was aware of it, but she couldn't remember if it had always been there. Maybe it had. Maybe it was the reason why she couldn't get close to anyone.

"I'm kind of tired, Otosan. I should get up early tomorrow and go to the library." She changed the subject abruptly. She didn't want to think about anything right now, especially her father's concern and her own depression.

"I understand, Tamae. Sleep well. Your mother is looking forward to having you over for dinner this weekend."

"I'm looking forward to eating her cooking! I'm not very good at that sort of thing. I must take after you." He laughed at that.

"I suppose you do. Have a good night, Tamae."

"Oyasuminasai, Otosan." She hung up the phone, wishing it had been a cradle phone instead of a cell. There was something so satisfying about setting down a handset with a 'click'. Sighing, she laid down on her futon and quickly fell asleep.

"Ohayougozaimasu, Mikage-san! How are you today?" She blinked out of a research trance to see Sohma-sensei sitting in the chair opposite her. _When did he get here?_

_She still loses herself in research. I wonder if that's an escape for her? _Shigure had actually been sitting there for several long minutes before he spoke up, examining her bent head and musing on how to move forward.

"Ah...ohayougozaimasu, Sohma-sensei. I'm doing well." She kept her gaze on his left ear. She always felt so...naked...when she looked in people's eyes. Like they could see right through her. It made her uncomfortable. "H-how are you?"

"Fine, fine. It's a nice morning. Do you always come to the library to study?" He already knew the answer.

"Ah, hai. My apartment is very small and there isn't much light...it's easier just to come here." She replied in a rush. _Why am I so nervous? It's not a strange question._

"You must not spend much time at home." It was an observation. Shigure leaned back in his chair, the picture of ease. Her eyes moved from his ear to the space behind him. _Why doesn't she look at my face? Did she act like this with Rin?_ It was a shame he couldn't ask Rin about Tamae's behavior when they'd first met.

"I don't."

"Then it's a good thing I thought to look for you here! I wanted to ask you for your class schedule." She blinked at him.

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"So I'll know when you're in class, what classes you're taking, and so on. It will help with developing my character. And acting as your mentor, I'll need to know when your time is occupied so I won't inadvertently schedule a meeting with you when you're in class." It was a plausible excuse. He wondered if she would appreciate the reason of it like the girl he'd known would have.

"I see. Of course, you may have it." She pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and quickly scribbled out her schedule, the names of her classes and her instructors. As he examined it, he noticed her precise writing.

"You have very nice handwriting, Mikage-san. Very legible."

"A-arigatou, Sohma-sensei." Her gaze shot to his face for a brief second before again focusing on the air next to his head. He returned his attention to her class schedule.

"Is it usual for students to take so many classes?" He couldn't stop himself from asking the question. She had listed eight—_eight_!—classes, not including study groups, labs, and personal study time. Her day was scheduled to the nth degree!

"Ah...ie, Sohma-sensei. I...don't know why I signed on for so many classes this term. I've been...distracted...lately." Her eyes flicked down to the open text on the table and stayed there.

"Distracted?" Now _this_ was interesting.

"Ah, hai." She admitted reluctantly.

"In what way?" _Better not come on too strong._

"I'm not sure. Every time I try to figure it out, I feel like I hit a wall in my mind." She shrugged, eyes still on her book. "I'm sure I'll get through it eventually."

_That would not be good. _Akito had been right. Perhaps her personality was too strong for Hatori's hypnosis. He'd never heard of anyone recovering from Ha-san's 'therapy' before, but then he'd never asked the ryu if he'd ever failed to completely erase someone's memories.

"Perhaps you're taking so many classes to keep yourself from thinking about it." She nodded.

"I think I am. It's going to be hard, but I can do it!"

"No, you can't. This is far too much. I can understand taking four, maybe five classes, but half of these have study groups and labs that make up part of your grade, don't they? I can't see how you'll have enough time to even take care of yourself, let alone do the work for all these classes. I'm going to have a talk with your counselor."

"D-demo...Sohma-sensei!"

"Mikage-san, rest assured my concern is not only for your health but also for my research. I don't see how I'll ever be able to see you with your schedule like this. If you burn out because of this class load how will you be able to help me? This isn't about just you anymore." Her eyes shot to his and stayed there. He was almost pleased to see the irritation that flared acid green through the hazel.

"What are you saying?"

"Have you forgotten your promise so quickly? Mikage-san, I'm hurt!" She blushed to her hair and looked back down at her hands, which were fisted on the table. He was sure her fingernails were digging into her palms. _Excellent._

"I haven't forgotten, Sohma-sensei."

"Good. Now, won't you tell me about these classes? How many of them are specific to your major?" She visibly relaxed and began explaining the purpose of her classes.


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. I do own Mikage Tamae and any family members I care to create for her.

Chapter 3

"Ha-san, I wanted to ask you something." Shigure said in all seriousness. That alone caught the ryu's attention. Shigure rarely allowed the more intense side of his nature to surface.

"Hai?"

"About your erasing people's memories...has anyone ever regained them?" Shigure took a long drag off his cigarette. Hatori jerked his head around to look at him.

"Why do you want to know?" Suspicion was heavy in his voice.

"Ma ma, Ha-san! I'm simply curious. I don't think I've asked you about it before!"

"Liar." Hatori lit another cigarette himself, taking a deep drag and exhaling. "What are you up to?" Shigure always had some scheme cooking in that devious mind of his.

"Nothing, I swear!" He looked at the inu for a long moment before he answered.

"I don't know, Shigure. If any of them have regained their memories, I've never heard of it." He thought briefly about Kana. He wasn't sure he wanted her to remember their love—and it's aftermath. "Is this about that friend of Rin's?"

"Tamae-san? No. Why do you ask?" Shigure kept his voice light and noncommittal. Had Akito told Hatori about his orders?

"Akito was...very upset after their meeting. He demanded to know who Katsuo-sama was and how she knew about him."

"Did he?"

"Hai, I thought you knew." _Doesn't anything go on in this place that you aren't aware of, Shigure?_

"I'd heard something to that nature, but nothing concrete. Akito throws his tantrums so often it's easy to discount the rumors." Shigure lied easily. "Demo...Ha-san, what exactly do you do when you erase their memories?"

"It's...difficult to explain. It's kind of like hypnosis, but much quicker."

"Do you build a wall against the memories?" _Now, why would he phrase it that way?_

"Yes and no. I make them build their own wall. I can't erase memories and I can't build them, either. But I can make them _want_ to forget, so they build a wall against the memories." He stared at the bright tip of his cigarette, watching it burn down. Impatiently, he flicked ash into the conveniently placed ashtray. "Why are you so interested all of a sudden?"

Shigure ignored the question. "What happens to the personality of the person?"

"Eh?"

"Take Tamae-san, for example. If you make her 'build her own wall', as you said, against all of her memories of the Sohmas, does her personality return to the way it was before we all knew her? Does she remember her schoolwork and classes from the period you're making her want to forget?"

"Hai. If she went someplace with Rin, she would remember she went there with someone but not her face or her name or any conversation that went on. The same goes for anything she did or anywhere she went with you or Ayame. She'd remember going to Ayame's shop, anything she bought there, et cetera, but she wouldn't remember Ayame himself." Shigure nodded in understanding.

"Demo...but her personality. If Rin was a large influence on it, would she be different now?"

"I suppose she would." Hatori replied reluctantly.

"Does that make you a killer, Ha-san?" Hatori jerked at Shigure's innocently voiced question. He glared at the inu, who seemed absorbed in cloud-gazing while he smoked yet another cigarette. _That habit's going to kill him someday._ He wanted to do something—anything—to startle Shigure out of his blasé persona and reveal his true nature. Of course, in the thirty years they'd known each other, he'd never been able to.

"A killer?"

"Hai. If you hypnotize away the memories of someone so important to her, you effectively kill a part of her. Thinking that way, you kill everyone whose memories you erase." Shigure smiled.

"Shigure, you're a bastard."

"I know that. But I had to ask the question, Ha-san."

"Why are you so interested in Tamae-san? She's no longer involved with the Sohmas." Hatori changed the subject. He'd already considered the moral implications of what he did for the Sohma family—he didn't need them thrown in his face. He looked at the inu when he realized that he hadn't answered his question.

"Shigure. What's going on?"

"You killed her, Ha-san. For some reason, that bothers me. I never understood why she didn't run away when she realized the consequences. Did she think we'd send people after her? I wanted to know why it was so important to her that she not run away from us. It couldn't be just her friendship with Rin, could it?"

"She wasn't like you, Shigure. She didn't think that way."

"A bit like Tohru-kun, wasn't she? I wonder if she started out that way?"

"You're thinking in circles."

Shigure sighed. "Hai, I suppose I am."

"It's been, what, six months since she left here? Why are you thinking about this now?" _And why are you acting so obsessive over it?_

"Now? I'm only asking you about it now, Ha-san! I've been thinking about it for a long time. Since Tohru-kun came to live with Yuki and myself, to be exact."

"So why are you asking me now?"

Shigure shrugged. "No reason. I just happened to be thinking about it."

"Thinking about my erasing people's memories or about Tamae-san?" Shigure waved a hand at Hatori, a grin spreading over his face.

"Tamae-san was cute, wasn't she? Especially when she was telling you off, Ha-san! I'm so glad I got to see that!" He mimicked Tamae's higher voice. "'No mystical cloud hangs over my head'!" Hatori glared at him.

"There are times when I wonder if you're actually sane, Shigure."

"You wouldn't be the first, Ha-san!"


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. I do own Mikage Tamae and whatever family members I care to create for her.

Chapter 4

Tamae dropped three of her classes. Sohma-sensei had been right. She had been taking too many, especially with the labs and study groups involved. The workload would have left her with little time to sleep, let alone eat, shower, and time to take care of herself.

She pursed her lips as she stared at the contents of her closet. _When_ had she bought all of these clothes? They were much more...revealing than she was used to. And the pants and even the skirts—_Why did I buy those?_—were obviously more expensive and of better quality than she usually allowed herself. She sighed.

_Why am I getting so nervous about this?_ So she had a meeting with Sohma-sensei. It wasn't like she hadn't had meetings with counselors and teachers before. _But he's not a counselor. Or a teacher._ She scowled.

"I know that!" she growled. It wasn't just that he was handsome and charming. He was also...familiar. Yes, that was the word. Whenever she was around him, a strange sense of déjà vu would come over her. Why was that? She tried concentrating on the question, but an overwhelming nothingness blanketed her mind whenever she asked. He had something to do with the wall. That was the only conclusion that could be made. She had to find out why.

"Me?" she asked, wondering. "Why me?"

"Because I like your name, Mikage-san!"

"You want to name your protagonist...after me?"

"For the third and final time, hai! Of course, the last name will be different. But I like the idea of you reading my novel one day and remembering the bumbling writer you assisted, don't you?" He pointed his chopsticks at her peremptorily.

"Ah..." she wasn't quite sure how to answer. No one had ever named anything after her before. "It's quite a compliment, Sohma-sensei." Why was it that whenever she said his name that blank wall would slam down? Without realizing, she shook her head to dispel the sensation.

"Is something the matter, Mikage-san?"

"Ah! Ie, Sohma-sensei." _Bam!_ "Demo, have we met before?"

"Before?"

"Hai. Before I met you in the conference room." She watched him closely, as closely as he watched her. If anything, he seemed to force himself to relax even more. A smile slowly curved his expressive mouth and crinkled around his eyes. Those eyes made her shiver slightly for some reason.

"I don't believe so. If we had, I probably wouldn't have even noticed you. You must admit, Mikage-san, that you don't exactly dress to impress." She colored slightly. She picked at her bowl of udon with her chopsticks, fighting back tears that inexplicably pricked at her eyes.

"I know. I just don't have time to waste on that sort of thing right now. Demo..." she trailed off. Why did she have that closet full of clothes she would never consider wearing?

"Demo...what?" His face and voice were all gentle concern now. She was beginning to distrust how quickly he could adjust his manner to the situation.

"I don't remember. Those two and a half years. I don't remember! I have grades in classes I don't remember taking. I have a closet full of clothes that I would never _think_ of wearing and I own makeup and perfume...and I can't remember buying any of it, let alone wearing or using them! It's so frustrating. It's like I've lost something very important and I know it's important but I don't remember why!" She balled her left hand into a fist beneath the table, feeling the bite of her nails in her palm. She'd have to cut those. She always forgot, for some reason.

"You don't remember?" He actually looked interested. Genuinely interested. Not like the masks he'd been wearing earlier—and she was quite sure they'd been masks. No one had ever been that charming to her before.

"Ie. Nothing. Every time I try to remember, my mind's blank. It's like a wall's been built around the memories."

"What's that got to do with me?" She looked down at her bowl. _Honesty is best._

"Whenever I call you by name, Sohma-sensei, I get that same feeling. Like I'm running into a wall. Like I knew you before."

"Déjà vu?"

"Hai, except that it's only when I say your name. When I look at your face, there's no reaction."

_It's the name._ _Damn, damn, damn!_ Tamae-san was smart enough to figure it out on her own, and then where would they be? He would have to tell Akito...but Hatori would suffer. And so would Tamae-san. Again. He sighed, remembering that bold girl who'd stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. If he took her to the Honke again, she'd be terrified. At least the last time, she'd known why. This time, she'd have no idea.

It was much too soon to jump to conclusions. How _could_ Hatori have made such a mistake? He'd said that she would remember the events, but none of the details. Yet her despair over those lost years was so plainly written on her face that he had to believe that she couldn't remember any of the events, let alone the details.

"Sohma-sensei?" Tamae-san's quiet voice brought him out of his reverie. He took a breath and smiled at her again.

"Don't try too hard, Mikage-san. If they're meant to, the memories will return in time." _Kami-sama, I hope not._ "Right now, you should focus on your studies and on helping me with my novel! And on finishing your meal. It wouldn't do to let it get cold." He shuddered comically. "There's nothing worse than cold udon."

"H-hai." He watched as she dutifully turned her attention to her bowl. Once they had finished, he pulled a notebook and a pen out of the briefcase he'd brought with him.

"Now, tell me, Mikage-san, how does one go about becoming an archivist?" She blinked at the change in subject. She had obviously been dwelling on their previous conversation.

"Eh?"

"For my research, Mikage-san! My research!" He reminded her, feigning hurt. "Have you forgotten already?"

"Ie..."

"So?"

"Um. I'm not sure how to start. I guess the first thing is to have a desire to preserve the written word and a respect for it."

"A respect for it?"

"Hai. How can you possibly save something you don't respect? Everything we write has a significance, whether it be a grocery list, a journal, or an history-making bill in the parliament."

"Ah. What made you want to become one, Mikage-san?"

"I was brought up with history around me," she shrugged. "You know my father's an archaeologist. I grew up imagining all those people whose artifacts he would unearth. I wondered what their stories were. How they lived, what they felt, those things were fascinating for me. When I was little, I used to get so frustrated that they didn't leave any writing behind. I always wanted to _know_. I don't like guessing." Shigure smiled at that, remembering Ayame telling him how she'd waited to confront him about their curse until she'd already made the conclusion. No, Tamae-san hated guessing. She needed to be certain.

"Why didn't you study to be an archaeologist, then?" She shook her head, smiling ruefully.

"I don't like working outdoors. Besides, I'm more interested in the history than I am in the discovery. I like the idea of preserving the history and the stories of the people who lived before us so that our children can learn from their lessons."

"That's rather romantic, don't you think?" He couldn't resist making the observation. There were so many things about her that hadn't changed.

"Hai, I suppose it is. I never thought of it that way."

"Tell me, Mikage-san, did you ever consider writing your own story?" She stared at him.

"Why would I do that, Sohma-sensei? I haven't done anything particularly noteworthy with my life. Why would anyone be interested in me?"

_Why, indeed?_ "Perhaps those people you would get so frustrated with felt the same way."


	6. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. I do own Mikage Tamae and whatever family members I care to create for her.

****

**Chapter 5**

"Ha-san, I need to speak with you."

"What is it now, Shigure?"

"It's important."

Hatori silently groaned. This was not a good time. Akito was ailing again and Yuki was holed up in his room with the flu. He'd outgrown the asthma, but his respiratory system was still weaker than that of a normal man his age.

"This is not a good time, Shigure."

"It's about Tamae-san." That ought to do it. Hatori always felt so _responsible_ for the people whose memories he'd erased.

"Tamae-san? I thought you didn't have anything to do with her." Hatori knew it! He'd known it before. _That damned inu_!

"I'll explain everything when you get here."

"Why don't you come here?"

"I would but, you see, Mii-chan is breathing down my neck again and this time I think she means it! I can't leave. I swear she's got some sort of surveillance on my house!" Shigure paused dramatically. "I really can't leave, Ha-san. The consequences could be dire."

Hatori grunted. "Somehow, I doubt that." He checked his wristwatch. "I'll be there as soon as I can, but it will probably be a couple of hours. Yuki's still got a high fever."

"Arigatou, Ha-san." Shigure's voice went from piteous whining to sincerity in a scant second.

Five hours later, Hatori parked his car and made his way through the trees towards Shigure's lonely house. Yuki's fever had broken and Akito was sleeping peacefully. As for himself, it looked like he was going to have another sleepless night.

"Ha-san! What brings you here?" Shigure greeted him playfully as he entered the living room. He hadn't bothered knocking before coming into the house. Shigure knew he'd be coming. He'd made sure of that.

"Tell me you have something stronger than tea, Shigure."

"I brewed up some coffee just for you! But it's gone cold. Guess I'll have to make another pot." Hatori shook his head, making his way to the kitchen.

"Cold's fine. I'll help myself." He poured himself a cup and brought the carafe with him to the table. "What's this about, Shigure?"

"She doesn't remember anything, Hatori." Shigure's tone was accusatory.

"Nani?"

"She doesn't remember anything about those years. Not Rin, not me, not even the classes she took."

"How do you know this?"

"She figured it out, Ha-san. Do you think Akito would be so stupid as to ignore the threat she might pose if events were to replay themselves?"

"She wouldn't have. Isuzu knows what would happen if she tried to reestablish any sort of relationship with Tamae-san."

"Akito is more suspicious than you. He directed me to ensure that she doesn't remember."

"She doesn't remember now!"

"I wasn't finished, Ha-san. She doesn't remember anything, but the name makes an impression on her. _Our_ name, Hatori. Faces, comments, nothing registers but the name. That's very dangerous for us."

"Is it?" Hatori took a sip of the coffee and grimaced at its bitterness. "This is terrible, Shigure."

"Yes, nothing is the same since Tohru-kun left. How I miss my little flower!" Shigure placed a hand over his heart in mock melancholy before he straightened and looked intently at the ryu. "Did she really want to forget?"

"Tamae-san? No. She didn't. She tried to fight me."

"Has anyone else? Tried to fight you."

"A few have. It's useless."

"You said you could make them want to forget. How did you make Tamae-san want to forget?"

"I reminded her subconscious that she was protecting Isuzu. Everything she'd done up to that point was because she'd wanted to help her. It seemed the easiest way."

"I wonder..." Shigure leaned his chin into his hand, eyes going distant as he considered the possibilities.

"Shigure, what are you up to? How do you know so much about Tamae-san?" The inu straightened and once again focused on Hatori.

"Oh, I didn't tell you. I'm her mentor at the university."

"Her...mentor."

"Hai."

"She needs a mentor?"

"Apparently, her grades had slipped enough to concern her father and he entered her into the university's mentoring program."

"And you just happened to be there at the right time." Hatori's voice was heavy with disbelief.

"Why, yes, I did. It didn't hurt that the protagonist of my latest novel is a university student with a major in archival studies."

"Of. Course." Hatori ground his teeth.

"My, Ha-san, what is that noise?" Shigure smiled at Hatori's reaction. "Truly, it was merely a coincidence!"

"I see. How close have you become to her, Shigure?"

"It was amazing, Ha-san. How much she'd changed. It's hard to imagine her ever having the courage to approach Rin to begin with. She's so _aware_ of everything. Everything she does is meant to protect herself from the world in some way. That girl who told you off was nowhere to be found. She won't even look me in the eye." He shook his head. "I don't like it, Ha-san. I don't like it at all."

"It doesn't matter whether you like it or not. It's the choice she made."

"I know that. But it's the choice she shouldn't have had to make, isn't it?" He sighed, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one. "Did I tell you how her meeting with Akito went?"

"No."

"She egged him on. She took everything he dished out and then she did something incredibly stupid. She fought back. If she hadn't done that, we might not be having this conversation right now."

"Are you sure about that?" Hatori took a cigarette from Shigure's pack and lit it as the inu stared at the thin stream of smoke that curled up from his own. He sighed.

"Ie. I'm not sure. But she _fought_, Ha-san. Not like Tohru-kun did, with compassion. She fought like Akito's order was a foregone conclusion." He sucked in another lungful of smoke and blew it out slowly. "I don't like that that person is gone."

"I didn't know her, Shigure."

"I know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. She can't go back to the Honke. Akito would be furious and he'd probably take it out on you, Ha-san." Shigure's eyes flickered towards the ryu's long bangs. "I don't want to see that again." Hatori nodded in understanding.

"Whatever you do, Shigure, be careful. If she remembers...it could be very bad. And not just for me. You'd be in the hot seat, too."

"Indeed." _Would it be worth it?_ Shigure finished his cigarette in silence, remembering the slight pressure of that small kiss.

"Oh. Before I forget," Hatori turned towards the small briefcase he'd brought with him. "She asked me to give you this." He opened the case and slid a file towards him.

"What is it?"

"I don't know," Hatori snorted. "I'm not like you. I actually respect people's privacy."

"That's mean, Ha-san!" Shigure took the file without looking at it. "Why are you only giving it to me now?"

"It's been in my car. The last few times we've talked, you've been over at my place. I don't trust you around all my files."

"Ha-san!" Hatori smiled. It was the first time he'd smiled in days.


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. I do own Mikage Tamae, although hindsight being 20/20, I should have given her a different name.

A/N: I want to thank Otaku Mom for putting up with me and my sending her chapter upon chapter of my nonsense. Your encouragement and praise mean more to me than I can say.

**Chapter 6**

Tamae stood outside the charming storefront, considering. _What am I doing here?_ She shook her head. Ever since she'd vented on Sohma-sensei she'd become obsessed with finding clues to that part of her life she'd forgotten. Taking a deep breath, she marched to the door and opened it.

"Hajimemashitte! How can I help you today?" came a cheery voice. She glanced around and saw a—_a notions shop? Why would I ever come here?_

"Ohayougozaimasou!" a woman bounced into her line of vision. "Can I help you find anything?"

"Ah, I'm not sure…" Tamae replied. She opened the garment bag she'd brought with her. "Did I buy this here? The tag on it says 'Ayame' and that's the name of this shop, but perhaps I'm at the wrong place?" She almost hoped she was.

The woman stared at the dress intently. "Of course! From Ayame's fall collection two years ago." She peered at the timid girl. "I think Ayame would remember better than I would. He never forgets a face! Won't you sit down while I get him?" Tamae nodded numbly as the woman ushered her to one of the white sofas towards the back of the shop. She sat down and waited as the woman disappeared into the back.

"Ayame-san?" Mine said quietly. "You have a customer who'd like to speak with you."

"What is it, Mine?" Ayame was up to his elbows in paper, pencils and colors. His latest collection was in high demand and he hadn't half of the designs completed yet!

"It's about a dress she purchased. I think it's from your fall collection two years ago. The girl looks familiar. I can't seem to place her, though."

"What's the dress look like, Mine-chan?"

"Red silk jersey cocktail dress, bias-cut hemline. Deep, square neckline and half-inch shoulder straps. No decorative stitching." Ayame straightened abruptly.

"Red, you say?" _Can't be. What would she be doing here?_

"Hai. Not bright red, blood red."

"I see. Won't you bring her back here? I'm afraid I really can't leave my desk." He gestured ruefully at the bolts of fabric and crumpled pieces of paper that littered the area. "Arigatou, Mine-chan."

The woman emerged and bowed to Tamae. "Won't you please follow me? Ayame-san would like to speak with you." She nodded and stood.

Ayame's first reaction upon seeing her was shock. _What has she done to herself?_ Her hair was flat and dull and looked as if it hadn't been cut in months. Her clothes were tasteless and much too big for her small frame. She'd lost weight. And her skin! He carefully placed his pencils on his desk, mindful of her observant nature. It wouldn't do for her to notice his expression. He turned back towards the girl, smiling.

"Arigatou for seeing me back here. I don't normally ask customers to come back, but I'm up to my ears in designs and I was worried about having to find my way through this mess."

"It's nothing, Ayame-san."

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Sohma Ayame. I understand you have a question about a dress you purchased here?" Tamae blinked and looked up. _Kami-sama, he's gorgeous!_

"Ah…Sohma? Are you related to Sohma Shigure?"

Ayame started slightly. _How does she still know Gure?_ "Ah, hai! He's a distant cousin. Do you know him?"

"He's my mentor in university…" She paused at his thoughtful expression. She gestured towards the garment bag she'd brought. "Demo, that's not why I'm here. I found this dress in my closet and I wondered if I'd bought it here? I had an accident several months ago and my memory isn't what it should be…"

Ayame knew something of how Hatori's ability worked. He'd asked him about it when he'd begun to try to reestablish his relationship with Yuki. Tamae should remember buying that dress. Why couldn't she? He mentally shook his head and stood, carefully wending his way through the clutter to the bag. He made a show of opening it and inspecting the dress inside.

"Ah, yes. I remember it now. You bought this after trying on ten different dresses. Its color was most becoming! You dazzled the eyes. That was, oh, almost two years ago, I think."

"Two years ago?"

"Hai. Your name is…Mikage Tamae, ne?"

"Ah…hai." _Amazing. He must have a photographic memory!_

"I never forget a pretty face! What _have_ you done to yourself, my dear?"

"Eh?"

"Those clothes, that hair, and that skin! You had made such steps, shown such progress! All this because of an accident?"

"Eh?"

"What happened to you?" He sat beside her, the picture of solicitous concern. His silver hair fell about him, framing his delicate features and gold eyes beautifully. She blinked and nearly pulled back when he took her chin in his thin fingers, turning her face this way and that and distastefully brushing her hair away from her face. "You're not taking care of yourself, Tamae-san!"

She stiffened. "Not taking care of myself?"

"Ie. You're not. You've lost far too much weight! Your cheekbones look like they could cut glass. While that might look good on a Caucasian woman, my dear, on you it looks skeletal. You need fattening up."

"I eat just fine!" She flared. So she skipped a meal here and there. It's not like she had any kind of appetite, anyway.

"Did you have breakfast?" He took her silence as a negative. "Mine-chan! Would you mind closing the shop for a while and fetching me and my guest some lunch?"

"Hai, Ayame-san!" The woman's merry voice replied. "Your usual?"

"Onegai, Mine-chan. Two, please."

"I'm not hungry!" Tamae insisted. "I ate!"

"Nonsense. You wouldn't be so rude as to turn down a meal that was bought for you? I'm hurt!" Tamae balled her hand into a fist. He noticed the movement and smiled. "Of course you wouldn't. And I do hate eating alone." They both heard the door outside close. Ayame turned towards the dress again.

"At least you had the good sense to take care of it," he mused. "So many people don't know how to take care of delicate fabric. You haven't worn it recently, have you?"

"I don't remember ever wearing it."

"You poor thing. What happened?" Again, he was all concern although his attention was mostly on the dress. She sighed and sat back, forcing herself to relax. _What a personality._

"No one knows. According to the account given at the hospital, I was found collapsed on the street. The doctors said I was suffering from exhaustion. But exhaustion doesn't cause total amnesia, last I heard."

"The mind is a strange thing. You'd be surprised what exhaustion can do." He got up and went to a wall lined with filing cabinets. "I myself am sometimes so tired that I actually drop asleep at a moment's notice. It's embarrassing, really. Ah, the life of an in-demand, but incredibly brilliant designer!" She couldn't help it. She laughed. He sounded so incredibly…sure of himself. "You find that funny?"

"Ah, um, Ie, Sohma-san. I just…" She broke into chuckles again. "You don't sound like you're suffering." She told him once she'd finished laughing. She rubbed at her cheeks. The muscles hurt. How long had it been since she laughed?

"Of course I'm not suffering! I'm very much admired, respected, fawned upon! I am Ayame, bringer of fantasies to reality!" She broke into laughter again.

"Is that why I came here? Because I had a fantasy I wanted brought to life?"

"Ie. You just wandered in here one day and decided you simply had to have one of my designs. You were very picky, Tamae-san. But please, Sohma-san is so stuffy. Call me Ayame."

"Eh…alright." She watched him for a few minutes as he rummaged through a file drawer. He straightened, triumph flashing in his eyes.

"Eureka! Here it is. I knew I had it somewhere." He returned to her side and handed her the paper. "This is the receipt for that purchase. You also bought a bracelet and a necklace. A choker, I believe."

"I bought…jewelry?"

"Hai. Is that unusual?"

"I've never bought jewelry in my life!"

He tapped the paper in her hand. "This says you did. As I recall, you looked quite sophisticated."

"Sophisticated. Me."

"I don't lie, Tamae-san, not about how people look in my clothes! You were—"

"Dazzling to the eyes. You said that before." She sighed. She'd lost so much.

"Is it difficult for you?" Once again, Ayame changed gears. She felt more comfortable around them with him, though. With Sohma-sensei, for some reason she felt like she was being led. Ayame-san, however, was an open page.

"Hai. I can't remember anything, Ayame-san. For weeks, I would wander the libraries, the campus, all over trying to find something that would trigger a memory. Eventually I just gave up. It's…difficult to explain."

"And then you found the dress."

"Hai. I have a closet full of clothes that I wouldn't dream of wearing, but the dress was different. It was much higher quality, for one thing. What would I, a student, be doing with it? I had hoped you could tell me, but it was a long shot at best."

"So it would appear. I'm very sorry I couldn't be more help, Tamae-san." She shrugged, feeling tears pricking at her eyelids. She blinked furiously in an effort to keep them back.

"Daijobu, Tamae-san?" His concern nearly broke her control. She nodded frantically, turning her face away from him.

"I…it's just very hard, Ayame-san." She started at the sound of the door opening. Mine poked her head in through the doorway.

"Ah, Mine-chan! You're a lifesaver! I was wasting away!" Ayame leaped up and took the bentos from her. "Always thinking of me! Always! What would I do without you?" Mine laughed.

"You would waste away, Ayame-san! You say that every time. I'll just leave you two alone." She winked at Tamae and started slightly. "Tamae-san? Is that you?"

"Ah…hai?"

"I didn't recognize you!" Ayame shot her a warning look and she rushed on, "Welcome back, Tamae-san!" She closed the door behind her with a soft _click_.

"She was here back then, too?" Tamae asked quietly. Ayame sat beside her and handed her one of the bentos.

"Hai. She helped you decide on a dress to buy and suggested the jewelry. She was quite taken with the look." Tamae nodded dumbly and opened the box. It was gyouza. She stared at it for a minute before Ayame startled her by taking her hand and placing the chopsticks in it. He inspected the bones of her wrist for a moment before glancing at her in apology.

"You really should eat, Tamae-san. You're bones…they're like a bird's. Fragile. If you don't eat, you'll break."

_But there's a part of me that's already broken, Ayame-san. I just don't know how to fix it._ She smiled her thanks at him and began to eat.


	8. Chapter 7

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Thank the good Lord, I do not own them. It's bad enough that they occupy my thoughts to such a degree I have this compulsion to write about them.

A/N: This fic is a long time in developing. I'm sorry for that. I'd like to especially thank Otaku Mom for reading everything I send her and giving me the encouragement I need to keep going. Thank you thank you! It means so much more to me than I can express. Thanks elriel for the review...now why aren't there more?! (shrugs) Ah, well. C'est la vie.

**Chapter 7**

"So she doesn't remember anything." Akito mused, eyes on the dainty finch that had settled on his outstretched hand.

"Ie, Akito. Nothing."

"That's good. Is she suffering?"

"Hai." Akito laughed quietly. In any other person, that laugh wouldn't have sounded so cold.

"Wonderful. She was quite offensive. Telling me those things…how did she know, Shigure?"

"I don't know."

"She had to find out somewhere. Perhaps in that damned university library? Figure it out, Shigure. She's still far too dangerous. If the reference is there, she might find it again."

"Hai, Akito." Shigure rose from his kneeling position and bowed, turning to leave.

"Leaving so soon? Your visits have gotten much shorter in recent months, Shigure." Akito didn't sound happy with that fact. Shigure knew he had been remiss of late. He'd been puzzling out the file Hatori had given him, trying to connect it with the girl he knew.

"Gomen nassai, Akito. I have been…neglectful."

"You have." Akito stood, startling the small bird into flight. He walked to Shigure's still form, wrapping thin arms around the inu's chest. "Come more often, and I might forgive you."

"Hai." Shigure turned in Akito's arms and hugged the smaller man to him closely, but not tightly.

* * *

"Sohma-sensei?" Shigure turned towards his pupil (he thought of her that way sometimes), pulling his eyes from surveying the tome-laden shelves of the library.

"Hai, Mikage-san? Daijobu?" She stared at him for a moment before breaking the eye contact. It had taken months to make her comfortable enough to look him in the eye. He smiled inwardly, oddly pleased. She had such pretty eyes.

"Would you mind…telling me about your family? You know so much about me, but I know so little about you." She looked down at the paper in front of her, blushing slightly.

"Hmm? My family?" _How to go about this?_ "It's very large."

"Do you have…any contact with them?"

"Contact?"

"Ah, hai. I think I met one of your cousins a few weeks ago. At least, he said you were his cousin. He looked nothing like you, though."

"I do have some cousins with wildly different appearances." Shigure replied dryly. "Which cousin did you meet?"

"Ayame-san."

"Aya? Oh, yes, we're actually quite close. Odd that he never mentioned running into you, though." Shigure was slightly peeved at that. Ayame was usually so open. Why would he keep this from him?

"He didn't? Oh, I suppose it was nothing. I merely went there to check on something." Tamae-san sounded…relieved? What would she have to be relieved about? Unless…_damn. She's digging again._

"Something?"

"Ah, hai. I had a dress in my closet from his shop and I didn't remember buying it, so I found his shop and went to ask him."

"And?"

"He gave me a copy of the original receipt. And he bought me lunch."

"You seem to have a knack for making people want to feed you, Mikage-san."

"Do I? He said I was thinner than he remembered, and that he hated eating alone. I couldn't refuse." She said defensively.

"You are a bit underweight. What did you think of him?"

"Ayame-san? He's quite…sure of himself, isn't he? I think he's the type that keeps pushing at something from all the wrong angles. When he realizes he's not getting anywhere, I think he would simply sit and let things develop as they would without his pushing."

"That's a bit like him. He's also very talented. What dress did you buy?" He already knew. He'd seen her in it before. He rested his cheek on his hand, letting the memory play as he looked at her.

"Red. I never wear red. It's too…"

"Bold?"

"Hai, I suppose so. It's beautiful, though. I don't know when I'll ever wear it again, but it's a very nice dress."

"Hmm…perhaps for your graduation? It's coming up, isn't it?"

"Hai. One more semester…" She sounded wistful.

"Mikage-san?" he asked her, ever mindful of the changes in her expression. "Is something the matter?"

"Ie, Sohma-sensei. I guess I'm feeling nostalgic ahead of time," she laughed a bit self-consciously. He smiled slightly, mostly in his eyes, and she felt her cheeks flush. _Why is he the only person that can do that to me? Just by smiling! My heart won't stop pounding…_ She pressed a hand to her chest. The traitorous organ was threatening to burst out of her body! _It's a crush. It's normal that I'd be having this reaction to him. He's much more attractive than any other man that I have regular contact with. It's a crush, nothing more—a silly, stupid crush!_ She smiled sheepishly.

"Nostalgic? For this?" He waved his hand, taking in their surroundings. The library was quiet; it was a Saturday and most of the students were either studying elsewhere or anywhere but here.

"I guess so. I like studying."

"Why?" he sounded incredulous. "Haven't you a boyfriend or something like that?"

She stared at him as if he'd gone mad. "That's not nice, Sohma-sensei."

"Hn?"

"You, yourself, said that I don't dress to impress. Why would anyone take notice of me? Besides, I don't have time for things like that. I have more important things to do."

"What's more important than not being alone?" She sucked in a breath, determined to not feel hurt. It burned in her stomach, nonetheless.

"I'm not alone, Sohma-sensei. I'm always around people. Usually, there are many more people here. Right now, you're here. How could I be alone?"

"Rationalization only gets you so far." He was pushing her, he knew. But he'd seen that fire in her eyes before she'd shut him out. He'd seen the hurt and the loneliness. Besides, she'd been so cute when she was angry, before. He'd enjoyed putting her on edge. Some irrational impulse he couldn't fathom made him want to see it again.

"I'm not rationalizing! I simply don't have time. The boys here are all too obsessed with prettier girls, anyhow. I couldn't compete even if I wanted to."

"Excuses. Evasions. Mikage-san, you've only to look in a mirror to realize you're pretty. Pull that hair away from your face, wear clothing that actually fits and those boys would notice it, too."

"Why should I do that?" she retorted, ruthlessly ignoring the backhanded compliment. "Why should I do anything differently? I am who I am. I'm not someone who gets all dressed up for attention. If they can't see past the exterior, why should I try to make them? That's not me. This," she gestured to her baggy clothes, "is me."

_No, it's not!_ Shigure's irritation flared. Why couldn't she see? Infuriating. Females were so…infuriating! That's why he much preferred teenage girls. At least they could take a compliment! They were much more biddable than their older counterparts. He carefully maintained his bland expression. "Is it? I must admit, Mikage-san, that you don't do yourself justice. Personally, I'd like to see you in something more becoming. Won't you consider it, for my sake? I'd like to think of all the boys being jealous of an old man like me." She glared at him. He was pleased to see it.

"You're hardly old, Sohma-sensei. I'm sure the boys are jealous enough of you as it is, seeing as how you're so much more—" she broke off. _I almost told him! How could I be so obvious? Stupid, stupid!_

"Much more…what?" He asked slyly. She blushed even brighter and crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

"Don't tease, Sohma-sensei. You must know that you're not unattractive. Girls stare at you wherever we go."

"Do they? I must admit, I haven't noticed." She was so transparent. "But truly, I enjoy jealous stares when I'm with a cute girl. You could be very cute if you'd let yourself!"

"Hn." Tamae grunted. "What questions did you have for me today, Sohma-sensei?" she asked, pointedly changing the subject.

"Questions? None, really. I woke up today and found myself rather bored. My cousins were out doing something else, so I decided to come see you."

"I'm flattered." She was. She didn't think she rated that highly in his life. "I'm not really doing anything interesting, though. Just studying."

"What are you studying? Perhaps you could use some help?"

"I've never needed any before." He looked so crestfallen at her retort that she took pity on him. "Here's a list of the references I'm looking for…perhaps you can help me find them?"

"Hai! Dewey Decimal System, here I come!" She looked at him like he'd grown another head before she laughed.

Later, after he'd chivalrously escorted her home, she realized that he hadn't told her anything about his family at all. _Very neatly done,_ she thought wryly. He was a master. The Sohmas had something to do with her amnesia-no matter how he tried to stop her she _was_ going to find out the reason why.


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. I do own Mikage Tamae, though hindsight being 20/20, I would have given her a different name.

A/N: Once again (and throughout this fic) I want to thank Otaku Mom for her encouragement and praise. Thanks for putting up with me! (huggles!)

**Chapter 8**

Tamae woke up late; late enough that she skipped her shower, didn't eat breakfast, and rushed out of her tiny apartment fifteen minutes after she'd awaken, only stopping to brush her teeth and pull back her hair. She'd been doing that a lot lately. The question Sohma-sensei had asked her months ago had begun niggling at her mind late at night.

_Tell me, Mikage-san, did you ever consider writing your own story?_

Well, perhaps not _her_ story. But it was _a_ story, and of late she'd been puzzling the thing out in her head. She was still puzzling it out as she rushed to her class, not noticing the people around her until—**WHAM**!

"Hey, why don't you watch where you're—" she shook her head from the ground where she'd ungracefully landed while her victim ranted and paused, "going?"

"Gomen!" Tamae cried as she got to her knees and began picking up the scattered contents of her bag. "I'm late to class and I wasn't paying attention! I know that's no excuse, forgive me!"

A delicate hand covered her own. "Let me help you," the girl said and Tamae finally looked up to see one of the most beautiful girls she'd ever seen. She was almost as beautiful as Ayame-san.

"A-arigatou." She stammered. The girl helped her pick up her scattered notebooks, text and sundries.

"It's nothing. I've just left my class and I don't have another one for an hour or so. Besides, you look like you could use the help." The girl's gaze swept cursorily over Tamae's body and an expression of—_sadness?_—flickered over her face before it cleared.

"Is everything all right?" Tamae asked, inexplicably concerned. The girl looked away, crossing her arms over her stomach.

"Hai. You just reminded me of an old friend, that's all."

"An old friend?" The girl nodded.

"I haven't heard from her in months…but then, I haven't really expected to. I miss her."

"Ah, I see. Perhaps she knows you're thinking of her and you'll hear fromher soon?" The girl shook her head sadly.

"I doubt it. You're very kind to say so, though. Arigatou." Tamae felt an odd urge to hug this beautiful, sad girl but she held back, unsure of whether the gesture would be rebuffed. They stood there in awkward silence for a minute, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Rin." A male voice broke through their reverie. "You shouldn't be here." Disapproval was evident in his tone. The two girls turned as one.

"Shigure."

"Sohma-sensei?" _What is he doing here?_ _He knows I have class at this time!_ Rin turned towards Tamae with wide eyes and then stared accusingly at Shigure.

"What are you doing here?" Both girls said as one. They looked at each other, Tamae in surprise and Rin with an odd smile on her face.

"I came to find you. Akito wants to see you." The girl paled for a moment before she exploded.

"Akito can go to the devil for all I care! I have a class in less than an hour. I don't have time to run to the Honke, serve whatever twisted whim he's got and come back here! Absolutely not."

"He instructed me to tell you to skip your class." Shigure's tone was severe.

"Well, aren't you the good little messenger-_dog._" Tamae gasped at her biting emphasis. Rin and Sohma-sensei had both seemingly forgotten her presence. She watched a smile stretch across his face. The smile was so cold it made her shiver.

"I suppose I am. Nevertheless, you know the consequences if you don't obey." Sohma-sensei cocked his head, eyes staring intensely at Rin's tense expression. His head was cocked in Tamae's direction. Rin glanced at her peripherally, then sighed and nodded.

"All right, I'll go." She turned towards Tamae. "Would you do me a favor? Please go to the park by the mathematics building and tell the boy with white hair that I've been summoned back home and I'll see him later?"

"Ah…hai! It's the least I can do for knocking you down!" Tamae smiled. Rin looked surprised for a moment before she smiled in return. Her smile seemed to light up her face. Shigure nodded at Tamae shortly, his expression bland. She shivered. She'd figured out enough about this enigmatic man to know that he used that expression to cover his anger. She hastily picked up her bag and bowed to cover her alarm.

"Arigatou." Rin said softly, taking in the byplay between the two. She didn't like it. She glared at Shigure, her expression promising an interrogation later. Tamae didn't notice the exchange and turned on her tail and made her way to the park to find the boy and deliver her message.

"What the hell is going on, Shigure?" Rin demanded curtly.

"I have no idea what Akito wants to see you about." Shigure deliberately mistook her question and she growled in frustration.

"What are—How does she still know you?" Rin was furious and hurt. It had been a year—a year!—since she'd been able to see her best friend and here was Shigure, that conniving _dog_, who apparently had a familiar enough relationship with her to silently communicate with her! Tamae was _hers_. Not his. _He has no right to her! He gave it up when he told Akito that she knew about the curse!_

Of course, Rin wasn't 100 percentpositive that Shigure had told Akito about that. But it was the most reasonable conclusion. Of all the people who had known Tamae, Shigure had the least to lose by ratting her out to Akito. Ayame would never have told him about his involvement in the whole affair; he wouldn't have risked Akito's wrath. Shigure didn't answer her question, letting her stew the rest of the trek back to the Honke.

* * *

Tamae found the boy lying on the grass, a picnic basket next to him. "Ah, ano…" she stammered. "Are you waiting for Rin?" 

The boy slowly turned his head from the sky to focus on her. "Hai."

"She told me to let you know she wouldn't be able to meet you."

"I…see." He sighed and sat up slowly. "Did she mention why?"

"Ie." She hadn't, Tamae rationalized. She bowed in apology. "Gomen." He shook his head.

"It's not your fault. Would you like to join me?" he gestured to the picnic basket. "This basket will be heavy on the way back." Tamae blinked in surprise at the invitation. She watched him open the basket and take out several containers. He looked at her expectantly.

"Ah…" she wasn't sure if she should accept. The food had obviously not been meant for her. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she'd missed breakfast again. She blushed and he smiled slightly.

"I think you must be hungry." He opened one of the containers and set it down. "Join me, onegai." She nodded, embarrassed.

"I am Sohma Hatsuharu." He introduced himself. He picked up a set of chopsticks and began to deposit various foods on a plate.

"Sohma?"

"Hai."

"Ano, do you know a Sohma Shigure?" _Kami-sama, I'm surrounded by Sohmas!_

"Hai."

"Is he a cousin of yours?" Getting information out of this boy was like pulling teeth.

"Hai." He passed the plate to her and she belatedly let go of her bag to take it. "He took care of some other cousins of mine a few years back."

"Did he? He doesn't speak of his family much."

"How do you know him?" Hatsuharu asked. His voice was mellow. She took a bite of onigiri, chewing slowly. He waited patiently for her to speak.

"He's my mentor here in university. But he doesn't do much mentoring besides asking me about my classes and telling me that I'm taking too many."

"That seems like him."

"Oh?"

"Hai. He's interested in…younger girls." She glanced at him, but he was intent on his own plate.

"Is he?" _Then all the attention I've been getting from him is because…I'm a responsibility._ The thought both relieved and depressed her. He didn't answer her. They ate in silence for several minutes, both lost in their thoughts. At least, she thought he was lost in thought. His expression had been so neutral the whole time that she wasn't sure.

"How did you meet Rin?" he asked her suddenly in that laid-back way of his.

"Rin? I just ran into her today. Literally," she laughed quietly. "I was late to class and I didn't look where I was going and plowed into her. She was very forgiving about it, though. She even helped me pick up my stuff."

"So she didn't tell you why she had to leave?"

"Ie. Sohma-sensei found us and told her that someone named Akito wanted to see her."

"Akito?"

"Hai."

"I see." A frown broke through his mellow expression.

"You're worried." Tamae observed. He nodded.

"Hai. Akito hasn't been in a very good mood lately."

"Akito is?" If she could get any information about the Sohmas from Sohma-sensei, she'd pry it out of whomever she could.

"He's the head of the family." Hatsuharu glanced at her. She seemed to be absorbed in the food she was eating. "He has a bit of a temper."

"Oh." She stopped eating, considering. "Is Rin a Sohma, too?" He nodded, looking at her closely. She got the feeling he was looking for something in her. "I seem to be meeting a lot of Sohmas these days," she laughed.

"Oh?"

"Hai. I met Ayame-san a little while ago, and now you and Rin-san." She smiled. "Perhaps we might become friends."

"You'd like that?"

"Hai. I've never had very many friends and since my accident…well, the ones I remember having have kind drifted away from me."

"Your accident?"

"Oh, hai. It happened about a year ago. I really don't want to talk about it. No sense rehashing the thing."

"I understand." He looked at her plate, now clean. "Would you like some more? There's plenty."

"Ah…ie. I've imposed enough on you, Hatsuharu-san. Arigatou." He nodded and began to pack up the rest of the meal.

"What's your name?" he asked, his voice noncommittal. She realized that while she'd eaten his food and enjoyed his company, she'd never introduced herself.

"Ah, gomen! I'm Mikage Tamae." She bowed. "I apologize for my rudeness!"

"It's all right. I never asked for your name."

"Demo, you introduced yourself and I didn't!" He laughed a little at her protests, raising his free hand and shaking it.

"It's all right. I feel like we've known each other a long time." He looked at her intently. "Tell me something, Mikage-san. Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"Reincarnation?"

"Hai." Tamae thought for a moment.

"I don't know, Hatsuharu-san. It's not impossible, I suppose." He was silent for a while, looking up at the sky. Then he turned towards her and smiled.

"Arigatou for sharing my lunch with me, Mikage-san. Perhaps we'll see each other again sometime." Tamae nodded and watched him gather up the basket and his jacket.

"Hatsuharu-san?" she stopped him as he turned to leave. "I think I would like that very much. Give my regards to Rin-san, onegai." He nodded, his eyes darkening at Rin's name.

* * *

Shigure walked with Rin to Akito's rooms. The two walked in and knelt in silence, waiting. Finally, the God of the jyuunishi spoke. 

"Shigure, you may go now. I would like to speak with Rin alone." Shigure nodded. He hadn't expected to be able to stay. "However, I'd like for you to stay here at the Honke tonight. I'll probably summon you later, if I feel up to it."

"Of course, Akito-sama." Shigure got up and left the room quietly, making his way to Hatori's house.

Later that night, Akito summoned him. As he was walking towards the main house, he noticed Haru and Rin talking. He quietly made his way closer.

"…you spoke with her?" Rin was asking as he got close enough to hear.

"Hai."

"And?" Rin asked impatiently.

"She doesn't remember." Rin sighed.

"I know that. When I saw her today…she looked at me like I was a stranger." Rin crossed her arms over her stomach. "It hurt." Haru wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

"I know. I wish there was something I could do to fix it, but as far as I know no one's ever broken through Hatori's hypnosis." Haru rested his head against hers.

"Yeah," Rin agreed forlornly. "I kept hoping maybe it wouldn't take, you know? That _my_ friend would be different. Special."

"She was…she is." Haru said quietly. "Your friend is still in there, Rin."

"Is she?"

"I think so. She's just…different now, I guess. I'm not saying it very well."

"I just—I want her to be _here_, Haru. I want her to know that I'm with you, and that makes me happy. I know she'd be happy for us. I want her—" Rin's voice broke off in a gasp and Haru pulled her even closer.

"I know, Rin. I know. Did I ever tell you why I started after you again?" Rin shook her head. "It was your friend. She told me that you loved me. I had almost given up on you and she told me to try again. That you were a different person and you might not be afraid to let me in this time." He laughed quietly. Rin's sobs had quieted as he spoke. "I guess she was right. In a way, I owe this to her. We both do."

"Arigatou, Haru." He nodded and bent down to kiss her. Shigure left the scene as quietly as he came. He knew Akito would be pleased at this turn of events.


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. Mikage Tamae is my own creation, although in hindsight, I would have given her a different family name.

A/N: Thank you kerricarri for your wonderful reviews! I haven't received any emails yet, so I'm hoping this is soon enough for you!

**Chapter 9**

Shigure sighed, leaning back in his chair and contemplating the blinking cursor on the white field of his computer monitor. He'd been staring at the thing for a while, willing the story he wanted to tell into his fingers, to no avail. It simply wouldn't come out. _Why is that?_ He wasn't sure of the answer. Hell, he wasn't even sure of the story. _Can you write a story without knowing its ending?_ He didn't know the answer to that, either.

He sighed again and looked at the clock. He wasn't going to get anything done at the moment. The house had become so…oppressively quiet since the others had moved out. Tohru came twice a week, but it wasn't the same. He missed the energy and activity that had been Yuki and Kyou. He missed the way Tohru would panic at the slightest perceived affront. He missed them, period.

A knock sounded, seemingly conjured by his thoughts. He quickly left his study (once Kyou's room) and descended the stairs to answer it. He hadn't stepped two feet outside the room when he heard the unmistakeably strident tones of his cousin and one of his dearest friends, "Gureeee!"

"Ah, Aya!"

"It's been so long, Gure! Tell me you haven't abandoned my memory after all this time?"

"Of course not, Aya! You know you are the most radiant being in my life!" Shigure replied, smiling. It was a true smile. He only showed those to Hatori and Aya, for the most part. "Truthfully, Aya, your arrival has rescued me from an attack of writer's block! What brings you here?" Ayame ran a hand through his long hair, gently detangling the strands that had become tangled in the wind outside.

"Hmmm. It's a secret!"

"Oh?"

"Hai, Gure-kun! You must guess!"

"Guess?"

"Hai." Aya went into the kitchen and put on a pot of water for tea. "Gure, you really should have that lovely princess here, if only to clean for you."

"Ah, but Tohru is so busy now, and so good to come when she does…"

"I wasn't talking about Tohru." Aya said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Eh?" Shigure scratched his head in confusion. "Then who are you talking about?"

"That, my dear Gure, has something to do with the secret!" Aya laughed aloud at Shigure's obvious confusion. "My dear Gure-kun, you are being uncharacteristically obtuse. I'm talking about your little project, of course!"

"My…project?"

"Hai, hai! The lovely Tamae-san!" Shigure blinked, stunned, at Aya's reply. It had been several weeks since he'd seen the girl. Akito had been both angry and overjoyed that Rin had run into her. Shigure had been…he wasn't sure what he had been. He certainly hadn't been happy. He'd allowed too much to show and frightened her. She'd made no attempt to contact him (not that she'd ever made much of one before) and with her finals coming up, he hadn't felt it appropriate to call her.

"Tamae-san? What does she have to do with your secret?" The kettle began to whistle on the stove and Ayame busied himself with preparing tea instead of answering. He assembled cups and the teapot on a tray and walked into the main room, not bothering to see if Shigure would follow. Of course he would. Shigure hated mysteries more than Tamae-san had.

"Think about it, Gure." Ayame said, pouring the tea into the cups and handing him one. He took a sip of his own. "You need to invest in better tea."

"Hai, hai," Shigure replied, lost in thought. What did Tamae have to do with Aya's secret? He thought back to the file he'd read several times over. Ayame had been involved with the two friends because of the record… "You found something in the files, didn't you? Something other than the birth records of those particular parties?"

Ayame applauded then pointed a finger at him, "Bing-o!" He dug through the satchel he'd brought with him and pulled out several rolls of old paper. He carefully set his tea aside and unrolled the papers gently between them. Several ink paintings revealed themselves to Shigure's eyes, all of a serving girl in different poses. In one, she was beating tatamis with a small horsehair brush. In another, she was scrubbing the floor. The pattern of her clothing and the consistency of form and face led him to believe that these were all of the same girl. He leaned forward slightly and touched the surface of one of them lightly.

"There's more," Ayame said, breaking into his reverie. He indicated the tiny characters in the lower left corner of one of the papers. "I can't read this, 'Gure. That's why I brought them to you. You know about these things, don't you?"

Shigure leaned in closer, careful to not lean on the fragile paper. He pulled his glasses out of his belt and put them on, studying the marks intently. "Hmmm…" he murmured, drawing out the moment.

"'Gure! You're such a horrible tease! I'm not your little Mii-chan, you know!" Ayame cried.

"Hai, hai," Shigure leaned back, removing his glasses and grinning with true humor. "You're much lovelier, Aya! A feast for the eyes!"

"Just a feast?"

Shigure's stomach growled. "Hai, for now!" he laughed. "I'm hungry. It's all I can think of, you know!" Ayame laughed along with him and just as quickly became serious.

"'Gure-kun, what do they say?"

"They're a name."

"AND!"

"Sohma Minoru. They say 'Sohma Minoru'."

Ayame's eyes widened slightly, a delighted smile playing across his face. "That's wonderful! They really say that! I thought so, but I just wanted to make sure. Of course these would be his; their form, their balance is all indicative of a TRUE artist, just like myself! I'm so glad I found them! I know just what to do with them!"

"We should get them authenticated first," Shigure cut in. "Just because it has the name doesn't mean that it's authentic."

"Hai, hai. I'll leave that to you, 'Gure. You had that scroll checked out, didn't you? That's why I brought these to you. I figured you could do that again." Ayame agreed. He knew that his cousin's insatiable curiosity wouldn't be satisfied until he'd taken the pieces apart and put them back together. Another one of the things Ayame admired about 'Gure-his sometimes single-minded intensity that never overwhelmed his personality, unlike his own.

"What were you planning to do with them?" Shigure asked.

"Oh, give them away."

"Give them away?"

"Hai. I know at least one person who would treasure them."

"Ah, Rin."

Ayame nodded. "But there are quite a few of them…perhaps Tamae-san would appreciate them?"

Shigure focused once more on his longtime friend, suspicion flaring. "She wouldn't know their meaning."

Ayame shook his free hand in the inu's direction, discounting the possibility. "She would appreciate the artwork. Besides, that girl's been through some very hard times."

"Hmmm…has she?"

"She hasn't told you?"

"Ie."

Ayame sighed. _These two…they keep too much to themselves around each other._

"Well, I suppose it's not for me to say. Though with as much contact as you've had with her I'm surprised she hasn't opened up to you."

"I haven't spoken to her in weeks."

"Oh? I was under the impression that a mentor should be in regular contact with his charge." Shigure sighed at the implied reproof.

"She caught me at a bad time. I suppose I alarmed her. She hasn't contacted me." The thought oddly saddened him. He'd been missing the spirit she'd begun to show in their encounters.

"And? Have you contacted her?"Shigure shook his head at his friend's pointed question. "That's unlike you, 'Gure-kun."

"Is it? I think she's developing a crush on me."

"And that's bad, why?"

"She's not supposed to get close, Aya! That's why I'm doing this!"

"Is it?" Ayame regarded him over his teacup, gold eyes almost luminescent. "Is that the real reason, Shigure?"

"Of course it is."

"So you don't like her at all?"

"My personal feelings have nothing to do with this. Akito will always be my first priority."

"Don't discount your 'personal feelings'. They'll sneak up on you eventually, my friend." Ayame said wisely. "You're not getting any younger, you know. None of us are."

"Your point?" Ayame sighed.

"You're being deliberately obtuse, 'Gure. You like the girl. She likes you. Just because one woman chose Ha'ri over you doesn't mean you should give up on all of them. Don't wait until it's too late."

"That has nothing to do with this."

"I understand. You're toeing a very fine line." Ayame set down his cup and gazed enigmatically at his friend. "I won't say anything more. However, what will you do if she _does_ remember?" Shigure sighed, absently scratching his head as he considered the possibility.

"I don't know. I don't even know if I really want her to. I just want…" he trailed off. He wasn't sure what he wanted. He remembered her tears, the fierce expression on her face when she'd confronted Hatori. The memory of her fear at their last encounter swam up to the forefront of his mind. He shook his head.

"It doesn't matter what I want. You know that Akito will always be first with me."

"Hai. I know." Ayame admitted with a sigh. Shigure would never allow anyone else to have priority over his heart, not after what happened to Hatori. The inu was very, very good at protecting himself.


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. Mikage Tamae is my own creation, though in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

A/N: It should be noted that I know nothing about graduation ceremonies in Japanese universities. Therefore, any errors on my part regarding this should be blamed squarely on my ignorance. Thank you for reading!

**Chapter 10**

Since speaking with Hatsuharu-san, Tamae had been unable to bring herself to call Sohma-sensei. She wasn't sure how she'd react to hearing his voice, let alone to seeing him. Knowing what she did now, she tried to put him, and the odd heartbeat that surfaced whenever she thought of him, out of her mind. She concentrated on her studies. She went through reference after reference, trying to search out anything about the Sohma family. Nothing turned up. Whoever they were, for generations they'd been able to live just under the radar of history. _They're like ninjas, _she thought. _Never being seen, but always there._

She hadn't seen Rin-san or Hatsuharu-san since that day. She wasn't really sure if she wanted to. The altercation between Rin-san and Sohma-sensei had been…startling. She'd never known that side of him existed. And the calm Hatsuharu-san, placidly stating things she didn't want to know and asking questions that seemed to come out of nowhere mystified her. The whole Sohma family mystified her. They seemed at once wholly themselves and yet she was certain they were hiding something. Perhaps it was simply her paranoia, or her desire to regain those lost memories. She wasn't sure.

Finals came and went, and she began to prepare for graduation. She was planning on pursuing her master's degree, but she wasn't certain what major she wanted to follow. Archivism was fascinating, but it didn't fire her up the way it had when she'd been a first-year. She slowly began to realize, as she pursued what was soon becoming her other passion, that keeping the stories of others wasn't nearly as satisfying as committing her own to paper. And like magic, the stories seemed to flow from her fingers whenever she took the time to write them down. She'd already finished one.

The day of her graduation arrived, and she accompanied her parents to the ceremony, carefully carrying her cap and gown with her. Her mother was beaming with pride. Her father had a smile that stretched so wide it threatened to crack his face. She knew they were both proud of her, but she hadn't told them about her change of plans. She wasn't sure how they'd react to that.

"Tamae, I'm so proud of you!" Her mother cried, hugging her closely before they went to find their seats. As an alumni, her father was able to reserve seats that were quite close to the ceremonies. No craning of necks and straining of ears for her parents! She smiled at both of them, but the milestone seemed hollow to her. What good was a degree if she couldn't remember half of her education? But she returned the hug tightly, grinning at her father over her mother's shoulder.

"Arigatou, Oka-san. I couldn't have gotten here without you!" Her father didn't say a word, letting mother and daughter have their moment. His would come later.

"Mikage-san? I thought you'd be here!" she recognized the voice. Her heartbeat raced and she felt a flush spread over her cheeks. She broke the embrace with her mother, turning to see Sohma-sensei in a dark suit, smiling. She smiled back before she remembered that day. A shiver shook her slightly, and her smile became smaller.

"Ohayou, Sohma-sensei. It's been a long time." She replied quietly. She gestured to her parents. "These are my parents. I don't believe you've met them."

"Ie, I haven't." He bowed to her parents. "Ohayou gozaimasou. I am Sohma Shigure. I've been Mikage-san's mentor for the past year. I'm happy I've finally gotten the opportunity to meet you."

"Ah, Arigatou, Sohma-san." Her mother replied, taken aback by his polite greeting and his attractiveness. She gave her daughter an arch look that Tamae steadfastly ignored. "Tamae seems to have done quite well with your guidance."

"Ie, ie, she didn't require guidance at all. Merely someone to tell her when she was taking on too much." Shigure glanced at Tamae, but she refused to meet his eyes. These feelings were better put in their place—a silly schoolgirl crush that would go away with time. She didn't want to be in love with him.

"Are you here to see Tamae in the ceremony?" her father asked.

Shigure shook his head sheepishly. "I'm afraid not. I have a cousin who is also graduating today." He turned to Tamae, smiling wickedly. "I believe you met her, Mikage-san. That girl you knocked down on your way to class?"

Tamae blushed at his direct look. "Ah…hai. Sohma Rin, wasn't it? She was very pretty." Tamae's eyes slid from his smile to his ear to a point behind his shoulder and he felt an irrational spurt of irritation. Granted, she'd seen him at a bad time, but it shouldn't have caused this kind of regression! What _had_ she and Haru discussed?

"That's her. She wanted me to thank you for helping her that day."

"It was nothing." She glanced at her watch. "I must be going now, Oto-san, Oka-san. I have to join the other graduates." She bowed to Shigure. "Arigatou, Sohma-sensei, for all of your help. I hope I'll see you again sometime."

"Of course you will. If nothing else, pick up one of my novels from time to time, won't you? I would be very grateful." Shigure replied smoothly. He kept the smile fixed on his face, but inside he was seething at her polite formality. She was not-so-subtly shutting him out. That more than irritated him—he was angry.

"Ah, hai." She left the trio to their own devices, practically running in her haste to get away from him. Of course he would show up now. She knew that she had been using her studies and her research (or attempts thereof) to avoid him, but he had been avoiding her, too. In all the times they had been together, more often that not it had been he that had met her. _You liked that he made the effort to find you,_ that little voice in her head reminded her.

_So what?_

_So nothing. You might be able to fool him, but you can't fool yourself. You care more than you want to admit._

_No, I don't! My first priority is to figure out what his family has to do with my memories!_

_Liar._ She shook her head to clear it. _They say talking to yourself is one of the first signs of insanity._ She sometimes wondered if she was going crazy with all this. Perhaps it would be better to follow Sohma-sensei's advice and simply let it all go…

Shigure watched Tamae rush off to wherever she was going, slightly bemused. She had…_escaped_…from him. She was running away. Again, that irrational anger rose up in him, and for a moment he allowed it to break the surface and frowned. He didn't like that she was running from him, not at all.

"Do you have any plans after the ceremony, Sohma-san?" Tamae's mother's asked.

"Eh? Ah, hai. My family is having a party for my cousin." He answered, smiling at her. Tamae didn't really look like her mother. The woman had a delicacy about her that her daughter simply did not possess. At one time, Tamae's mother was more the type that would have appealed to him: a fragile, delicate creature who would nurture a household and a husband with equal energy. When had that changed?

"I'm sorry to hear that. It would have been nice to have you join us for dinner. You've made such an impact on Tamae."

"Have I? I rather think it's the other way around." He said bemusedly. He shrugged. "I'm afraid I didn't have the chance to give her this. Would you make my apologies for me, Mikage-san? I must get back to my family. I would like to see her again, though, when she has the time." He held out a card with his address on it.

"Of course, Sohma-san! Arigatou, for all your help with her. Have a wonderful time with your family!" Tamae's mother replied, smiling. He returned it with his own grin.

"It's always very lively. Sayonara!" He bowed and made his way back.


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. Mikage Tamae is my own creation, though in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

**Chapter 11**

Tamae stood uncertainly before the door to the address that had been on the card her mother had given her. It had taken her a month to gather the courage to make this trek. She'd debated with herself the whole way to his house. _Why am I doing this?_

_You wanted to see him again._

_Yes. No._

_Wrong. You wanted to hear his voice again._

_No! _

_You want him to see you. To respect you. To love—_

_No! I want his opinion, nothing more! _That other voice was silent. She ground her teeth and knocked on the door before she lost what little courage she had left. She shifted her weight as she waited. The minutes felt like hours as she waited.

"Mikage-san! What a pleasant surprise!" Shigure grinned. Her head shot up, eyes meeting his apprehensively for a moment before she blinked.

"O-ohayou, Sohma-sensei."

"Come in! What brings you here?"

She bowed, clutching a thick envelope to her chest. She was so…_cute._ She was cute, standing there like a frightened chick. He fought off the urge to touch her, instead stepping aside and gesturing for her to enter.

"I wanted to ask a favor…" she trailed off. He smiled warmly.

"I see. Please come in." She nodded as she slid off her shoes. "I was hoping to see you. I have something for you."

"For…me?"

"Hai! A graduation present. I'm afraid it wasn't ready at the time."

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say. She followed him to the common room, sitting when he bade her. She kept the envelope clasped to her chest as though it were gold.

"Would you like some tea?" He asked, the picture of the perfect host.

"Ah, hai." She looked about her curiously. The room was neat. He kept a clean house. That surprised her. She had thought bachelors would have had deplorable housekeeping skills. But then, who was she to talk? Her apartment was a disaster area. She waited for him to prepare the tea, only releasing the precious document when he offered her a cup. "Arigatou."

"What is this?" He reached for the package before she could stop him, opening it and skimming a few pages. "A manuscript?"

"Hai. It's actually the second draft. I've been working on it for the last few weeks," she finished lamely. He nodded, still reading. She sipped her tea and waited.

"You look very pretty today." He said casually. She jumped.

"Eh?" She hadn't thought he would notice. She had taken extra care with her appearance. Her nervousness rose.

"Hai. You look very good with that hairstyle." He glanced from his reading and smiled benignly at her. Unconsciously, she put a hand to her hair.

"A-arigatou." She blushed. He smiled inwardly at that telltale sign. _This is too easy_.

Akito had been pleased at his continued contact with her. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that Akito, too, wondered if she would be able to break through Hatori's hypnosis. The thought made him shudder. That this young woman would be made into an experiment like Tohru-kun…he wondered at the clenching in his gut at the thought of her being hurt. If anything, she could learn from Tohru's experience with this family. Perhaps he should set up a meeting between them? _Ie, _he thought. _Akito watches poor Tohru-kun like a hawk. If they met, it could be disastrous._

Yet this warring desire to follow Akito's orders and protect Tamae at the same time was bewildering. He shouldn't be having these feelings for someone who was simply a means to an end. He shook his head, laughing at himself.

"Y-you don't like it?" Tamae's nervous question brought him out of his reverie.

"Quite the opposite, Tam—Mikage-san. I simply never took you for the type to write a romance."

"Ah. I see." She didn't. "What kind of writer did you think I would be?"

"I didn't think you'd be a writer at all." He briskly shuffled the papers back into place. "You've given me quite a shock. I thought you'd had your heart set on becoming an archivist." She nodded at the statement.

"I don't know…it stopped being satisfying, I suppose. Do you remember asking me what my story was?" She looked at him almost boldly. He smiled sheepishly and scratched his head.

"I'm afraid I don't." He did. "You and I had many interesting conversations. It's difficult to remember the details of all of them."

"I realized I don't have a story. Not yet, any way. So I thought if I could write down a story that I hoped might come true…" her voice trailed off again and she wrapped her hands around her now-empty teacup.

"I understand. That's how writing is, Mikage-san—simply a story that might come true. If the first chapters are any indication, you seem to have a talent for expressing the emotions of your characters in ways even an insensitive boor would understand."

"Arigatou, Sohma-sensei."

He shook his head. "Isn't that a mouthful, Mikage-san? We've known each other long enough to use a more familiar form of address. Don't you think so?"

She blinked at him for several seconds.

"Ah…hai?" It was more a question than agreement. He smiled easily at her uncertainty. She seemed so like Tohru-kun at times.

"Well then, Tamae-chan, I would like your permission to address you as a friend. And I would ask that you do the same." She blushed again. This habit of hers of blushing whenever he addressed her was becoming an irritant to her.

"Of course, So—" she broke off, smiling sheepishly, "I mean, Shigure-san." His heart thumped. She had _never_ called him that. He rather liked it. He leaned over the table flirtatiously.

"What, not –kun?" He made a moue of disappointment. "I'm hurt, Tamae-_chan_."

"Ah…" she leaned as far away from as she could without seeming rude. He smiled again.

"I'm just teasing! You take things far too seriously, Tamae-chan!" He said her name again. He liked saying it. He could at least admit that to himself. "But on to more fun things!" He stood up. "Wait here, onegai! I'll be back momentarily."

She nodded dumbly. _Tamae-chan._ It sounded…good. She liked hearing him call her that. She mulled that over in her head until he returned, carrying a rectangular box. He set it down before her before sitting down.

"This is for you. Your graduation present."

"A-arigatou. You shouldn't have…" He shook a finger at her.

"Nonsense. Besides, when I saw it, it practically begged me to buy it for you."

"R-really?" Her fingers slid over the smooth paper that covered the box. Unable to resist the impulse, she picked it up and shook it, her face set in mock-concentration. "What is it?"

"Open it and find out. The suspense is killing me!"

"All right, then!" She tore into the paper with abandon. Wanting to tease him further, she stopped before opening the box and plastered a saddened look on her face. "It's a box."

"Baka." He laughed. "You're teasing me. Open it." She lifted the top of the box off, parted the tissue that filled it and pulled out a long frame. Beneath the glass, three ink drawings portrayed a girl, dressed in peasant's clothes, at various household tasks. Each was separated in the frame by a well-cut mat. She touched the glass wonderingly.

"It's beautiful, Shigure-san. This is too much." She felt tears gather in her eyes, touched. "Who is she?"

"No one knows. The drawings are quite old." She nodded, tracing the shape of one drawing. The girl was beating a tatami and the artist had managed to capture both the violence of the action and the girl's graceful form. She smiled. "You are pleased?"

"Hai." She whispered.

Shigure reached out and ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. She blinked up at him, mouth forming an 'o' of surprise. He grinned back at her, completely unrepentant. "I'm glad. She reminded me of you, a little."

Tamae's hand went from the picture to her cheek and she stared at him, blushing furiously.


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. Mikage Tamae is my own creation, though in hindsight I would have changed her family name.

**Chapter 12**

Tamae hung Shigure's gift on her wall, its delicate lines at distinct odds with the chaos of her apartment. She laid down on the futon, staring up at it. _Why would he give me a gift like that?_ It was far too expensive, too personal, too—much. It was simply too much. What was she supposed to think? A book, she might have understood. One of his books, she would have expected. But _art_? She sighed irritably, rubbing at a vague ache in her right temple. They had been getting more frequent, of late. And the wall in her mind had become much more dense. She sat up, looking at the mess that was her living space. _I have to clean this place up. It's a sty. _She paused for a moment, an odd sense of déjà vu keeping her in place.

_Now, where have I heard that before?

* * *

_

Shigure sat at his table long after she had left, idly rubbing his left thumb over the fingers of his right hand. _So soft…_ It was odd that he couldn't really remember how her skin had felt, before. He'd been overwhelmed by the desire to remind himself of its softness. It had been different. The contour of her face had thinned; there were angles in her cheek where he'd once felt only curves. He'd wanted to do more… he shook his head. That kind of thinking would get him where it got Hatori: blind and hurting, with no surcease from the cold. _It would be better if she didn't remember. It would be better if I nipped this in the bud right now. _Irrationally, a part of him rebelled at that thought. He didn't _want_ to nip it in the bud.

_What do I want?_ The answer was simple. He wanted it all. He wanted the family together, in peace. He wanted whatever wounds Akito carried to heal. He wanted Akito's recognition that he wasn't simply a pet, a cursed being at his disposal; he was a man. He wanted to find someone who could love him as a man and still accept the limitations his curse would put on any kind of relationship. He wanted everything. He sighed, shaking his head. _I've set myself up for a fall, I think._ How could he expect to have all that?

He was trying. He would succeed. Even if it meant hurting the family he loved, he would do it. Yuki, Kyou, Tohru, even Tamae had their parts to play in all this. _Why isn't Tamae's part in all this finished?_ Simple question, harder answer. It beat at him like a trapped butterfly, desperate to get out of its imprisonment. He leaned his head into his hand, covering his eyes. _Not yet. I don't want to know just yet. There's so much to lose…_

"Shigure-san? What are you doing sleeping at the table?" A sweet voice roused him. He bolted upright, blinking rapidly at the young woman who sat across from him, worry creasing her expressive features.

"Tohru-kun! I've missed you! How is my little flower today?" He smiled brightly, ignoring the kink in his neck. Tohru blinked at him, momentarily taken off guard by his energy. She smiled gently, smoothing nearly all of the concern from her face.

"I am fine, Shigure-san. You must be cold. Let me make some tea to help you wake up." She rose and made her way into the kitchen, while Shigure gratefully took the opportunity to stretch and yawn, working the kinks out of his neck and back. _How_ had he managed to fall asleep at the table? He hadn't done that since his school days!

"Shigure-san? The tea is ready." He smiled hugely at the young woman as she served him. He sipped the steaming beverage, exhaling with exaggerated relief.

"Arigatou, Tohru-kun! I've missed waking up to tea in the morning. This house is so lonely without you!"

"And Yuki-kun and Kyou-kun."

He nodded carelessly at her gentle admonition. "Hai, hai. And those two."

"Have you heard from Kyou-kun lately?" she asked eagerly. She never could keep her concern for the neko to herself. One of the things he liked about her—she was an open book. She had not an ounce of guile in her. He shook his head, pretending to think on her question.

"I don't think so, my dear." Shigure lied easily. "Akito keeps him apart from the rest of us, I'm afraid." She looked down at that. Her hands shook slightly as she raised her teacup to her lips. He schooled his expression into the one he used to wear around her the most—lighthearted fun. He'd known of the relationship that had developed between the two as teenagers, before Kyou had graduated and lost his bet with Akito. He had done nothing to protect them. That was Hatori's job, wasn't it? To protect the younger members of the family from pain like he'd experienced—and from devious, manipulative cousins like Shigure.

"And Kagura-chan? Have you heard from her?" This time, he could answer the question honestly.

"Ah, hai. She's doing well. She seems much healthier. At least, her mood swings have diminished somewhat since she came to terms with Kyou's rejection." Tohru smiled at that. She finished her tea and stood.

"Would Shigure-san like some breakfast?" His stomach, having been compressed for so long in its uncomfortable position, rebelled at the thought. Regretfully, he shook his head.

"Gomen, Tohru-kun. I think I'll go and take a nap." She looked at him in surprise. "I didn't sleep well last night, sitting at the table. My stomach isn't as resilient as it used to be!"

"Of course, Shigure-san! I'll just get started on the cleaning." He smiled at her and went to his room, settling onto the futon with a sigh. It had been more than his stomach. His mind had been so unsettled that he had slept fitfully. Tamae had merged with Akito in his dreams, and his family had alternately cursed and applauded them. He pulled a light cover over his body and fell asleep, thinking that he might actually lose this particular battle.

He awoke late in the afternoon. After changing into a fresh yukata, he slowly made his way to the common room, where he found Tohru sitting and reading the manuscript that Tamae had left with him. _How…? I must have left it on the table._ He smiled at the picturesque scene, which reminded him of the times he'd helped Yuki and Tohru study for exams in high school.

"Ohayou, Tohru-kun!" She jumped at his greeting. Her eyes widened and she shuffled the papers together quickly.

"G-gomen nassai, Shigure-san! I finished my work early and was waiting for you to get up so I could make you some supper and you left this out here and—" He waved his hand at her rushed explanation.

"Don't worry, Tohru-kun! It's not mine."

"It's not?"

"Ie. It belongs to someone who's trying to become a writer. I offered to show it to Mii-chan."

"Oh." She looked down at the manuscript for a moment. "It's very good."

"Is it? I haven't finished reading it yet."

"The hero reminds me of you." She blushed slightly as she said it. It was difficult for her to think of Shigure-san, who'd been so kind to her, in _that _way. Shigure rocked back slightly on his heels at her observation.

"Does he? I don't see it." He sat down at the table, reaching over and snagging the stack of papers. He skimmed it cursorily.

"Ah, hai. He has so many sides. He's a flirt, and he's funny, and he's serious and perceptive all at the same time. Like you, Shigure-san."

"I'm like that?" He was genuinely surprised. He had never thought of himself that way. In his mind, his personality had two distinct halves: the perverted, lazy, laughing side he showed the world and the serious, manipulative, watchful side he kept to himself. Tohru smiled at his tone.

"Hai, Shigure-san! You laugh, you joke, but I can tell you love your family and you'd do a lot to protect them. Like with Hiro and Kisa and how you let them come over to your house so they could spend time together because Akito didn't like them being friends. And how you let me stay here and become friends with all of you and let me figure out my problems in my own time without getting impatient. You're very understanding, Shigure-san!" She said in a rush. He blinked at her for a moment before grinning.

"Tohru-kun, whatever would I do without you to make this old man feel like he's worthwhile!"

Her jaw dropped and she laughed somewhat self-consciously, shaking her hands in retort. "Ie, ie, I don't do all that!" she protested.

"Of course you do. You don't do yourself enough justice." She was so cute when she was flustered. He waited until she'd calmed down, pouring himself a cup of tea from the pot that had been sitting on the table.

"I wonder if that girl is in love with you?"

He almost dropped the teapot.

"N-nani!"

"She seems to know you very well, Shigure-san. Have you spent a lot of time with her?"

"Ah…eh…I suppose I have…" he admitted, scratching at his head in embarrassment. _Was it that obvious?_ She watched him, smiling gently. "She was my charge when I was in that mentoring program researching my last novel."

"The hero is so like you, I guess I saw her in the heroine. I could be wrong."

"You must be, Tohru-kun," he said almost desperately. "The hero has light hair and eyes and he's violent and the heroine has short hair and she's working and…" he trailed off. Why was he protesting Tohru's observations? He shook his head. "You must be wrong. The heroine is nothing like her."

"What is she like?"

"She's very…I suppose the word is 'restrained'." He thought for a moment. "She's strong, but she doesn't know it. She's spent her whole life chasing a dream and she just left it behind her when she started writing. She could be quite pretty if she let herself, but she doesn't take any pride in her appearance." He sighed. "It's a shame, really. She's just…" _She's just Tamae. How can I describe her?_ "She had an accident a while ago and she's still recovering. It's affected her personality somewhat. She's not someone who trusts easily."

"Like you."

"Hai, I suppose so." Tohru suddenly leaped up and wrapped her arms around him. POOF

"Ah, gomen nasai, gomen nasai!" She exclaimed, arms still wrapped around him. He laughed at her. She still freaked out when they transformed.

"Ah…Tohru-kun? Why did you hug me?" He asked as he snuggled into her. He supposed being hugged in his cursed form was better than not being hugged at all.

"Ah, um, I was just so happy for you, Shigure-san!"

"Happy?" _For me?_

"Hai, hai! You've let someone else see the real you, Shigure-san! You must trust her a lot. Perhaps you'll fall in love with her! That makes me happy."

"Eh?"

"You're always so alone, Shigure-san, especially since we all moved out. I want you to not be alone any more. If she can make you less lonely I would be very happy!"

He sighed quietly. "That might not be in the cards for me, Tohru-kun. Not every girl is like you. Besides," he joked, "she's too old for me. She just graduated from university!"

"Really? Didn't Rin-san just graduate, too?"

"Hai." She released him, settling before him. Wide brown eyes stared into his own cursed black ones.

"You'll find someone, Shigure-san. I know you will. It's just that her story was so sweet and the hero was so much like you. Gomen, Shigure-san. I didn't want to depress you." She leaned in and kissed nose, something she would never have attempted if he were in his human form. She sprang to her feet and walked towards the kitchen, saying, "I'll just go and make us some supper. You'll probably be changing back soon. Would you like some fresh tea when you're done changing?"

He followed her with his eyes. Why had the thought that he wouldn't find someone so saddened him? Tohru was so warm and accepting. What hope could he have that there would be someone else like her out there for him? _Kyou's very, very lucky. If I had been a few years younger…_ "Ah, hai. I would like that very much. And Tohru-kun?" She turned, eyes bright. "Arigatou. For everything."

She smiled. "You're practically my family, Shigure-san. You don't need to thank me."

"I know." _But I'll do it nonetheless. With you here, the house isn't so quiet._ He was really beginning to hate the quiet.


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does.

**Chapter 13**

"And how is our little girl lost doing?" Akito asked. His voice and expression conveyed disinterest, but his gaze was sharp on Shigure.

"She still doesn't remember." He replied easily. An odd protective instinct prevented him from providing more detail.

"I see. You are continuing your…surveillance?" Akito was amused.

"Hai, Akito-san."

"The two of you have become quite close." Shigure willed his body into stillness. _How…_? "Tell me, Shigure, how is that particular _friendship _going?"

Shigure paused for a long moment, considering how to answer. "She comes to me for advice and critique of her writing. I suppose she still sees me as something of a mentor."

"Are you disappointed in that?"

"Should I be? I'm supposed to make sure she never finds out anything else about our family. I think I've been doing that."

"You have. You've done quite well. But I wonder…she's young, rather pretty in a commonplace way, and obviously admires you. It would only be _human_ to want something more." Shigure smiled.

"Of course it would. I've left that behind me."

"Humanity?"

"That particular aspect of it." Akito nodded, his face contemplative.

"My monkish inu. Do you deny it all because you know no other will take my place in your life?"

"I deny it because it is distracting and…unsafe. My first priority has always been you and this family, Akito-san." Shigure reassured the family head even as Tamae's eyes flitted through his mind.

"I will always be your first priority, Shigure." Akito stated coldly.

"Hai, Akito-san. Always."

"Really, Shigure-san? She wants to see it?" Tamae was so excited she almost leaped to her feet and jumped for joy. Almost.

"Hai, hai! Mii-chan said it was quite good. She's got a good instinct for what sells. Now if only she'd do something about her hysterical nature…" Shigure sighed dramatically, looking towards the ceiling. Tamae was practically vibrating with energy at his news. He allowed himself a true smile at her pathetic restraint. "Anyhow, she says she'd like to see your revisions next week. Will that be enough time?"

"Tomorrow would be enough time! Arigatou, Shigure-san! This is more than I hoped for! Arigatou!" Shigure waved a hand at her ebullience.

"Ma ma, Tamae-chan. You're practically an established author now. You should behave with more dignity." Tamae snorted.

"Coming from you, that's backhanded advice. 'This love scene needs more detail.' 'Tamae-chan, perhaps you need some experience before you write about these sorts of things.'" She mimicked. "Is that dignified?"

"I'm a horrible example, it's true. Must you be so harsh?" Tamae smiled. She did enjoy ribbing him on occasion. And she'd been horribly flustered when he'd advanced on her with that comment. He'd stopped three feet away from her and even now she wasn't sure if she would have responded to him or hit him if he'd continued.

"Was that harsh?" she teased. "I think I've gotten far worse from you. The truth hurts, doesn't it?"

"Truth?" Shigure's ears perked up. "Is that how you see me?"

"Hai, sometimes. You can be almost cruel sometimes, Shigure-san. You say things that are true, but you don't pull punches." Shigure nodded. He didn't believe in pulling punches.

"You're quite observant, Tamae-chan. Tell me, how do you see me those other times?" He smiled at the blush that stained her cheeks. "Oh, I see."

"See what?" she asked defensively.

"You're attracted to me." He stated baldly, waiting for the explosion. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed for a few seconds before it erupted.

"Eh!"

"You're so obvious, Tamae-chan."

"Ie! I'm not—I mean, not like that!"

"Not like what?" He grinned at her discomfiture.

"This—I—" She stammered, at a complete loss for words. He laughed.

"I'm teasing, Tamae-chan! Teasing! I'm far too old for you. I'm sure a younger man would be more attractive to you." She continued to blink at him, her eyes glassy. "How are your studies going?"

"Eh? My studies?"

"Hai! Your master's studies. Foreign languages. How are they going?"

"Th-they're going fine." She was still staggering. He leaned closer to her, somehow pleased with her reaction.

"Fine. That's all? No complaints about professors, no moaning about the piles of homework? You're so dull, Tamae-chan!" He gave her the out. He couldn't help it. Her eyes snapped to his face and that familiar, mulish expression once more crossed her features.

"If I'm dull, what are you? Picking on me like that! Do I amuse you that much?" She crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

"Hai, you do. You're so fun to tease, Tamae-chan." He leaned closer. Her eyes never left his face, but her expression was now tense, nervous. "You said I speak truth. Did I speak truth just now? Are you attracted to me?" He brought up his hand and stroked his fingers down her cheek.

For a moment, she couldn't breathe. He wasn't looking at her; rather, he was looking at his hand as it moved lightly over her cheekbone. "And if I was?" she asked breathlessly. "Does it matter?"

"It might." He lightly ran a fingertip down the bridge of her nose.

"Do you want me to be attracted to you?"

He paused, molding his hand over the curve of her cheek. If he said yes, what would that mean? That he was attracted to her as well. _Does it matter?_

_Yes,_ he finally admitted to himself. _It matters. Damn it all, it matters._ He leaned even closer, keeping a careful distance between his body and hers. He brought his lips to her ear, smiling as she tensed and her breath hitched.

"I think that I do," he whispered into her ear. "I think I want that very much." Tamae closed her eyes helplessly as he gently turned her face towards his. Her heart began racing; she could feel the beat of her pulse throughout her body. She wanted to reach up, to hold him, but her arms felt like they were weighted with lead. He softly nuzzled her neck and she began to shake. She felt him smile against her skin, brushing his lips upwards, over her jaw, across her cheek, over her lips. She stopped breathing. He pulled back slightly and she opened her eyes.

His eyes were focused intensely on her lips; so dark they were almost black. His hand glided from her cheek to her chin, his thumb stroking her lower lip almost absently.

He felt like he should say something, anything that would warn her away from him. Something so terrible that she would run from him and never return. The thought that he'd never see her again was—painful.

"You're shaking. Are you afraid?" he whispered. _Give me an out. Tell me I'm out of line, onegai._ Her eyes closed again and she shook her head almost imperceptibly.

"Ie. I'm not afraid." She replied softly. She didn't know what she was feeling, but it wasn't fear. Anticipation, nervousness, but not fear. He closed his eyes for a moment, suddenly relieved and tense. He brushed his lips against hers. _So soft…_

"Open your eyes, Tamae. Don't hide from me." At his words, her trembling increased and she responded slowly, her eyes blinking open. He smiled at her dazed expression and leaned in again, pressing his lips against hers lightly. She responded as shyly as she'd opened her eyes. When she moved against him, sighing, he deepened the kiss. She moaned in spite of herself and he smiled, breaking the kiss to look at her.

Her eyes were heavy-lidded, her cheeks were flushed and her lips were rosy. She was still trembling. He traced the contour of her cheek with his lips and her breath hitched again. _What am I doing?_ He didn't care. His lips found hers again and this time he deepened the kiss even more, tangling his hand in her hair as he pressed it against the back of her skull. She responded helplessly, submitting to the kiss completely, returning it slowly at first, then as fiercely as he. She felt like he wanted to…_consume_ her; she doubted she could have fought it if he did. She wanted him to.

Shigure nearly lost himself. The feeling that rose in him was overwhelming. He wanted to hold her, to protect her, to hide her, to show her off. He wanted her to give herself to him. He wanted her. He wanted her to want him. He nipped lightly at her lower lip, kissed his way along her jaw line to her ear. Her shaking had all but stopped. She moved to lean against him and alarm bells went off. He released her and held her shoulders, keeping her from getting too close.

She blinked at the sudden change in atmosphere. He smiled gently, reassuringly. "That was a surprise." He said softly.

"A surprise?" she repeated dumbly.

"Hai." He released one shoulder to trace his fingertips softly over her cheekbones, her eyes, her lips. She closed her eyes at the sensation. "Who would have thought Tamae-chan would be so sensual?" He tried to keep his tone light, to resurrect the teasing mood he'd had earlier. He failed. Even as he chuckled, his fingers traced the shell of her ear and she flushed. Her back stiffened.

"Who would have thought, indeed?" she asked huskily. The odd sound made him shiver.

"I guess this answers my question." Still holding her shoulder, he pressed small, chaste kisses along her collarbone.

"Question?"

"You are attracted to me." He laughed quietly.

"And you're attracted to me." He stiffened at the certainty in her statement.

"Perhaps." He pulled away from her. She blinked at his retreat. "I shouldn't be."

"Why is that?" _I will not be hurt. _Nonetheless, his subtle rejection cut her.

"I'm too old, for one thing. And our previous relationship…"

"You mean as my mentor?" He nodded, lying. "Why would that matter? You're not my mentor now."

"It would not look good for you."

"I've never cared how I looked." She was confused. With every word, she could feel him distancing himself from her. "Why are you so concerned about that now?"

"I'm ten years older than you are, Tamae-chan."

"And? I don't understand." The kiss meant nothing?

"No, you don't. You should go." He said tiredly. He didn't want to deal with this. Not now. Is this what Hatori had felt? Tamae blinked at him for a minute before she scrambled to her feet, bowing low to him.

"Of course, Shigure-san. Please tell your editor that I'll have those revisions for her by next Tuesday." She turned away, blinking back tears. Impulsively, she stopped and addressed him again. "Shigure-san, whatever you're working towards, I hope it's worth it. Don't play with me again." She said it with more force than she felt. She left him then, not even looking to see his reaction.


	15. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does.

**Chapter 14**

Tamae wandered the streets for a long while afterwards. She could still feel the kiss; her lips tingled with the memory of it. Had it been a game all this time? _Why? _Perhaps he was right. She shook her head. She didn't believe it.

**_You don't want to believe it._**

_Why would he do that? _

**_Because he can. Because that's his way._** That traitorous voice replied. The answer hurt. She didn't want to be his plaything.

**_You let it happen. You let him in._**

_I did. _She hated herself for that. Finally, her feet found their way back to her apartment.

She cut class the rest of the week, losing herself in revising her novel. Still, thoughts of him would surface at odd times: when she looked at the gift he'd given her, at the red dress his cousin had made, at the library. She ignored the pain that flared every time, refusing to let herself hurt. Nonetheless, she dreamed of him every night.

The phone ringing woke her up late in the morning four days later. She answered it blearily.

"Moshi, moshi."

"Ohayou, Tamae-chan." She straightened immediately, all fuzziness gone from her brain.

"Shigure-san."

"Hai, hai! How are you doing?" Shigure asked lightly, idly winding the phone cord around his fingers.

"I'm fine. What can I do for you?" He felt the cold in her voice like a blow. _I'm sorry. More sorry than you will know._

"Mii-chan asked me to set up a meeting with you. In all the confusion the last time I saw you, I forgot to give you her number." She covered the receiver with her hand and snorted. _Confusion? Bastard._

"I see."

"I have to give her the last few pages of my own novel anyway, so I thought we could kill two birds with one stone," He went on. "Would you mind coming to my house next week?"

"When?"

"Wednesday? Around noon." He wished he could see her face.

"That will be fine." Numbness began spreading from the hand that cradled the phone to Tamae's feet. She had an odd urge to laugh at her own foolishness and cry at the same time.

"Tamae—" Shigure began, hating the remoteness in her voice. He had to explain, somehow.

"Wednesday at noon." She cut him off. "Arigatou, Shigure-san. For this opportunity. Sayonara." She hung up on him, on what he'd wanted to say. _I'm not ready for this. Not now._

Shigure was left staring at the phone, hating himself. That kiss…it had startled him. Scared him. He, who had held Akito back when he attacked Kana, had been scared by a simple kiss. He shook his head. _Perhaps Aya and Tohru are right._ Whatever it was, he needed to figure it out before Akito found out about it. Akito invariably learned of everything.

Tamae also stared at the phone for several long minutes. _Why? Why? _She couldn't even form a simple question. _Why him? Why the Sohmas? Why did I lose my memories? This is…destroying me. I have to find out why!_ She rushed to her small desk, digging through drawers, file folders, and binders until she found a slim file case. She knew how many pages were in it; she had labored for well over a year to gather the information that the file held.

She sat down on the floor, reading it intently. Her head began to throb; she ignored it. The sun went down; she ignored that, too. She ignored everything except the words in front of her until she had no choice but to collapse from exhaustion.

In her dreams, she was walking in darkness. She called out again and again, only to have them bounce back at her, echoing off something. Finally, she came to a lighter patch in the darkness; a girl stood there, her hair was shorter than Tamae's, her clothing stylish. For some reason, Tamae stopped dead in her tracks.

_Who are you?_

**_I'm the you that chose to be left behind._**

_Left behind? Why would you do that?_

**_Because I thought it was the only way._**

_You're the voice! You're the voice I've been hearing all this time. I thought I was going crazy…_

**_I did. I went crazy. So crazy I thought it would be better to leave me behind. I thought it would accomplish something._**

_It didn't?_

**_Are you happier for it, now that I'm gone?_**

_Happy?_

**_Yes, happy! I didn't want to forget! I forced myself behind this stupid wall. Do you know how long I've been trying to get out? Do you know what it's like, watching you fumble your way looking for answers that I've had all along?_**

_But if you're me…_

_**I chose to forget. I thought I was doing something good.** _

_You weren't?_

_**I've had a lot of time to think about that. It was good, but it wasn't right. You shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself, not even for your friends. I should have run.** _

_Run? Instead of staying behind?_

_**Yes! At least then I would still be whole, not this splintered thing behind a wall!** _The girl waved her hands and Tamae realized she had some sort of barrier around her. She looked sad.** _I miss her so much…_**

_Her?_

**_If you want to remember, you have to breach the wall._**

_How do I do that?_

**_You have the tool in your hand._** Tamae looked down and saw a hammer in her hand. She stared at it for a moment before returning her gaze to the girl.

_You're…me._

**_I said that. I'm the you that chose to forget. I don't want to be locked up here any more. And you want to find the answers that you haven't been able to discover. Finish this._** Tamae nodded, looking into her own hazel eyes as she raised the hammer and brought it crashing down…

Tamae woke to daylight streaming into her apartment and a blinding headache. She fumbled for the drapes, pulling them closed against the light. It only made her headache worse. She took some medication for it, wandered back to her desk in a kind of daze. She surveyed her small apartment as if looking at it for the first time. She walked slowly around the room, touching this, straightening that, until she came to the only piece of framed artwork in the place: Shigure's gift.

Tamae straightened. She reached up to touch the cool glass over first one drawing, then the second, then the third. Tears gathered in her eyes and she blinked them away furiously. Her fingers smoothed over the frame, traced the lines of the figures behind the glass. "Haruko…" she whispered. "Gomennassai, Haruko-san. I suppose I haven't learned anything, after all. Forgive me, onegai." _Forgive me. I won't let myself become you again._


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does.

**Chapter 15**

Shigure was nervous. He was actually nervous. Of course, he wouldn't show it. He'd laugh, he'd joke, he'd torture Mii-chan in his usual fashion. If she noticed the slight tremor in his hands as he gestured, she'd be too overwrought to comment on it. He'd make sure of it.

"Seennnsaaaiiii!" she moaned lowly, head already buried in her arms on the table. "Why? Why do I put up with this? I'm cursed. Cursed."

"Of course you're not, Mii-chan. You're simply overworked." Her head snapped up at his teasing.

"Overworked? Overworked! Of course I'm overworked when I have to deal with someone like you on a regular basis! Where are those last 50 pages? I know you've completed them! Why won't you just give them to me?" she wailed, her voice rising with every syllable. He glanced towards the doorway, the shoji door opened slightly so he could see Tamae when she arrived.

"Everything in good time, Mii-chan. Although, I'm sure I had them here…perhaps I've misplaced them."

"Seeennnsaaaiii!" Her eyes filled with tears of frustration and her hands clenched and unclenched into fists. He glanced outside and almost sighed with relief at the sight of a familiar female figure. He jumped to his feet.

"Oh, I believe our tea has gotten cold. I'll just go into the kitchen and make a fresh pot." He sang as he picked up the tray with its burden and slowly walked into the kitchen. He was putting the kettle on to heat when he heard the doorbell. "Mii-chan, would you get that? I'm a little busy in here. I think I left my manuscript in the refrigerator. I'm checking now." Dimly, he heard the poor woman moan melodramatically and he smiled.

As he puttered about the kitchen, setting up some cakes that Tohru had made the day before on another tray while he waited for the water to heat, he could hear Tamae's low voice and Mii-chan's higher, slightly hysterical tone. He was being a coward. He knew it. He would have to face her eventually-didn't he set this up so he could? Would she hate him? Of course she would. She wasn't the type who liked feeling she was being dangled. He listened with half an ear to Mii-chan's comments on Tamae's revisions, Tamae's arguments about why she had done some of them. He smiled at the mulish tone in Tamae's voice. He'd heard that so often in the last year. She wasn't going to back down on that particular change.

The realization hit him hard. He knew her so well. He knew her body language, her voice, the expressions on her face. He was as close to her as her own family. He wanted to be closer. He wanted to see her face light up when he came into the room, not shut down like he was afraid it would do. He wanted to see her smile. _Why? _The answer was simple. Every time he saw her, those were the reactions he had to fight to conceal. If she felt the same way, perhaps he could allow himself to show his own emotions. Perhaps he could trust her with them. Perhaps he could trust her with more.

He shook his head. Even if Akito allowed the relationship, could he ask her to make that kind of sacrifice? Could he even expect that she'd allow herself to get into a relationship with him after the debacle last week? _I'm getting ahead of myself._ The teakettle began whistling and he quickly washed to teapot in the hot water and filled it. Assembling the two trays, he balanced them carefully and went back to the table.

"Ohayo, Tamae-chan! How are you today?" He asked as he entered the room. His attention was on the two trays and not spilling them, so he didn't look at her. He set them carefully down and settled himself opposite the two women before he let himself. He gasped quietly.

Tamae had gotten a haircut. Her hair, once straight and long past her shoulders, was now cut in a chin-length bob. It angled along her jaw line, skimming her earlobe as it rose slightly above her hair line. She was wearing small silver hoops in her ears and a black velvet ribbon choker that looked familiar. Her clothes were as different from her previous style as night from day. She was wearing makeup. She smiled at his reaction; he noticed that the smile did not reach her eyes. _Is she still angry?_

Tamae's heart was racing. It had been since she'd left her apartment. She forced herself to remain relaxed as his eyes swept over her changed appearance. "Ohayo, Shigure-san. Mii-chan tells me that you've been holding out on her."

"Eh? I haven't been holding out on her. I've simply misplaced the pages."

"Hmm." She poured herself and the editor the tea that he'd neglected to serve. "You shouldn't tease her like that. It's not healthy for her."

"Tamae-chan, you are so kind! He is so inconsiderate!" Mii-chan wailed. She sipped the tea quickly and helped herself to a small cake. "I'm sure you're not like that."

"Of course not. I want you to think highly of me, if for no other reason than that I'd like you to look favorably on my book." Tamae smiled. "I'd like to thank you for meeting with me. I'm honored." Mii-chan blinked at her bluntness.

"Such straightforwardness is so refreshing, Tamae-chan!" Tamae smiled again.

"One of the things I've learned is that bluntness is usually best. It's a lesson that's stood me in good stead." Shigure straightened at the expression that flitted across her face. She looked almost…sad…for just a moment.

"It's a shame some other novelists aren't that forthright." Mii-chan sent a teary glare Shigure's way.

"Ma ma, Mii-chan! I have always looked forward to your visits! There are just times when things get in the way."

"Get in the way? Like the time you left your house to go to a lake when you knew—you _knew_—I was coming?" He shook his hand in denial.

"I was helping a dear friend! He was going through a rough time. And I called you from the lakehouse, didn't I?" He sighed exaggeratedly. "I have always made an effort to be as considerate as possible!"

"Considerate! Consideration would be giving me those last fifty pages, sensai!"

"I told you, I've misplaced them. I wouldn't be a proper host if I didn't see to my guests' comfort before looking for them, now would I?" Mii-chan made an inarticulate noise of frustration, throwing her hands in the air. Tamae watched the exchange in wonder. _Does she even know that she's being manipulated?_ The pair continued to rally back and forth. Finally, Tamae lost patience.

"Shigure-san, would you be so kind as to find those pages? The day isn't getting any longer and I'm sure Mii-chan has other work to do. It's very kind of you to want to see to our needs first, but I assure you we'll do well enough without you're involvement at this point." She cut in. They blinked at her for a moment before Shigure smiled. It didn't reach his eyes.

"Hai, of course. Please excuse me." He left the room, feeling like he'd been dismissed from his own house. It would be easy enough to retrieve the pages.

"Has he always been like this?" Tamae asked curiously as she poured herself another cup of tea.

"Hai." Mii-chan sighed. "He's always been difficult. He's a brilliant writer but his professionalism…" She shrugged. "He's an artist. I suppose that's the only explanation for his temperament."

"I see." She smiled reassuringly at Mii-chan. "I'm sure he'll find what you need soon."

"I know he will. He never misplaced those pages." She sniffled. "He does this every time…"

"I'm sure he'll be along with them shortly."

"He's interested in you." Mii-chan's sudden observation stilled Tamae's hand; her teacup was halfway to her lips as she stared at the editor.

"Eh?"

"Did you change something? He was surprised by you."

"Mmmm…I had my hair cut. It looked abominable." She shrugged. "I hadn't had it cut in a long time. I've known him almost two years, so that might explain it."

"You're probably right." But Mii-chan looked closely at Tamae, noticing the strain that pulled her lips down slightly. Her hand underneath the table was clenched in a fist. _Something's going on here. Why did Shigure insist that I meet this girl here instead of simply giving me her phone number?_ She gathered up the manuscript that Tamae had brought. "Well, I think we've got everything in order here. As soon as he brings those pages, I'll be leaving. As you stated earlier, I do have other work to do."

"Arigatou. I'll be leaving shortly, myself." Shigure heard Tamae say as he approached the room. She sounded distracted. He entered the room with a triumphant flourish.

"I have found them! It was horrible, Mii-chan. First, I thought I had perhaps left them in the laundry," he sniffed the pages, "But no, they were not to be found there. Then I looked on my desk, but the sheer number of pages littered about the thing made finding these like searching for a needle in a haystack! And then I thought, 'Oh, my dear Tohru-kun was here the other day; perhaps she's done something with them.' But no. I searched high and low, and do you know where I found them?" He looked expectantly at the two women; one was looking at him with a combination of panic and impatience, the other with no expression whatsoever. He took a deep breath. "They were on that little table in the landing! Who knows how many times you've walked by them, Mii-chan! At least 3 times! You should work on your powers of observation, my dear editor!"

"Sensaaiii!" Mii-chan leaped up and snatched the envelope out of his hand. She ripped it open and rifled through the contents. Satisfied, she sent a murderous glare towards him. He mustered an innocent expression. Tamae snorted.

"It would seem that Shigure-san doesn't value much." She said. Her tone was bland, but her eyes…they were hurting. Shigure felt it like a punch in the gut. Still, he kept his face amiable.

"That's not true, Tamae-chan! I have quite a bit in my life that I hold dear."

"It's a shame your career isn't one of those things!" Mii-chan wailed. She bowed to Tamae. "I should be going. It was nice meeting you."

"And you, as well. Hopefully I'll be hearing from you soon. Arigatou." Mii-chan nodded and turned to leave. Shigure followed her. Tamae heard him make his goodbyes and return. She quietly sipped her tea, struggling for composure. _Why did I say that?_ _Stupid, stupid!_

"How are you doing, Tamae-chan?" She jumped at his quiet question. Thankfully, she'd already put down the teacup or she'd be wearing the stuff.

"I'm all right, Shigure-san." She watched him sit down. The silence became awkward.

"I—"

"You cut your hair."

"Hai."

"It looks good. Although I have to admit that I prefer it longer."

"I didn't do this for you." She said bitterly.

"Of course not. Change is usually for the good, ne?" _What's that supposed to mean?_

"Usually." She clasped her hands in her lap. "Shigure-san, I—"

"I'm sorry." She was startled enough to look at him. His face was contrite. His eyes weren't.

"About what?"

"The other day. When we kissed. I shouldn't have done that."

"Why did you?" _Do I want to know?_

"Call it a moment of weakness."

"You don't strike me as someone who gives in to such moments."

"We're all human." _No, you're not,_ she thought._ You're not human at all. _"I'm no exception." He sighed. "We've known each other a long time. I don't like this turn in our relationship."

"Turn?"

"Hai. I don't like the way you've been avoiding me lately."

"You're no longer my mentor. I'm still in university. It's reasonable to expect that our acquaintance would not be as regular."

"You're upset. You always use large words when you're upset." She snapped.

"Of course I'm upset! Why wouldn't I be upset? I feel like some toy that's been played with and thrown away! What person in their right mind wouldn't be upset about that?"

"You're not a toy."

"Of course not. I'm just someone you can play with during your moments of weakness." She stood up. "I hope the next time you feel the urge to play you call someone with less invested in the relationship."

"Less invested? Tamae-chan, what are you saying?"

"Don't call me that! Friends don't pull friends closer and push them away like you did. Don't _toy_ with me, Shigure-san!" Oh, she was angry. She glared at him, her eyes sparking and her cheeks flushed with it. In a corner of his mind, he admitted to himself that he liked that she was angry. It meant that she felt something.

"I wasn't playing with you." He was being honest. He hadn't been playing. That's what was scaring him.

Tamae felt another headache coming on. _He's ruthless. Be careful of him, Tamae-san. _That voice-it was Isuzu-chan. She'd told Tamae that after the first time she'd met Shigure—

After _the first time._ She stared at Shigure, realizing that their meeting in the program had been—

_The second time. That was the second time we first met. Kami-sama, why? Why did he do that?_

"Tamae-chan?" Shigure asked. Her face had gone from angry flush to panic pale in a heartbeat. She was staring at him as though he'd grown a second face.

"Why?" she whispered. "Why did you do that?" Shigure was unsure of the question. He looked at her for a moment before he answered.

"Because I wanted to." She shook her head at his answer. "Was I wrong to do that?"

_He still thinks we're talking about the kiss! Doesn't he realize—of course not. How could he know? I still don't have all the memories back. _She opened her mouth to correct him and shut it again. _What if he was supposed to keep an eye on me? What if all this is a lie? I can't give him any clue that I remember. _

Shigure watched her carefully. Her face expressed her lightning emotions so tellingly…shock, then impatience. Caution. She was guarding herself against him. It was only reasonable. She was young, and impressionable. Whatever her feelings for him, they were new. She didn't trust them. She didn't trust him. _Why should she?_

"Tamae-chan, you should sit down. You don't look well. Have you been eating?" He was truly concerned.

"Eating?" What was he talking about? "Of course I have. I'm not an idiot."

"I've never thought you to be one. But you're looking quite pale. You should sit down." She shook her head. There was too much going on in her head, which was pounding. _Be careful of him. Be careful of him, Tamae-san._

_Oh, Isuzu-chan, it's already too late._ "I have to go."

"You're not in a state to go anywhere." It was a statement. She was shaking; the shocky expression had yet to really leave her face.

"I'm fine." He looked at her so piercingly that she gave in. "All right, I have a headache. A little one. It's nothing."

"A headache?"

"Yes. Pain in my head. For some reason, I get those around you." She said. Her tone was biting. "I can't imagine why. Talking to you is like talking to a wall. It's not like you say anything meaningful." She had to get out of there!

"Hooo? Where _did _these claws come from? Sit down, Tamae!"

_Run!_

"I have to go!" He stood up. "No! I have to go, Shigure-san. I—"

"Not right now, you don't. You've been standing like a statue for the last five minutes and then you say such hurtful things! I can only think you're deliberately trying to make me angry so you can leave."

"That's not true, I—"

"And now you're lying. Sit down, Tamae-chan," he sighed. "I'm going to call a friend of mine. He's a doctor. You aren't acting like yourself." She started laughing.

"And how am I supposed to act? Like the dead thing you met in the university? Or should I act like the _creature_," she spat the word out, "that I was when you kissed me and practically threw me away from you?" The pain in her skull grew tenfold. She was almost blind with it.

"I did not throw you away from me."

"Of course not. You're much too old for such dramatics. No, you simply cut off whatever _thing_ was there and left me wondering why." She laughed again. "I really am a fool, aren't I?"

"Tamae!" Shigure was genuinely alarmed. She was hysterical. "Sit down!" He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her towards the table, putting just enough pressure to make her sit. She was still laughing. "I'm calling Hatori."

_Hatori…_

"No!" she cried. "I'm all right! I'm all right. I'll be fine, Sohma-san. Please, just let me go!" The pain ballooned and she rested her forehead on both hands. "Oh, my head…" Blackness was swimming around her vision; she tried vainly to keep it away.

"Tamae!" she dimly heard Shigure's alarm as the blackness rose up and claimed her.


	17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. Mikage Tamae, however, is my own character, although (hindsight being 20/20) I would have given her a different family name.

**Chapter 16 **

"She was hysterical, Ha-san! She wasn't listening to a thing I was saying. Just staring at me and laughing." Shigure sucked on the cigarette greedily. It was calming his frayed nerves. "She's never been like that."

"A breakdown, perhaps?" Hatori was at his most clinical.

"I don't know. She seemed fine earlier. A little strained, but then she was meeting Mii-chan for the first time. It was understandable."

"What caused the sudden shift?" Shigure was silent. Hatori looked at his friend; he saw the fleeting expression of guilt that crossed his face. "What did you do, Shigure?"

"Nothing I haven't been ordered to." _Nothing I didn't want to._

"What did you do?" Shigure shrugged, masking his self-loathing with nonchalance.

"Akito told me to foster a closer relationship with her."

Hatori stared at him. "Foster a closer relationship?"

"She wears her emotions on her sleeve. She was obviously developing a crush on me. Akito told me to encourage it." It was only half the truth. The other half…he wouldn't admit that to a soul.

"And now here we are."

"Hai."

"It's understandable. She's missing two years of memories. She knows the Sohmas have something to do with why. She's been involved with you for a year and a half…and you can be charming when you want to be."

"Why, Ha-san!"

"It wasn't a compliment."

"But you did admit I am charming."

"And I doubt you made no small use of that with her. From what we know, she's never been involved with men before. It's almost predictable that she'd start to develop feelings."

"You make it sound so…cold, Ha-san." It did sound cold, and ruthless, and cunning. All the things he prided himself on being. _And look at the result_.

"I'm telling it like it is. So you tell Akito this, and he decides it would be fun to make this girl suffer. And he's using you to do it." Hatori shook his head. "Why? Isuzu isn't that important to him."

Shigure shrugged. Sometimes Akito did things because he could, with no reason for it. For Akito, there were no limits. Still, thinking back to Tamae's breakdown, something niggled at him. Something…

"Tamae complained of a headache." Shigure said, almost to himself. _What was it?_ _What did she say?_


	18. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. The character Mikage Tamae is my own, although in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

**  
Chapter 17**

Tamae's hands were shaking. She pulled out the phone directory, every instinct screaming for her to stop. _Isuzu-chan…_ Slowly, she flipped pages, not seeing their content. _Should I? Do I have the right? She's with Hatsuharu-san now. She has her truest friend at her side. Can I really impose on her again?_

This time, the voice wasn't there with a convenient answer. She sighed, closed the heavy tome and replaced it. The memories were coming back slowly. And yet, for all that they were coming, there were some things she doubted she'd ever remember. Isuzu-chan's cell number, for instance. It had simply been too long. She sighed again.

It had been a week since her collapse at Shigure-san's home. A week since she'd nearly revealed everything in her panic. A week since she'd begun to question the nature of his association with her, the coincidence of it. She'd begun to doubt her own belief in coincidences. _Happy coincidences…huh. _She remembered telling Isuzu-chan about happy coincidences. She laughed silently, humorlessly. Shaking her head, she left her tiny apartment, now pin-neat. She made her way to the library, willing her thoughts to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to think about Isuzu-chan, or Shigure-san.

Luck, however, was not on her side. As she entered the quiet building, she noticed the shaggy-haired figure lounging near the entrance, a heavy book propped in his hands. She paused before she made her way to him.

"What are you doing here, Shigure-san?" He looked up at her quickly, smiling.

"Waiting."

"Waiting." She repeated. "And for whom?" She already knew the answer. Did she want to hear him say it? She must.

"For you, Tamae-chan." She stiffened even as a small thrill raced up her spine.

"I told you not to call me that." Distrust and bitterness laced her quiet tone. He shrugged.

"Did you? My memory, it's not what it used to be." He closed the book, stretched. He looked slyly at her as he did so.

"I doubt that."

"So prickly, Tamae-chan! And after you slept at my house!" She turned and walked away. She couldn't deal with that, not right now. She couldn't deal with his banter. She couldn't deal with…

The fact that she was falling in love with him.

She knew it. She'd known it for a while. She also knew that he wasn't someone she should feel that way for. He wasn't someone she could trust, especially now. Not when she had so much at stake.

"What are you looking for?"

She jumped, startled. "Do you make a habit of following young women around?"

"Not usually. But for you, I can." He leaned in towards her. She could feel his heat, smell the peculiar scent that was his alone. She stepped away. He frowned, slightly, momentarily. If she hadn't been so wary of him, she probably would have missed it.

"So I'm a habit, then?" She hedged.

"Ie. You, Tamae-chan, are a friend. Do you doubt it?" He looked so crestfallen at the thought. She almost believed him. She wanted to believe him. _But I don't want to be a friend._ The thought was there, in the front of her mind. She couldn't deny it. _Kami-sama, what am I going to do?_

Rather than answer, she turned away from him, skimming the shelf of books next to her. _How did I get in the Humanities section?_ Distractedly, she shook her head and marched to the department she'd intended to when she'd arrived.

"Religions?"

"Why are you still here?"

"You didn't answer my question. Do you doubt that you're my friend?"

"Ie." _I don't doubt it. I simply doubt that you hold my friendship with much value._

"That wasn't a very convincing answer." _Why am I pushing her?_ He felt an odd, small desperation. It irritated him.

"What do you want me to say? That I love you?" she replied, her voice catty. And she turned in surprise at his silence. He was staring at her. "What are you staring at?"

"I'm not sure."

"Oh, you aren't sure. Tell me when you are sure, onegai. I'll be waiting with bated breath." She perused the shelves before her, finally selecting a heavy tome. He was watching her, an inscrutable expression on his face.

"Could you?" She turned as much at his question as at his reluctant tone. And blushed.

"Could I what? Love you?"

"Hai." He whispered. She took a closer look at him. He was wearing a western suit, like he had the first time she'd seen him. And the second first time. His posture was deceptively relaxed; his hands were stuffed in the pockets of his pants, his feet shoulder-width apart. His shoulders were slouched just slightly. But his face…his eyes were shuttered, his mouth set. He looked very serious. She paused, appearing for all the world as though she were considering his question.

"Hai," she finally replied. "I suppose I could. You aren't unattractive. You're talented, charming and successful. You're educated. We've had many interesting conversations." She ticked the items off on her hand blithely. _Let him sweat a little._ "Not to mention, you have a puppy-like quality to you that would make most women melt. All in all, that makes you a desirable catch. I'm sure if I put a little effort into it, I could fall in love with you." She smiled thinly. "But _will_ I? Not if I can help it."

Pain, pain, pain. She'd actually _hurt _him. He was surprised by that. He forced himself to chuckle easily. _What did I expect? Even if she did, I don't deserve it._ But his reaction to her blasé words forced him to face his own expectations. He wasn't sure he liked what he saw. "You are as direct as ever, Tamae-chan."

She smiled, even as she knew his statement for the lie it was. "Of course, Shigure-san. Did you expect any less?"

"Ie. But I have to tell you, I do know something about love."

"Do you? And here I thought you a confirmed bachelor."

"Confirmed? Ie. Bachelor, hai."

"And what do you know about love, you heartbreaker, you?" She clasped the heavy book to her chest like a shield as he approached her. The look in his eyes was so intent she didn't think she could move away if she wanted to. He leaned towards her, so close his lips were centimeters from her ear. Her breath caught in spite of herself.

"Love can't be planned. Not real love. It either is, or it isn't. You can't control it, Tamae-chan. You can't will it away." He whispered into her ear. Her face flamed and she trembled slightly at the intimacy of his words. He would ferret out all her secrets if she wasn't careful, like he had before. And she probably wouldn't be able to stop him. Helplessness washed over her and filled her eyes with tears. She turned her face away from him, blinking rapidly.

He backed off slightly. Every line in her body was stiff with resistance. He frowned slightly. "Daijobu?"

"Ah…" she sniffed. "Hai." She held the book even closer to her body. He noticed the slight movement.

"Let me take that. It must be heavy."

"Ie. It's all right. I'm used to it." Her voice was shaky. He smiled to himself. He'd rattled her. He'd wanted to do more. That alone held him back.

"And what kind of friend would I be if I let such a small woman carry such a large book?"

"What kind of friend would you be if you insisted on something after you've been refused?"

"A persistent one."

"But not necessarily a good one." He stopped, considering.

"I don't know about that. Sometimes being a good friend means being persistent about some things." _Like you were with Rin. Insisting on staying by her side until the end._ He'd never told her, but he'd admired that about her. _If you loved me, would you do the same? Stay by my side? Why am I asking myself that? Why is it important?_ He shook his head at his wondering. "All right then. If you insist on being an independent woman and refuse my gentlemanly offer, I must gracefully accept."

"Shigure-san."

"Hai?" He smiled down at her.

"When were you ever a gentleman?" She looked at him closely.

"You forget so quickly!" He laughed. "Last week, Tamae-chan. Last week."

"And before that?" She was challenging him.

"You are in fine form today, aren't you?" he changed the subject. "If I didn't know better, I'd think I wasn't completely welcome."

"Think what you like. I can't seem to get rid of you."

"Of course you can't. I'm something of a dog, you see." He stopped her with a hand on her elbow and leaned in again. "When I take hold of something, I sink my teeth into it and don't let go." He whispered. She began shaking.

"What are you saying?" He straightened and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. When he looked back at her, her face was wary, and wondering. _She's fighting herself. Good._ He felt a small, mean pleasure at her consternation.

"I'm not sure myself." He laughed easily. "I haven't flirted like this in quite some time."

"I see." Her spine stiffened and she marched to the large desk. He followed her curiously. She spoke in quiet tones to the librarian, handing him the book. Then she made her way to the exit.

"Tamae-chan? What about your book?"

"It can't be checked out. It has to be reserved. I did so. Now I'm leaving."

"Leaving? For where?"

"Does it matter?" _Why won't you leave me alone? Why must you play with me like this? This is just a twisted game for you._ She balled her hands into fists as she walked. Shigure, with his longer stride, was beside her before she reached the door.

"Tamae-chan?"

"Stop it." She whispered. "Stop it, onegai."

"Stop it?" He opened the door. She didn't even spare him a glance as she walked through.

"Hai! Stop playing with me. It hurts." She walked faster. He kept up with her easily.

"Does it?"

"You must know that it does."

"Hai, I do." He reached for her arm, linked it through his. When she tried to pull away, he pressed it against his side. "You hurt me, too, Tamae-chan."

"Eh?"

"The way you acted towards me in front of Mii-chan. You treated me like I was part of the furniture."

"Did I?"

"Hai, you did." He adopted a slightly severe expression. "You gave Mii-chan ideas. She won't play with me anymore."

"I doubt she considered it playing."

"But it was _fun,_ Tamae-chan! I'm beginning to think that you've missed fun for too long. You need reminding."

"Reminding?"

"Hmmm…Hai. We should do something fun."

"Something…fun." Suspicion was heavy in her voice. "Are you talking about a _date_?"

"Of course not, merely two friends, out and about enjoying the town. Why are you so tense, Tamae-chan?" He grinned. "I know! I'll call Aya and his cute assistant. That way you'll feel a bit more secure. After all, there's so much I can't do with other people around, isn't there?" His grin widened at the sound Tamae made. It sounded suspiciously like a growl. "It's settled, then. Today is the day we take Tamae-chan out for some fun!"


	19. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. The character Mikage Tamae is my own, although in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

** Chapter Eighteen**

He was actually excited about this.

Tamae stared at Shigure in horror. "A. Date." She hammered out, forcing herself to speak past a throat that had suddenly tightened to the width of a straw.

"Of course. How long has it been since you got out?"

_Too long._ "I have far too much to do. Besides, I can't afford it." She said primly. She edged away from him carefully. "May I have my hand back?"

"Your hand?" Shigure looked down at her forearm, pressed as it was against his side. "I don't think so." He watched with satisfaction as irritation sparked acid green in her eyes. At least it was better than cold distance.

"You don't think so?" she cried. "I didn't ask to have you as a mentor! I didn't ask for you to tease me the way you have! I didn't ask for you to meet with me today! I didn't ask for you to k—"

"Hai, you did." He snapped back. "Perhaps you didn't say it in so many words, but everything about you clearly asked for that. You're no victim, Tamae-chan. It would behoove you to stop acting like one."

That was it. She wrenched her arm away from his body and, surprisingly, he released her. She stumbled back, eyes huge and dark now in a face gone pale. He knew he'd gone too far, but damn it all, he _had_ to. He had to keep her close, if only to protect her from Akito, now.

"How…_dare _you?" she whispered. His face had no expression. His eyes bore into hers intensely.

"I'm sure you know by now, my dear Tamae-chan, that I'll dare anything as long as it gets me what I want." He replied coldly.

"You…" she began to shake as she stared at him, cradling her right arm in her left. "Why…?"

He shrugged. "I'm sorry that the idea of having a little fun is so abhorrent to you. Rest assured I'll not make that mistake in the future."

"What?"

"You don't look well. You're apartment is near here, isn't it? I'll escort you home." She stared at him blankly. "It's the least I can do."

Numbly, she nodded. _Yes, home,_ she thought. _Home sounds good. Home sounds…safe._ She turned in that direction, not bothering to notice if he followed her.

He trailed behind her, irritation warring with worry. Why was she being so standoffish?

_Why am I acting like this?_ Tamae wondered. _He's not my enemy. He's even been my ally, in his own way. _She mulled over that for a while as she made her way home. _Has he ever been my friend?_

The short answer to that particular question was no. He'd been a distraction, almost an enemy, a mentor, and a critic for her. But she had never gotten the feeling that he'd been her friend. Oh, he'd tried. And then he'd cornered her against a tree and forced her to show him that she knew what he was, she knew what Isuzu was, and put that friendship in such jeopardy that it had taken months to repair it.

And now what was he?

She didn't know the answer to that question. She mulled over it as she walked to her apartment, so deep in thought she failed to hear his footsteps behind her. What did he want to be?

Automatically, she unlocked the door and walked into the small space.

"My, this is a student's apartment, isn't it?"

She jumped, startled. "W-what?"

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

_No. Yes._ "That would be like inviting a scorpion into bed with me, wouldn't it?"

"Are you inviting me into your bed?" Shigure asked impishly. She turned and glared at him.

"Only you could think such a thing from a comment like that!" But Tamae did gesture for him to enter. He looked about the room curiously.

"Books, books, and books…what's this?" He wandered about the room, finally pausing at the table, where a slim file lay on top of a pile of papers. Tamae rushed over and snatched it away from his curious fingers.

"It's just work. Notes and such. I doubt you'd be interested." She paused and rushed on. "Would you like some tea or something else to drink?"

"Tea sounds good. Why wouldn't I be interested?"

"It's for a…math class."

"You need to study math in your master's program?"

"Hai! Statistics." Her mind raced as she set the file beside her as she began to make the tea.

"Statistics." His tone was disbelieving.

"It helps to gain a perspective about the…time period."

"Time period? In languages?"

"Hai." _Kami-sama, help me! _ "To understand lingual shifts and their historical context…"

She was obviously floundering. "Ah, I see. How very…dry."

"Eh?"

"To look at history and languages from such a rational point of view. Statistics tend to rob history of its humanity, at least to my thinking."

"Well, it's a requirement. I didn't say I enjoyed it." She heaved a sigh of relief, causing him to smile.

"Don't you? You're holding those…notes…awfully close."

"You're asking a lot of questions." She growled.

He shrugged. "It's what I do." He watched her set cups and teapot on a tray. Her hands were trembling slightly. "I noticed the drawings."

_The drawings? Oh, of Haruko-san._ "Ah…hai."

"Do you ever wonder why I gave that particular gift to you?"

"All the time." The response was out before she could stop it.

"Eh?" he said in surprise.

"You're a writer," she hurried to explain, "and your ego isn't exactly small. I was expecting one of your novels, or something along those lines. A pen, perhaps. Art is more…personal, I suppose. It means you actually thought about the gift. I always wondered why you thought it would appeal to me."

" I told you; she reminds me of you. Strong, and ordinary."

"Gee, I'm blushing from so much praise. I'll have to get a bigger apartment now, my head's so big." She replied, sarcasm dripping like acid in her voice. He laughed.

"I'm glad to see you're back to yourself. Perhaps I rushed you too much back there."

"Rushed me?" She brought the tray to the small table-slash-desk, setting it down a little harder than necessary.

"Hai. You haven't called, you don't stop by. I was beginning to think you didn't like me." He looked crestfallen. "I do want to stay your friend, Tamae-chan. Believe me."

"Why should I?" she sipped her tea carefully. "Sometimes you act like you're my friend, but other times…" she shook her head. "You make it difficult to trust you."

_Don't trust me. Don't ever trust me!_ "But that's the mystery of me, I'm afraid. I suppose you could call me mercurial, although Yuki-kun and Haa-san call me a jellyfish. I'm not sure why."

"Jellyfish are beautiful in the water. They float along the currents with their tentacles drifting like long, curling tendrils of hair or leaves. Their colors are only truly beautiful in the half-light that's just beneath the surface of the water. But that same color is what attracts their prey, and when they get close, those fragile-looking tentacles sting and poison them. You're a jellyfish because you're so attractive that anyone you set your sights on is already doomed. You'll sting them and devour them if they get too close."

"I don't know if I agree with that."

"You already know it's true. That's why you act the way you do; it's a way to keep people from getting too close." She sighed, cradling her teacup in her hands. "Even me. Or rather, especially me. I'm too close, aren't I?"

He shook his head; she sounded so sad. This whole situation was going to hurt her—didn't she see that he was hurting, as well?

"I'd say you're the same, Tamae-chan."

"Eh?"

"You draw people to you as well. And then, when things don't go just how you want them to, you cut those people with your words until they leave you. You're more comfortable being alone, aren't you? It's easier, isn't it, to not have to worry about anyone's feeling but your own?"

"That's…that's not true!" She shook her head in denial, even as doubts began creeping up.

He leaned back, turning so that he was looking at Minoru's drawings. "Are you so sure?" He was baiting her. He had to bait her. Drive her away. Keep her from falling in love with him. Anything so that he could get out of this no-win situation he was in, stuck between her and Akito.

"Yes! I've sacrificed everything for a friend! Everything!" she practically yelled at him.

"Everything?"

"Everything but my life! Have you ever done that? _Can _you!" she demanded.

"And what friendship was this?" He already knew. And he knew damn well that he couldn't make that sacrifice. "Was the sacrifice really for your friend? Or was it for you?"

Blind rage drove her to her knees, moved her across that small table and carried her hand from her teacup across his face. How could he? How could he dare to question her motives with Isuzu-chan? How dared he? How…

Too late, she realized her mistake.

"You remember." He said. It wasn't a question. She fell back away from the table, gasping in shock at her absolute failure. "When was it? When did you start remembering?"

"How…" she gasped out.

"You slipped up at my house." She stared at him, mute with shock and a new fear. "You called me Sohma-san."

"What?"

"After the meeting with Mii-chan. Just before you collapsed." He smiled, a small, thin curve of the lips that she didn't like at all. "You only called me that when you and Rin were friends. Since then, I've been 'Sohma-sensai' and 'Shigure-san'." He shrugged. "You were in such a state, it took me a couple of days to realize it."

_You bastard._ "What are you going to do with me now?" Her voice was shaking. "Take me back to Hatori-san, wipe my mind again? Make me back into that desperate thing you found when you went looking?" Her voice dripped with censure and bitterness.

"I understand why you're so bitter about that. You have to understand, that's just how things are done in our family."

She snorted. "How things are done. Tell that to my parents, and my teachers, and the few friends I had before then. Tell that to the person I was after I let Hatori rape my mind."

"And yet, you don't hate Rin. Interesting." He remarked coldly. "Your rant is tiresome, Tamae-chan, and far too distracting. The truth is, I haven't decided quite what to do about it."

"You were quick enough to throw me to the wolves before."

"What are you talking about?"

"How did Akito find out? Someone must have told him. And there were only a handful of people who knew…Isuzu-chan, Ayame-san, Hatori-san, and…you."

"And I'm so untrustworthy that you automatically decided I was the one who outed you?" He demanded, stung.

"Hai." She had curled up on herself, knees drawn to her chest, looking for all the world like a child who was waiting for a terrible punishment. He sighed.

"It wasn't me. Akito simply wanted to meet you. He has a way of ferreting out what people know. And you, my dear girl, were all too eager to throw yourself to the wolves for your friend."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm simply saying that you had the power to change those circumstances. You didn't consider that he might not know. He mentioned the curse and you didn't stop to think it might be better to play dumb."

She curled into a tighter ball.

"In all, it was brave, foolishly so, to throw yourself before the beast for Rin. But you never considered that it might not have been necessary."

"Bastard." Tamae whispered, eyes huge and haunted in her too-pale face. "You're saying the last two years have been _my _fault?"

"No. I'm simply saying that you suffered from a lack of imagination." Shigure smiled his cold mask of a smile at her.

"Get out."

"Does the truth hurt, Tamae-chan?"

_It's not truth. It's not! _Yet, even as she fought the idea, she knew that it was. In some small way, she had wanted to be free of Isuzu's pain, to free herself from the constant uncertainty of the situation. She buried her face in her arms. Dimly, she heard Shigure refill his teacup and sip.

"Get out." She said again, the command muffled by her arms.

"I don't think I will." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I can only imagine the doubts you're having…you were never a trusting type, were you? Why am I still involved with you? Is it truly a coincidence? If the matter was over when your memories were erased, why am I allowed contact with you now?" He sighed, quietly, when Tamae's head only buried itself deeper into the well of her crossed arms. "The truth, Tamae-chan, is that you intrigued me. After all, there aren't many who would willingly cast themselves to the wolves for their friend. Of course, you were arrogant and did so a little too eagerly, but the loyalty was there. I thought I'd give you a little time to settle yourself into your new life then I'd reconnect with you. I wanted to see for myself if what you were so afraid of before actually came true."

"What I was afraid of?"

"Hmmm…hai. You were afraid you wouldn't remember anything; that all the changes Isuzu had wrought in your life would be gone."

"Oh." _I haven't remembered that, yet._

"Yes. And lo and behold, your prophecy was self-fulfilling. I do believe you forced yourself to forget everything about those years you were friends with Rin. And since you had such a total amnesia, it would pique your curiosity about what had happened to you." He paused. Her face was still buried in her arms, but she had relaxed somewhat. "But that wasn't the case, was it? Instead, you had completely retreated from the world. And I found that you had been far too interesting a person to let all that time go to waste. I also wondered what would happen if you became my friend, instead. What can I say, I'm a little self-centered.

"But really, Tamae-chan, you are to be congratulated. No one has broken through Hatori's hypnosis before. Or if they have, we've never heard of it."

"Maybe you should have left well enough alone," she muttered. "I'd rather have—"

"Don't even finish that thought!" he practically barked at her. Her head shot up. His eyes were so dark with anger they were black, but his smile was still there.

"I hate it when you smile like that." She said. "I really do. You're lying, right here in front of me! And you think that a smile and charm will conceal it! Why should I believe you at all?"

"I can see that you are in no mood to listen to what I've been saying. I should have left earlier." His voice was now cold. He got to his feet slowly, not taking his eyes off her the whole time. "I'm very sorry I pursued you the way I did today. Perhaps it was too soon."

"Perhaps you're right." She said bitterly.

"I know you don't trust me, especially after everything that's happened between us. I suppose that's understandable. However, I tell you now that I want to be your friend. And I don't regret anything that's happened between us." _That ought to do it. _

She said nothing, just stared at him for several seconds and looked away.

"I'll go now. I hope that soon you'll call me; I don't think I'll make the effort to find you again for some time." With that, he turned to leave.

"Are you going to tell…" her memory failed her.

"Akito? I haven't decided yet. The price of my silence, this time, may be more than you're capable of giving." With that parting shot, he left her to her doubt and misery.


	20. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. The character Mikage Tamae is my own, however in hindsight I would've given her a different family name.

* * *

Chapter 19

"And how is it going?" Akito asked, gazing out the window. Shigure knew him to be more interested in the situation than he let on, but he didn't know why.

"It's going quite well, I think. I've been able to foster a close enough relationship that I've had tea at her apartment and been able to meet with her at various places."

"Do you enjoy her company?" Akito's voice was neutral.

"Somewhat. She's not a stupid girl. However, I much prefer the company of those inside the Honke." Akito chuckled at Shigure's response.

"Of course you do. We're your kith and kin, are we not?"

"Hai."

"No one understands you better than we do."

_That's not necessarily true,_ Shigure thought as he remembered Tamae's exclamations over his smile. "Hai, Akito."

"No one understands you better than _I_ do," Akito went on.

"Hai."

"Do you wonder why I asked you to do this?"

"Hai. But I would never think to ask you, Akito."

"Of course you wouldn't. Would you like to know?"

"Hai."

"So monosyllabic, Shigure!" Akito laughed. "That girl knew something about me that even I didn't. That made me angry, Shigure. She made me angry. And yet, you liked her." Akito turned and glared at the kneeling inu. "You couldn't stop watching her. You weren't looking at me; you were looking at her. That stupid, infuriatingly common girl." Akito got to his feet and advanced on Shigure.

"I'm doing this because I want to see how deep your feeling for her really is. I don't care if her memory resurrects; I don't care if it doesn't. All I want is for her to fall in love with you—and for you to prove your loyalty once and for all to me and reject her completely." He knelt by Shigure, twining thin arms about the older man's neck. "I want you to break her heart, Shigure. I want to punish her for taking your attention from me—and you're going to do it."

Shigure looked down, carefully guarding his expression. "Hai."

* * *

One month. Four weeks. Thirty days. No matter how she looked at it, that was the longest amount of time Tamae had spent in the last two years without talking to or seeing Shigure. She expected to see him at the library, or suprising her in the middle of the night with a phone call as he so often had. And yet, for a whole month she'd had no contact with him whatsoever.

It bothered her that it bothered her so much. It bothered her that she'd been counting the days, hours, since his ultimatum at her apartment. She knew that this time, the first move would have to be hers. Yet whenever she thought about it, her heart would hammer with fear.

After all, what had she done lately to even deserve his consideration? Attacked him, accused him, snapped at him. She'd done everything she could to drive him away. What if she'd finally succeeded? What if, this time, he really would turn his back on her? What if…

She nearly turned back. The doubts that had been plaguing her raged, making her heart pound and her blood rush through her body with such force that her hands were shaking. What if…

What if everything she suspected was true?

Finally, she pulled a hand out of the pocket she'd stuffed it in, raised it, knocked on the door. And stood there as the minutes ticked by, shaking. She knocked again. And waited some more. After what seemed like hours, she sighed and turned to leave.

The door slid open.

"Hello?" a feminine voice greeted her. Tamae turned and saw a young woman with long brown hair and huge brown eyes looking at her incquisitively. She looked familiar, but Tamae couldn't place when or where she'd seen her before.

"Ah… Is Sohma-san here?" Tamae was relieved that her voice wasn't shaking as much as her body.

"He's in the bath," the woman replied, then blinked. "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have told you that! Please, come in! I'm sure that he'll want to see you! I'm so sorry! You shouldn't stand out there like that! I'm—"

"It's all right. I—"

"You're Mikage-san, aren't you? Shigure-san was very impressed with your book! I like it, too! I'm sorry I read it before it was published, Shigure-san left it on the table and I'd finished my work and—"

"Um, can I come in now?" _Before I lose my nerve?_

The young woman straightened. "Of course! Would you like some tea?"

"Uh…hai?" Tamae replied as she followed the young woman into Shigure's house. The girl rushed off into the kitchen after seeing that Tamae had seated herself. While she waited, she tried to settle her nerves. Soon, the girl had reappeared with a tray and began serving the tea.

"What is your name?" Tamae asked her. She straightened.

"I am Honda Tohru." She dipped her head and handed a cup to Tame.

"I am Mikage Tamae. It's nice to meet you."

"Ah, hai! It's always nice to meet a friend of Shigure-san's!"

"A friend?"

"Hai! I noticed in your book that the hero seemed to be very much like Shigure-san, so I assumed that you were his friend…was that wrong? Are you not his friend? I'm sorry!"

"It's all right," Tamae laughed quietly. "I think the term 'friend' might be a little… unsuitable. At the least, though, I am an acquaintance." Tohru nodded quickly, a look of confusion on her face. "Is something wrong?"

"Ah…ie! It's just that, well, it's been quite some time since I've seen you! You look…a little more sad, I think."

"Sad?"

"I'm not saying you were sad before! Nothing like that! It's just that…"

"I had an accident. I have some amnesia. Perhaps I met you then? I don't really remember."

"An accident?" Tohru looked surprised. "And you lost your memories?"

"Ah…hai?"

"Oh. I'm so sorry!" Tohru stood up quickly. "I forgot to tell Shigure-san that you're here! Please excuse me!" Before Tamae could answer, she'd rushed off. Dimly, she heard her speak to Shigure, heard his deeper voice answer. Her shaking increased at the sound. Determinedly, she gripped her teacup in both hands and forced herself to breath. Tohru returned, knelt gracefully and picked up her own teacup. She sipped, glancing curiously at Tamae while Tamae tried desperately to think of something, anything to say.

"Ah…have you worked for Sohma-san for a long time?"

Tohru jumped at the question. "Hai. I've known him since I was in school. I lived with him here and with Yuki-san and Kyo-kun…" her voice trailed off. "When I graduated, I worked very hard so I could support myself and move out, but I come here twice a week to clean and cook for Shigure-san."

"I see." Something clicked into place. She'd come to give Shigure the scroll, and met Hatori-san that day. Hatori-san had been angry and berated her about being involved with them. And Shigure and Ayame-san had joked and laughed and watched her explode right back at him. It was the last time she'd seen Shigure before she'd seen Akito.

"Do you love him?" Tohru asked. Tamae looked at her for several long seconds and she began to protest. "I'm sorry, I know it's none of my business! It's just, you seemed to understand Shigure-san so well, I thought you must be very close to him! I'm sorry! You don't have to answer."

Tamae took a deep breath. Tohru was looking away from her, blushing furiously. And Tamae decided.

"Hai."

Shigure stopped, just outside the doorway. Had he heard that right? _Thank you, Tohru-kun!_

"Eh?"

"I do—love him." Tamae shook her head. "It's hard to admit it. I was… I've treated him terribly the last few months. I've been suspicious of him, and accused him, and attacked him. I've done everything I can to drive him away. But he kept at me. Even when he wasn't talking to me or meeting me, he kept at me!" Tamae set her teacup down, buried her face in her hands. "I hate this! I hate that I'm so afraid! He's so… why did I fall in love with someone like him?"

"Perhaps you were meant to." Tohru mused. "My mother used to say that for every person in this world, there's another person who they're meant for, even if it's for a short time. My mother had my father, and I had… well, she also said that there were two things that were the hardest to admit: that there were things you couldn't do, and to let yourself love someone else. She said that people want to protect themselves, and they don't want to let someone else have so much control over them. And she said that love means you open yourself up to joy, and to pain. She said that it takes a lot of courage to admit that you love someone, because that means they can bring you happiness, or they can give you pain. But if you didn't love anyone, I think that would be more sad." Tohru reached out, took one of Tamae's hands. "I think Mikage-san would have a lot to offer to Shigure-san. I think she could make him very happy."

As Tamae stared at Tohru in wonder, Shigure silently slid down the wall outside the room and sat on the floor. There were times when Tohru's wisdom could slice into one with such accuracy it was painful. And it was just like her to not discuss what could happen… especially when poor Tohru already knew. It was just like her to hope for the best for someone else, even when her own heart was breaking because of the Sohmas. And knowing that, it hurt Shigure to realize it would probably happen to Tamae.

Dimly, he heard the hushed sounds of Tamae's weeping and Tohru's croons as she tried to comfort her. And he made his decision.

"Ma ma, Tamae-chan, the last time you were here you collapsed, and now you're crying? So much feminine drama in my house, I should write another book!" he joked as he stood and entered the room. Tohru jumped; Tamae's back straightened and she glared at him. He sat down easily and took the cup Tohru handed to him before she broke it.

"How much did you hear?" Tamae asked. Her voice was neutral, but her hands were shaking around the cup she cradled. She didn't look him. He looked at Tohru, who was also looking down at her cup.

"Enough."

"And?"

"And I think that it's time you knew exactly what you're getting yourself into." Tohru started, eyes wide, and Shigure nodded to her.

"What does that mean?" Tamae finally lifted her head and looked at him. Tears had turned her hazel eyes gray.

"You were Rin's friend. You know about the curse. You haven't actually seen it. Before you decide to continue this, you should know everything." With that, he set his cup down, glancing at Tohru as he did so. She was sitting very still, watching events unfold with wide eyes. He stood, and pulled Tamae to her feet. She looked at him in confusion as he placed a hand on either shoulder and leaned in. "After this, if you still wish to continue this…"

"You mean there's something to continue?" she whispered back, conscious of the other pair of eyes.

"Tamae-chan! I don't kiss just anyone!" he laughed, as he wrapped his arms around her. She registered their warmth and closed her eyes, then…

Smoke exploded around her, acrid and blinding. She stumbled back, coughing, her eyes tearing. Tohru jumped up and supported her, helping her to wave the smoke away. When Tamae was able to open her eyes, she saw a largish black dog standing on Shigure's fallen yukata.


	21. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. The character Mikage Tamae is my own, although in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

* * *

**Chapter 20**

She started, and stared, and after several long minutes, began to laugh. It wasn't funny--far from it. But she was so relieved that he'd trust her with this, so happy that he _hadn't _rejected her, that she couldn't help laughing. She laughed so hard she had to sit down, Tohru at her side glancing worriedly between the two of them.

"I don't see that it's so funny." Shigure groused in his dog form, and she started and stared once more to hear a human voice making human words out of a dog. And she kept laughing at the sheer absurdity of it.

"Oh, it's not, it's not, but it _is_!" she was gasped, once again dashing tears from her eyes. "I didn't (gasp) expect you to (gasp) be a dog! Well, this certainly (gasp) explains Isuzu- (gasp) chan's insults, doesn't (gasp) it?" Laughter pealed out again. "Oh! I (gasp) can't (gasp) stop (gasp) laughing!"

"It's really not appropriate." Shigure tried for stern, but failed. He, too, was relieved. Tamae's laughter was infinitely more appealing than Tohru's hysteria.

"Um…Ano…" Tohru was trying to get Tamae to sip some tea in an effort to quiet her. "Shigure-san…she really can't stop…"

" (gasp) I will, (gasp) I'm trying!" Tamae gripped the cup with both hands and sipped as best she could. Finally, the spasms began to slow. She took several long, slow breaths, not daring to look at Shigure lest she once again fall into laughter.

"Mikage-san? Are you all right now?" Tohru asked worriedly, glancing at Shigure, who was still standing on top of his clothes.

"Ah…hai, hai. I'm sorry for alarming both of you. I guess that was unexpected, wasn't it?"

"You could say that." Shigure pouted. "It's not exactly a funny thing for those of us living it." Tohru looked away at his words, and Tamae turned at stared at him, sternly damping down the urge to giggle.

"Well, I must say, I didn't expect you to be so…well, cuddly."

"Cuddly!" Even in his dog form, Shigure looked so affronted that she couldn't help it; she began giggling. Tohru joined her.

"Hai, hai, that's exactly what he is! Cuddly!" she chimed in. "Do you remember, Shigure-san? When Uo-chan and Hana-chan came over and you were all trying so hard not to change that you all changed and I had to call you Spot?"

"You didn't!" Tamae began laughing again. "Spot?" She looked over at Shigure, who seemed to be even more uncomfortable. "I would've gone with Blackie!" The two girls' laughter rang out.

"What _were_ you expecting?"

"Well, Ayame-san is the snake, isn't he? And Isuzu-chan is the horse. I think I expected you to be the rooster, or maybe the dragon." _But not the dog. I think I could live with you being possessed by the spirit of the dog._

"So sorry to disappoint." Shigure muttered. She turned and patted him lightly on the head.

"I didn't say I was disappointed. I mean, it'll take some getting used to, but it's not like you hugged me before now, is it? You were very careful about making sure I didn't turn you in my ignorance. Oh…" She remembered his sudden backing away when they had kissed—the act that had birthed her suspicions, and sent her down the path she'd been on. She looked at him with new eyes. "I'm very sorry. I've treated you horribly since then, and you were only trying to protect me from something I wasn't prepared to accept. I'm so sorry!"

Tohru stared at Tamae and then Shigure with curious eyes. If she didn't know better, she would have thought Shigure was rather shame-faced at Tamae's earnest apology. But the Shigure-san she knew had never been ashamed of anything he'd done. She must be mistaken.

"It's…all right, Tamae-chan. I—" there was another cloud of smoke, and Tohru 'eeped' and leaped across the table to cover Tamae's eyes. "—thank you, Tohru-kun. As I was saying, neither of us were really in a position to…explain ourselves, were we?" He hastily pulled on his discarded clothing and sat at the table. "You can uncover her eyes now, Tohru-kun."

"Hai!" She pulled her hand from Tamae's eyes. Tamae looked curiously at her.

"When we resume our human form, we're naked," Shigure explained. "Tohru-kun was preserving your…innocence, as it were."

"Ah…"

"I know that you understand what this means, Tamae. Those of us cursed with the spirits of the zodiac can never hold the person we love, unless that person is of the same gender. That's such a simple thing, but it holds monumental value to most people. Imagine being a mother, and never being able to hold your son. Imagine never being able to receive something as simple as a hug from the person you love, when you have no problem being as close as you want to anyone else. You can see why we try to protect ourselves as much as we can. It's a simple, but a very necessary, thing."

That sobered Tamae. She thought about it, realizing that she couldn't even provide Shigure with the comfort she had given Isuzu-chan. And she understood what Shigure wasn't telling her: he couldn't offer her the comfort she had received all her life from her family and friends without changing.

She knew Shigure was waiting for her to say something, but she couldn't think of anything to say. She stared at him, mute. Finally, Tohru stood up.

"Shigure-san, I have to go grocery shopping. I'll be back in an hour or so." She bowed to Tamae and left. Shigure waved goodbye, then turned back to her.

"I don't know what to say." Tamae said quietly. "You were right. It's far different being the friend of a Sohma than being…"

"In a relationship with a Sohma?"

"Hai."

"In my lifetime, there have only been two people who have been able to live with the reality of it. Tohru is one of them."

"And the other?"

"That is not my story to tell. Neither is Tohru's." Shigure replied. He was still watching her carefully. "Why did you laugh?"

"I don't know. I was so relieved, I guess. I wasn't thinking, 'is this it?'. I was more…relieved that this tension was over, that you were trusting me with this. I didn't really care what spirit you were cursed by, I mean, I already knew you were cursed, didn't I? You told me before."

"Did I?"

"You know you did. When you confronted me about Isuzu-chan, you told me. 'Do you want to know which spirit I am cursed by?' you asked me. I was so afraid of you then. You were…very intimidating."

"I was, wasn't I?" he sounded proud of it.

"Hai. Even now, you are. I can see why you kept pushing me away, though."

"Can you." It was a statement, not a question.

"You didn't want me getting too close. If I got close, I would ask questions you couldn't answer, especially when I couldn't remember. The past would only have repeated itself."

"Are you so sure of that?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"And now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think now? Knowing what you do, do you want to continue this?"

She considered him for a long time; he returned her gaze, not even fidgeting. "I don't know. I understand why Isuzu-chan was so afraid; I understand why those of you who are cursed would give up on the idea of any kind of relationship outside of the family."

"I…see." Shigure said, actually disappointed. He looked away from her. Impulsively, she reached over and took his hand.

"Please understand, Shigure-san. I really don't know what I'm thinking. I know I love you, and I know that whatever this is between us something I want to pursue. I just haven't sorted everything out yet. You haven't really offered me anything; you've given me an out that I can take with no regrets, and I appreciate it. But I don't want to take it. And at the same time, if I don't take it I might just be opening myself, and maybe you, to more pain." She took a deep breath. "I don't know how you feel about me. I know if I'm an itch you have to scratch or –"

"I don't have itches any more. Too old." He was staring at her. "You came here to tell me that?"

"Huh?"

"That you love me."

"Ah…" she blushed bright red. "Well, no, but I do, so I guess…"

"You told Tohru-kun, but you weren't going to tell me?" he teased. If it was possible, she blushed even more.

"I…" She stuttered into silence, looking at her hands wrapped around one of his. He could see the confusion and the indecision in her expression, and warmth flowed from his chest. She looked so cute, sitting there blushing and stammering, that he found himself leaning forward and kissing her. Just like that. And she responded exactly as she had before—shyly, then with a passion that surprised him. She didn't lean in (she really couldn't, with the corner of the table between them), but her hands tightened around his as the kiss continued. When they finally separated, Shigure realized he hadn't really wanted to stop. And that both surprised him and terrified him.

"Does that answer your question?" He asked her, watching her blink dazedly.

"What question?"

"Tamae, I've done things for you that I've never done for anyone else; believe me, I've had tons of requests from fans wanting an in into the literary world. I've practically stalked you because I couldn't leave you alone." Well, that was at least partially true. "If you had been just an itch, I would have pursued avenues far beyond kissing long before now. And I certainly wouldn't have taken all the abuse that I have—_deservedly_—in the last few months." She made as though to protest, and he placed a finger over her lips.

"Let me finish. You have every reason to suspect me. I am older, wiser—" She snorted. "Well, I am. I've seen what this curse can do to people who love us. I've been there to help mop up the mess afterwards. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone on someone I love. So you must understand that as new as this is to you, it's also new to me. I don't know how I feel about you. I can't leave you alone, but a the same time I want to push you away." She stared at him mulishly and he removed his finger from her lips. "I do like you. I care about you. I don't want to see you hurt, and that surprises me more than anything. So if I have to keep you away from me to keep you safe and unhurt, I will."

"Shigure," she said bluntly. "You're being uncharacteristically honest."

"I know. Don't expect it again. I'm telling you what to expect from me. There's more about the curse you have to know. It concerns Akito."

"God."

"Yes. We are all bound to him. You must understand, it's not something we can deny. Not even Kyo, who has every reason to deny it. If he orders, we must obey. His punishments are… perverse, and terrible."

"I know that."

"Yes, you do. I'm telling you what to expect. He is incredibly jealous. If he discovers this relationship, he will punish me for it; he might even use you to do it. His dream is to have all the cursed Sohmas in the Inner House—trapped there, so we can't leave him. Any outside influences are a threat to this dream. You were a threat to his possession of Rin; now you could be a threat to his possession of me. That is a very bad position for both of us to be in." She made to protest, and he once again silenced her.

"Do you understand? I don't want to see you hurt. I know that when Akito was punishing you, you were hurting more for Rin than you were for yourself. I don't want to see you hurt that way over me, especially if I can't do anything about it. Those of us who have had to bear that…it scars them. It scars them badly. For example, since your memories were erased Rin has withdrawn almost completely into the Inner House. If it weren't for Haru, I don't know what would have happened to her. She doesn't dare make another friend outside the Inner court for fear it could happen again. We don't take risks well, Tamae."

" I know that."

"Hai, I know. I have to make sure you understand that. If you pursue this, and for the most part it will be you, you have to understand that I can't simply belong to you. I belong to Akito first. He will always be first. It's a lot to live with, and most people wouldn't. If you can't, or you won't, then you should leave now. Leave, and don't come back. Close this chapter in your life and write another one."

"And if I decide to continue this one?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Tamae looked down at her hands, still holding his. She released it. "You've given me a lot to think about, Shigure. You're right; this isn't as simple as it would be with someone who isn't cursed. Right now, I don't know what I want. I want to be a part of your life. But I don't know if I want the whole reality of being that part. I don't know…" She looked at him. "I need some time."

"I understand."

"Did Honda-san…what did she do?"

"She simply accepted it; I don't know if it's because she has a generous spirit or she's just so simple-minded that it never occurred to her that it was wrong. She is the only person I've met like that."

"Oh." She stood up carefully; she'd been sitting a long time. "I guess I should leave then."

He rose as well. "Before you go, there's something I wanted to ask you."

"Hai?"

"May I kiss you again?"


	22. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Mikage Tamae is my own creation, although hindsight being 20/20, I would have given her a different family name.

* * *

**Chapter 21**

* * *

Tamae had known about the curse for both a very long and a very short time. She'd seen what it had done to her dearest friend and, consequently, to their friendship. How much of Shigure's personality had been warped by that same curse? How had his parents treated their changeling son? How had his cousins? She knew that Ayame-san and Hatori-san were his friends. Had they always been so? If that was the case, then Shigure might have had a better life than Isuzu-chan had.

_Such a lonely life_, she thought. _How could anyone bear it and not be warped?_ Her pen doodled across the paper in front of her as she stared at the landscape outside the library window where she'd parked herself, ostensibly to study.

She knew about loneliness. She knew about feeling out of place and unsure. But in comparison, her feelings were nothing like Shigure's and Isuzu-chan's. To never be close to half the people you meet… she couldn't imagine it. She really couldn't. The more she considered it, the more she realized how essential that sense of touch was. How fundamental an embrace could be. It was a gesture that embodied affection, security and intimacy. If one were of the common persuasion, it would be torture not to hug the people one loved.

_Then again, could one miss what one has never had?_ She shook her head. _Scratch that. _The cursed Sohmas _could_ have that—but only with other cursed Sohmas. She didn't know the male/female ratio there, but she doubted it was equal. Even if it was equal, the odds against six pairs of happy cursed Sohmas were astronomical.

And what were the odds of her being happy with someone who couldn't even embrace her? That was the question that always hung in the back of her mind, even as she tried vainly to concentrate on her notes. Shigure's mercurial and ruthless personality aside, could she be with a man with whom she couldn't even share the close intimacy of a hug?

Could she be happy with a man whose first loyalty was, forever and always, to someone else? She shivered, remembering Akito's cold voice and manic eyes. _You tried to take away my uma. Baka onna._

If she met him again would he say to her, "You tried to take away my inu."?

She sighed. Her pen doodled on the paper. Lost in thought, the minutes ticked by without her noticing the growing lateness of the hour.

"Ano…Mikage-san?"

Tamae jumped, her pen skittering across the paper and over the table, leaving a faint trail of black ink on the wood. She blinked up at Honda Tohru, who was standing beside the table holding a small bag.

"Honda-san! Konnichiwa! What brings you here?" _How did you find me?_

"Ah…Shigure-san said that you often came here to study, and that you might have some questions to ask me. I'm sorry for interrupting your studies!" She bowed. "You looked like you were concentrating very hard!"

"Not really," Tamae laughed quietly. "At least, I wasn't concentrating on my studies. And I do want to talk to you." _Damn that Shigure! _She thought. _What's this? Didn't he say that if I wanted to continue this, it would have to be through my own actions? What is he up to?_ "Please, have a seat!" She watched the younger girl as she sat quickly, eyes roaming about the quiet library.

"I don't want to interrupt your studies…" she protested quietly as Tamae began to organize her scattered papers. "I was never very good at studying, so I have a lot of admiration for people who can study!"

"Studying isn't everything. I'm sure there are other things you can do that are more valuable to your family and your friends."

"It's so kind of you to say that!" Tohru smiled sweetly. Tamae could see what Shigure meant by her generosity of spirit. The girl fairly radiated goodwill and humility.

"I'm sorry, but I guess I'll get right to it. What did Shigure mean when he told me that your story wasn't his to tell? I know there's a lot that he's not telling me. He said once that you lived there with Yuki and Kyo—his cousins?" Tohru nodded gravely. "Did anything happen to them? And why did Akito allow you to live with them?" Tohru's eyes widened as Tamae asked one question after another and she stopped. The other girl looked down at her hands for a few minutes, then faced her soberly.

"I don't know why Akito allowed me to stay with them. I think Shigure wanted someone to cook and clean for him—he used to eat a lot of takeout back then, and he was so busy with writing that he didn't clean much. Yuki-kun had so much responsibility at school that he didn't clean much either. And Kyo-kun…" her voice wavered and trailed off. She took a deep breath. "Kyo-kun, back then, didn't want to live with either of them. But the longer we all lived together, the more I saw Yuki-kun and Kyo-kun becoming friends. At least, they weren't fighting so much. There were times when all Kyo-kun did was fix the doors…

"Kyo-kun had made a deal with Akito-san, you see," she was speaking very quickly and quietly now, as if she were frightened of retribution for what she was imparting, "that if he could defeat Yuki-kun in a fight before he graduated high school, he could have the life he wanted. And if he didn't…Akito-san would treat him like the previous cat and lock him up in the Cat's Room."

"There's no cat in the zodiac." Tamae pointed out.

"That's only because the Rat tricked him! Yuki-kun is possessed by the spirit of the Rat and Kyo-kun is possessed by the spirit of the Cat and that's why they hated each other so much. They fought so much…but towards the end, I think they were both tired of fighting. And when they graduated from high school, Yuki-kun refused to fight Kyo-kun. He wanted a life without fighting, and so Kyo-kun lost his bet with Akito-san and was locked up and Yuki-kun went back to the Honke and stayed there because he felt so guilty that he couldn't free him. That was…three years ago and I haven't seen either of them since—" Tohru broke off, crying quietly.

"This Kyo-kun…you love him very much." Tamae said quietly. Tohru nodded helplessly, hands pressed against her lips to muffle her sobs. "I'm so sorry, Honda-san. I truly am. I didn't want to make you hurt."

After a few minutes, the girl's tears slowed and she took several deep, hitching breaths. "I can sneak notes to him through Shigure-san, but he never writes replies. When he left, he told me that I have many friends that care about me, and he didn't want me to be lonely. He said that I should find my own happiness. And then he…just left. I remember I couldn't say anything. I just stood there. It's true that I have Uo-chan and Hana-chan and Shigure-san and so many others…but I still feel lonely. I miss him very much."

"Do you still talk to Yuki-san?"

Tohru shook her head. "Yuki-kun is special to Akito-san. No one can talk to Yuki-kun now without Akito-san's permission, not even Hatori-san. I miss both of them very much."

"Hai, Shigure took me to Yuki's garden…" Tamae said quietly. "He said that you tried to take care of it, but that you had many other things to do as well."

Tohru nodded. "It was important to Yuki-kun."

"Honda-san, would you tell me… is it worth it? Knowing them, bearing their burden, being close to them? I don't know…" Tamae shrugged helplessly. "I'm not asking the question very well."

"If it hadn't been for Shigure-san's kindness, I wouldn't have had a place to live when I was in school, and I wouldn't have met Yuki-kun or Kyo-kun or any of the others... there are so many things I wouldn't have experienced if I hadn't known them. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't known them."

_No regrets. I'm happy I've had Isuzu-chan for my friend._

Tamae smiled. "I understand. Arigatou, Honda-san."

"B-but I didn't do anything. You are far too busy to have to listen to my problems and—"

"Ie, Honda-san. You reminded me of something I'd forgotten." Tamae rocked her chair back slightly and looked up at the ceiling. "No regrets. Stand on your own two feet and make your decisions for yourself and no one else. Don't ask for answers from other people—find them on your own." She settled the chair on the floor and smiled at Tohru. "Arigatou. You reminded me that I already know how to stand."

"Eh? But Mikage-san, how can you learn to stand if you don't also learn to fall?" Tohru asked wonderingly. "Mother said that the hardest part of learning to stand and walk is falling. She said the hardest part of learning how to fall is the part where you get back up to stand again. She said it takes a lot of courage to be able to get back up and keep going after you've fallen."

"Honda-san," Tamae replied, laughing a little, "I think your mother was a very wise woman."


	23. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. Mikage Tamae, however, is my own creation—though in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

* * *

**Chapter 22

* * *

**

Shigure felt like hours were days and days, months, while he waited for Tamae's reply. It was a calculated risk; if she decided she wouldn't continue their association, he would at least be relieved of the burden of being Akito's tool for revenge. If she decided to continue it, and the idea both excited and frightened him, he would at least be able to see her again—until Akito decided to bring this whole affair to a close. He didn't know which he wanted more: to explore whatever relationship was developing between him and Rin's old friend, or to never see her again and never know what would happen. There were times when ignorance could be bliss. Late at night, when he should be working on his next novel, he often found himself wishing desperately for ignorance.

In many ways, she was the same girl he'd first met almost four years ago. Had it been so long? She had the same reckless, frantically controlled spirit. Her mind was keen, just as it had been before. Her loyalty was the same.

What would she be like if she allowed herself to love him fully?

She still didn't trust him. He knew that revealing the physical reality of his curse had been a gamble, but the outcome had been somewhat predictable. He had been so tired of playing the role of the charming villain. He had felt like a rope in a game of tug-of-war, with Akito pulling on one end and Tamae, though she didn't realize it, the other. He'd had to lay everything on the table. Yet even he doubted if she truly understood the ramifications of a relationship with him.

How could she possibly understand that if he were placed in a position forcing him to decide between her and Akito, the sheer weight of the curse would cause him to choose Akito? What was more, how could he expect her to understand?

He'd done all he could. He'd even asked Tohru to seek her out and help her decide. Tohru hadn't mentioned their conversation, but she had answered that she had found Tamae.

A knock on the door had his heart thumping. He leaped to his feet, forcing his legs to walk to it at a leisurely pace instead of the run they wanted to do. He opened the door to Tamae's tense, nervous face. And his heart thumped again.

"Tamae-chan! What brings you here this fine day?"

"It's raining." She said obviously, pointing at the water that dripped from the eaves.

"That doesn't mean it's not a fine day! Come in! I'm afraid Tohru-kun isn't here today."

"I didn't come here looking for Honda-san." She replied, following him. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Hai?"

"Did Hatori ever give you that file I gave to him?"

"The file? Ah…hai. A lovely story, that. An enduring and heartwarming, if bittersweet, tale of friendship, wasn't it?"

"Was it? I'm not so sure any more."

"Well, for you at the time, it was. You were such a romantic, Tamae-chan! You still are." He smiled easily. "Although I have, in my small way, tried to temper that tendency in you."

"Oh, really." Her voice was facetious. "And here I thought you were encouraging such idealistic notions." Her banter made him smile. "Do you think I might take a look at it?"

"Ah… I lost it."

"What?"

"Well, I do have many books here, so much reading! I misplaced it. I really don't know where it is." He said honestly. She looked disappointed. "Is it important to you?"

"I guess not. I just wanted to remind myself…" her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "Honda-san found me at the library—she said you'd told her to find me." He shrugged at her mildly accusing glance. "She told me her story."

"I see." He did. Tohru's story did not have a happy ending.

"Do you really give Honda-san's Kyo-kun the letters?" Tamae asked. "That seems a bit out of character for you."

"I like to think there are many aspects of my character you have yet to realize, my dear Tamae-chan." He said, completely relaxed. "And for the record, yes I do. Tohru-kun is a sweet girl and Kyo's important to her."

"Hmmm."

"You were talking about your conversation with her?" Shigure prompted when Tamae lapsed into contemplative silence.

"No regrets."

"Eh?"

"No regrets. That's what I forgot. All this mess with you, and with Isuzu-chan, I forgot." Tamae looked into Shigure's eyes, her expression lit with determination. "I came to give you my answer, Shigure."

"I see." Why wouldn't his heart stop thumping?

"You know that I love you. I could run right now, not look back, and always wonder 'what if'. I hate not knowing. I don't want to run." Her hands were balled into fists and she consciously opened them, inspecting the half-moon marks her nails had bitten into her palms. "You said that if we continue this-whatever this is between us-that it would be my decision. And I don't want to look back and wonder. I want to look back and know that whatever happened, I did my best. No regrets." She looked back at him, daring him to push her away. "Is that sufficient?"

He was alternately elated and afraid. Elated because he, too, wanted to explore whatever made him react the way he did to her; afraid because he knew, with every cell in his body, that she would be hurt and he might lose her—and if he did, he would have no one to blame but himself. He took her hand, turning it to see the wounds her nails had left, and kissed her palm.

"What would you have me say? You know the risks." He said nonchalantly, even as he kissed her palm again. No, she hadn't changed at all. She was the same person she'd been all those years ago. She was still reckless. He smiled, a big true smile, and laughed with delight.


	24. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. The character Mikage Tamae is my own, although in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

* * *

**Chapter 23

* * *

**

The next months that followed were, if not bliss, at least interesting to both Shigure and Tamae. Shigure continued to walk along his razor-wire balance between Tamae and Akito, while Tamae alternately cursed and adored the duality he incessantly displayed. Life with him was never dull, but she never felt completely at ease, either. As she grew closer to the enigmatic man, she began to realize that she would never fully know him; there were secrets he would forever hide from her.

Secrets like the 'coincidence' of their meeting the second time.

She had her suspicions. Isuzu-chan had said that once someone who had been involved with the Sohmas had their memories erased, for prudence's sake they were avoided as much as possible. So why would Shigure go out of his way to find her? While he claimed it was because he'd wanted to see what had happened to her afterwards, if her fears from before had indeed come true, each time he said it the words sounded shallow and simple—too simple.

Shigure always had an ulterior motive, even if that motive was simply self-gratification; he was also not the type of man to admit to any kind of self-gratification besides the obvious that threw so many people off his scent. So admitting to her his own motive of self-gratification led Tamae to think, after a while, that such was not the case. In time, the thought that there was some plot against her, through Shigure, worried at her so much that she became quieter and quieter around him. Shigure had noticed, but chalked it up to exams; they were approaching in a matter of weeks, and Tamae had always withdrawn a bit before them.

Thus, he was a bit taken aback (though he didn't show it), when Tamae bluntly asked him one day: "What will you do when Akito-sama finds out about me?"

"Nani?"

"Akito-sama. He doesn't know about me, does he? He doesn't know that I've resurrected my memories. What will you do when he finds out?"

"Ah…" In truth, he already knew the answer. He would have to throw her to the wolves, so to speak. Akito's word was law.

"I see." Tamae's voice was quiet. "You would have no choice, ne? You would have to give me up to him."

"Hai." _But you knew this! _Shigure thought incredulously. "We discussed this before."

"We did…" Tamae drifted off. "But I don't like hiding, Shigure-san. I thought I would be okay with it, and for the most part I am, but I don't like hiding from the Sohmas. I don't like hiding such a significant part of my life. I can't even tell my parents for fear word would somehow reach Akito-sama." She wasn't complaining, she really wasn't. She couldn't find the words to describe this disquiet that was growing inside of her.

"Hm." Shigure arched an eyebrow at her. "Perhaps we should end this affair, then?"

"So easily?"

_I don't want to think about this. If this is the way it's going to be, better to end it now than suffer the consequences._ Shigure thought of Hatori, and Kana, and Tohru-kun and Kyo. He didn't want to hurt like that. If that was where Tamae was leading this, he'd rather get it over with. He looked at her coldly.

She glared back at him. _How can I accuse him again?_ "I don't want to end this. Why are you so eager to cast me off?"

He shrugged. "What is this all about? You knew the risks. Why are you asking these things now?"

Tamae looked at him. _Bluntness is best_. "I just don't believe everything's all right."

"What do you mean by that?" _Don't go digging again! Everything is going so well…_ Shigure's blood began to chill at the directness of Tamae's eyes.

"I don't think your interest in me is the only reason you sought me out again. Oh, I know I should just accept that as you say it and not borrow trouble, but dealing with you Sohmas has taught me that if it's there, there's another reason entirely. Did Akito-sama tell you to find me?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm the least likely to do whatever he tells me to." Shigure managed to sound aggrieved.

"Yet you said before that if you were ordered to, you would give me up to him."

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"I…just don't like feeling like someone's dirty little secret. I—" His kiss silenced her recriminations. When they parted he smiled at her, a little sadly.

"You are not a dirty little secret. But you _are_ my secret. I'd like to keep you for as long as I can."

His eyes were so close, so very dark and intent on hers that she felt overwhelmed by him. She blushed and looked away, but didn't pursue it any further.

"So your little foundling is beginning to chafe at the bit?" Akito laughed with delight at Shigure's report. "Well done, Shigure!"

"How long must I continue this?" Shigure asked coldly.

"For as long as I want you too!" the smaller man snapped. "Until you become bored with her. Until her loves weighs you down like wet cement, until you feel like you can't breathe from the weight of it." He advanced on Shigure as he spoke. "Until you hate her, Shigure. I want you to _despise _her." He wrapped his thin arms around Shigure's shoulders, leaning in to hiss into the inu's ear.

"_I want you to continue until you beg to return to me._"


	25. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket; Natsuki Takaya does. The character Mikage Tamae, however, is my own creation although in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

* * *

**Chapter 24

* * *

**

"Mikage-san, it's good to see you again."

Tamae bowed to the smiling man. "Thank you, Nakagawa-sensei. I'm happy that you've been so pleased with my progress."

The older man was smiling; he was obviously excited. "I have some exciting news for you, Mikage-san. You have received your results from your Master's exams?"

"Hai, sensei." Despite her tumultuous personal life, she had received near-top scores. She had been afraid they would be far lower.

"You received the top scores in your field of study and caught the attention of some very prestigious universities overseas."

"I have?"

"Hai. I'm pleased to tell you that Oxford University in Great Britain has invited you to study with them, if you so desire. A high honor, if I may say so. Also, several universities in the U.S. have extended invitations."

"I'm…overwhelmed, sensei." Tamae blinked back shock.

"I understand that you had some very…difficult personal issues during your time here, and I can't tell you how pleased I am that you have overcome them."

Tamae bit back a laugh. _Personal issues? I'm still having them!_ "Arigatou, sensei. I'm glad to be able to put them behind me."

"These universities are looking forward to your replies." The counselor coughed discreetly. "Their doctorate programs will begin in three months."

"I understand. I will have to take a little time to consider my options, sensei." She bowed again.

"Not too much time, Mikage-san. Congratulations!"

"Arigatou, sensei." Even as she bowed and said her goodbyes, her mind was spinning. Doctorate studies! She hadn't even considered them. Her relationship with Shigure had…chilled…lately. He'd been distant and almost callous, often breaking dates with her and almost ignoring her when she went to see him. She wasn't sure how she would tell him this news, or how he would react to them. Would he push her out the door, with no more than a 'good luck and goodbye'? But first, she had to tell her parents. They would be so pleased!

If only she were as sure of Shigure's reaction.

* * *

"Mika-chan! I'm very happy to see you again!" Tohru greeted her warmly.

"Ohayo, Tohru-kun!" Tamae had taken to calling her by Shigure's tongue-in-cheek familiarity. "How is everything?"

"Very good! And how is Mika-chan?" Tamae smiled and they continued to exchange pleasantries. The two had become good friends since they had talked in the library.

"Is Shigure here? I have some news," Tamae said vaguely, glancing about her.

"Oh, he had to go to the Honke with Hatori-san, but I think he will be back soon."

"I see…" Tamae saddened. "Is it all right if I wait here?"

"Of course!" the smaller girl smiled. "I'll just make some tea!"

"That's all right, Tohru-kun. I'll just wait in his study. Catch up on my reading." Tamae smiled. "I don't want to interrupt you work too much." She wandered into the small room, looking with disgust at the mess he'd made of his desk. No, she wouldn't touch that. Wouldn't want to cause an avalanche. As she glanced around, her gaze fell on some familiar-looking books on one of the top shelves. She wandered to it, wondering, until she realized that it was the box she had made so very long ago to hide the scroll Isuzu-chan had entrusted her with.

Wondering, she pulled it down from the shelf and opened it. The scroll was still there, wrapped in its fabric. Beside it, though, was a thick roll of thoroughly modern paper. She pulled it out and began to read it.

"You're back, Shigure-san, Hatori-san!" Tohru greeted the two men, smiling. "I didn't expect you back so soon!"

"Ah, Tohru-kun, you're just what I needed after that cold visit, a pretty flower to light up my gloom!" Shigure replied, smiling mischievously. Hatori looked pained.

"Hatori-san, would you like some tea?"

"Hai, Tohru-kun. Arigatou." He smiled at the younger woman. Tohru turned to the kitchen, then turned back.

"Oh! Shigure-san, you have a guest!" she looked a little nervously at Hatori. "She's in the study."

"In the study? Who…" Shigure wondered, then perked. "Ah, my other flower! Aren't you jealous, Ha-san? I have two beautiful flowers to serve me!"

"Serve you? Who?" Hatori raised an eyebrow at his cousin, but Shigure only waved a hand at him as he made his way to his study.

"Please keep Tohru-kun company, Ha-san!" Shigure winked at the doctor before he turned away completely, his features settling into the bored mask he'd adopted since that last interview with Akito. If he pushed her enough, would he be able to break her heart before what Akito desired came to pass? Even speaking to her on the phone, he could sense how each of his rejections had pained her, causing her confidence to crumble that much more. He couldn't look at her when she came to visit for that very reason: he didn't want to see what it was doing to her. He didn't want to see her face, because he knew that if he did, he would also hurt. He paused for a moment before he slid open the door.

She was sitting on the floor, that old book-box beside her. In her hands, she had a thick sheaf of paper; from the look of it, she'd almost finished reading its contents. Her face wore an expression of pity. With one hand, she brushed at her eye, and turned another page.

"Tamae! This is a surprise." He slid the door closed behind him, his voice sounding bored. She jerked and looked at him.

"Shigure. I thought you said you lost it." She wasn't accusing him. If anything, she sounded sad.

"I said I'd misplaced it. I simply didn't tell you I'd found it again." He looked at the papers she held. "Did you enjoy your little trip down memory lane?"

"Not as much as I thought I would." She straightened slowly. She carefully rolled the papers back into shape and placed them in the box, then replaced it on its shelf. Her hands trailed across it for a second. "It's such a shabby thing, isn't it?"

Shigure didn't answer. From the moment he'd seen her face, his heart had been pounding in his chest. She looked…thinner. Yes. She'd been under so much stress from her exams, and he hadn't helped her burden with the distance he'd deliberately placed between them. She sighed and looked at him again.

"You really were a villain back then."

"Was I?"

"Hai. And you wouldn't stop touching me. Very odd." She placed her hand on her left cheek and smiled. "Of course, I wouldn't ever have admitted to liking it."

"Did you? You were a prickly one."

"Hmmm." She let him slide a hand down her hair, not looking at him.

"We should go back outside," Shigure said quietly. He couldn't touch her and not want. "Ha-san is here."

"I see." She pulled away from him and he led her from the room.

"Mikage-san." Hatori said by way of greeting. His expression was severe. "I hadn't realized you were still associating with this jellyfish."

"Oh, he has his good points," she replied, settling herself. "He helped me get my first novel published, after all."

"Did he?" Hatori raised an eyebrow at the inu, who was innocently sipping the tea Tohru had thoughtfully placed before him. "That's unlike him."

"So he told me. I guess I won him over with my charm," she smiled. Hatori would never know how nervous he made her. "As it is, I received my test scores and wanted to tell him."

"Oh?"

"Hai. He may no longer be my mentor, but I consider him a friend. I scored top in my field of study." She sensed Shigure's smile as Tohru exclaimed. Hatori's lips curved slightly.

"Congratulations."

"Arigatou. My parents are very pleased."

"As they should be!" Shigure's voice was also proud. "To think of how you were so long ago…and now, here you are, possessor of a master's degree and a published novelist!" He placed a hand on his heart. "I can be glad that you are grateful to me, who guided you through so much."

"Hm. Yes, I am grateful to you, Shigure-san." Tamae switched to her former address of him. This deception had become almost second nature to her. That sometimes alarmed her. "But then, how could I ignore you when you wouldn't leave me alone? Rather like an annoying insect you were, constantly buzzing about." She mimicked him. "'Tamae, what classes are you taking? Oh, this is too much! Tamae, have I shown you my latest draft?'" To her relief, Hatori chuckled.

"That sounds like him."

"I have…other news, too." She didn't look at Shigure. "I have been offered opportunities for doctorate studies at several universities overseas. I've been given the impression that they are all eager to have me."

Silence. Tamae stared at her hands, wrapped around her teacup for dear life. She didn't look at him. Tohru let out a startled gasp, her eyes darting towards Hatori and then to Shigure, who sat very still, his face blank. Hatori considered the tableau, looking from the young woman who sat with her hands so tense the bones were showing, to Tohru's distressed expression, to Shigure's lack of reaction-when he should have been the first to congratulate her.

"You should take it." Hatori sipped his tea, filling that awful gap. "It would be a good opportunity for you. Get you out of here, experience another part of the world."

"But—" Tohru gasped, only to be silenced by Hatori's quick head-shake. "That's a wonderful chance for you, Mika-chan!" Even as she said it, her eyes glanced at the other man, who was sipping his tea with his characteristic nonchalance. He said nothing.

"I haven't decided yet…" Tamae said quietly. "I never considered doctorate studies. I haven't really considered anything about what I wanted after graduating." She laughed, a bit embarrassed. "I just liked going to school, I suppose. But it is a wonderful opportunity for me, and a high compliment."

Shigure considered her over the rim of his teacup. When she'd laid that bombshell, he'd felt like his heart had iced over. And she hadn't looked at him at all. Not once, this whole time, had she even glanced his way. Was she afraid? Was she excited? Did she want to go?

_Don't leave me_, that tiny voice, the one he had so steadfastly ignored, began to grow louder and louder. He deliberately relaxed, closing his eyes and pretending to savor his now-tasteless tea, willing that voice into the back of his mind. _Look at me! What are you thinking? What do you want? Look at me! _He stared at her so intensely out of that relaxed, carefree expression that, sensing it, her shoulders hunched slightly. Yet she still refused to look at him. She addressed Hatori and Tohru, conversing with them pleasantly until the two took their leave, Hatori offering Tohru a ride home. When they left, Hatori looked significantly at Shigure. 'Don't do anything stupid,' the look said.

Shigure sighed when he heard the door close behind them. "What are you going to do?" he asked her.

"I said I haven't decided yet. I think…there's something else I have to do before I can decide."

"Oh?"

"Hai." For the first time since they'd joined the other two after exiting the study, she looked at him. Her eyes were sad, and weary, and scared. "I guess you never meant for me to find that box again. Why didn't you throw it out?"

"Sentimental value, I suppose. Besides, it is rather clever. Did you finish reading those papers?"

Tamae laughed. "My bad habit. I always have to read the ending before I get to the end."

Shigure's heart began to pound.

"What a sad little person I was," she continued. "I was so lonely before that. Did you know? I just didn't really get along with people. I kind of blended in so well that no one noticed me. Even when test scores were released in high school, people would say 'Mikage? Who's that?'. And then there was Isuzu-chan, who everybody noticed but who seemed to not want to be noticed at all." She smiled, a trifle self-deprecatingly.

"I wanted to be her friend because I wondered why anyone who looked and held herself the way she did would want to be like that. I don't know. Maybe it was for me, too. Maybe if I became friends with her, people would also notice me." She shrugged. "Either way, that's not what happened. But who was that girl? The one who wanted to throw herself to the wolves so easily?" she asked quietly, wondering. Then she looked at him again.

"You were right, did you realize? When you told me that I chose to have my memories blocked. You were so right, and I didn't want to admit it. I hated you for saying that. I hated everything about the Sohmas right then. Even as much as I loved you and Isuzu-chan, I hated me for putting myself in that position. And I hated you for making me face it. And I hated Isuzu-chan for being the way that she was, and—" she broke off, moving her hand in a short, cutting motion.

"I know," he said.

"And then, you started pulling away. I figured that was that, you know? You've given up. It's over. It's not me who can't take it, it's you. But that's not true, either. Shigure," she looked directly at him, "before I decide, there's something I need to know and if you're not going to tell me—"

The pounding in his heart threatened to drown out her voice. _Don't leave me, don't! Don't say it! Not again! _

"—I'm going to have to get the answer from someone else."

"What are you saying?" his voice came out cool. Tamae didn't flinch, but her eyes darkened to the color of smoke.

"I have to see Akito-sama."


	26. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket; Natsuki Takaya does. The character Mikage Tamae, however, is my own creation—although in hindsight I would have given her a different family name.

* * *

** Chapter 25

* * *

**

Tamae was shaking. Hatori glanced at her as he escorted her through the corridors of the Honke. Her face was composed; only the trembling in her shoulders betrayed her nervousness.

Shigure hadn't come with them.

He understood that. He understood the fear that had kept the inu sequestered in his own house for the past few days, after he had called Hatori to relay Tamae's request. He didn't fault Shigure's reluctance.

"We're here."

"Hai." Tamae stood silently as Hatori slid open the door, revealing the darkened room behind it. They entered it, kneeling on the cushions provided for this meeting. As Tamae's eyes adjusted to the semi-gloom, she made out the still figure that stood beside the lone window. It was not the same room as before.

"Mikage Tamae." Akito's voice was pleasant. She fisted her hands in her lap to keep them from trembling.

"Hai."

"This is…most unusual."

"Hai."

"I don't normally allow this kind of meeting."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

Tamae was silent. Akito smiled.

"You haven't changed that much. I had thought you'd be a wreck by now."

"Akito—" Hatori's voice was cautious.

"Hatori, didn't you erase this girl's memories before?"

"Yes," he replied.

"And yet, here she is once again. No one has ever overcome your hypnosis before, have they?"

Almost. Tamae barely managed to stifle her gasp. Did he know? Of course he didn't. He couldn't, could he?

_He has a way of ferreting out what people know. You didn't consider that he might not know. _ Shigure's words from that long-ago confrontation rose up in her mind. It was true. He might not know. She had to be careful. She didn't want her memories erased again.

"Hypnosis?" she tried to sound wondering.

"Yes, my dear Mikage-san. Hatori here knew you before you met Shigure."

"He…did?" she let confusion color her tone. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't. Hatori here did a very bad thing. You see, he erased your memories of us. All of us. And do you know why you're here right now?"

"I asked for this meeting."

"Yes, you did. Because you're wondering why someone like Shigure would be interested in someone like you." At Tamae's silence, he chuckled. "I'll give you a hint. It's not the first time you've met him, either." He smiled at her sudden intake of breath.

"Akito—" Hatori's voice held warning this time.

"You see, the last time you were here, you were quite rude. Quite rude. You knew things about us you shouldn't have, yet you dared to insult me. So I had your memories erased. You won't make that mistake this time, will you?"

"No, Akito-s…san." _Let him take that stutter for fear, onegai!_

"Of course not. But I can't allow your relationship with Shigure to continue, you realize. He's mine, after all. Besides," and Akito laughed this time, "I'm the reason why you met him in the first place."

"What?"

"'What', she says. Like I said, you knew too much before. We had to figure out why you knew so much. I told Shigure to find you again, to foster a relationship with you. All in order to find out where you learned what you did." He laughed louder at the shocked expression on Tamae's face. "Everything was because of me: the mentoring position, your book being published, your relationship with him. It was all because _I told him to do it_."

"Tha-that's not—"

"That's not true, she says. Did you hear her, Hatori? Even now, she's so rude!"

"I—" Tamae's mind was reeling. She had suspected. Of course she had! But all of it? _No, no! Not all of it!_ Otherwise, he wouldn't have shown her his curse. He wouldn't have trusted her with it. She had to believe that. She had to believe that he cared for her. Otherwise…

"I understand that you've been offered some very prestigious scholarships, Tamae-chan." She looked at him with sudden suspicion. "Oh, no, that had nothing to do with us. But take my advice, little girl." And he suddenly got up and knelt before her.

"Go far, far away from here. And never come back." She barely heard his whisper through the cacophony of her own thoughts.

"Akito, stop this!" Hatori's voice was cold.

"Why?" Tamae whispered. "Why tell me all this?" Her eyes were filling with tears; she couldn't stop them or the now-visible trembling of her body.

"Because he's mine, Tamae-chan. And now you both know it. Hatori!" he faced the dragon. "Take this away from me at once! This meeting is over."

Dimly, she registered Hatori's presence beside her. His hands were on her shoulders; she shook them off, glaring at him.

"I got here on my own," she whispered fiercely, "I'll leave that way!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and Hatori had the grace to look miserable at this turn of events. He stood by as she got to her feet and squared her shoulders; there was no trembling now. The two of them left the room in silence.

Once they were out of earshot, she sighed. "At least he didn't tell you to erase my memories again, Hatori-san. I know you didn't want to before."

"Hai," he replied, feeling useless. "Did you get what you came for?"

Tamae nodded. "I got my answer."

"Wait—before?" Hatori stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the smaller woman next to him. She smiled at him, her eyes smug. "How did you--?"

"I don't know," she replied. "I only know that I really didn't want to forget. I thought I was going mad. There was this voice inside my head that kept mocking me, and this…wall…that would slam down every time I asked the question: Did what happened to me have anything to do with the Sohmas?" She looked up at the sky for a moment. "One day, I just began to remember." _Two days after he kissed me_.

He looked at her again. This was not an exceptional person. She was just stubborn. He chuckled quietly.

"Hatori-san," she said quietly, "I'd like to ask a favor of you."

"Hm?" The two began walking again.

"May I have Isuzu-chan's address?"


	27. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of _Fruits Basket_. Natsuki Takaya and her publishers do. Mikage Tamae and her family, however, are entirely my own creation.

**Chapter 26**

The envelope was plain white paper. It felt light in her hands, almost weightless. The colored inks of the international stamps were lurid against the paper. Still, her hand shook slightly as she stared in shocked recognition at the small, perfect characters that made up the address. How… ?

She wanted to open it and she didn't. How she wished Haru was there with her, his calm presence so grounding and strong; he gave her courage when she felt at her most cowardly. But he was gone for the moment and she had only her own fears keeping her from tearing open that weightless white envelope and reading its contents. Her hand shook more.

Finally, irritated at her own misgivings, she ripped the envelope open almost viciously -take that stupid envelope!- and hurriedly unfolded the single sheet of paper it had contained.

_Isuzu,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Has your happiness come to you? I am still searching. I thought I had found it but I think I have left a part of it behind. As you saw from the postmark, I am living in Great Britain. London is a wonderful place. I have made many friends during my doctorate studies. None of them, however, can compare to the friendship I had with you or the happiness I found while we were in university together. _

_Truthfully, I have had your address for some time now—since before I went overseas. I was always afraid to contact you. I wanted you to be happy. I thought that if I contacted you it would resurrect old pain. I am sorry for my cowardice, both back then and now. I should have fought harder to keep our friendship instead of being so eager to throw it away. _

_Shigure wouldn't tell me anything about you, even after my memories resurrected. I only know that you and Hatsuharu-san have developed a deeper relationship. I hope that it is deeper still this many years later. Yes, Shigure and I knew each other after my memories were gone. I know that our second meeting was not to either of our own desires or coincidence but I admit that I am grateful for whatever happened to make us meet again. If not for him, I would not have been able to remember you. I would not have realized what a weak person I had been. I would have kept running away from the best friend I had ever had. _

_Please do not think I am still running. I have left to give Shigure, and to give myself, time. Please do not be angry with him. In many ways, I know that what happened between us was as much a surprise to him as it was to me. I know that, because of all he did before, you have viewed Shigure with suspicion. I do not believe he told Akito about what I knew. I believe that from the bottom of my heart. _

_Please forgive the cowardly me. I am working on becoming stronger. If not for you and he, I would have no reason to return to Japan. _

_With Love,_

_Mikage Tamae_

Isuzu, pacing while she read, abruptly sat down. She was still staring uncomprehending at the letter when Hatsuharu returned home. He sat beside her, carefully reading the letter over her shoulder. When he finished, he wrapped long, lean arms around her shaking body. Her head moved fractionally in his direction.

"All this time," she whispered, "And he never said a word. He hid her all this time…"

"His smiles have been harder to find lately," Haru mused. "He tries very hard."

"He deserves it!" she snarled, though without her usual ferocity. She looked down at the letter again. "She thinks she was the coward! Stupid, stupid Tamae! I just ran and hid when they found her—I didn't fight for her, either! I didn't beg or plead. I just gave up! How could she think she was the coward?"

Haru couldn't say anything to that. He simply tightened his arms about her shoulders as they hitched under her sudden tears.

"Can you believe she's asking for my forgiveness? Oh, Haru, I have my friend again and she's asking for my _forgiveness_?" she gasped out between sobs. "And Shigure! He's been _protecting_ her! I can't believe it. I really can't. I've wanted to hate him for so long because of her. Now I don't know how I feel!"

"Well, if your feelings change that quickly, I doubt anyone will believe it. They're bound to get suspicious."

She stopped crying abruptly. "Was that a joke? It had better have been a joke."

He smiled that enigmatic smile she both loved and hated, making her want to punch him. She sniffed. "I really don't think this is the appropriate time for jokes."

"Aren't you happy about the letter?"

"Of course I'm happy! I have my friend back! I just don't want to be grateful to that _dog_ for it."

"I suppose some habits are harder to break than others." Haru mused thoughtfully. This time, she really did punch him. Not that hard, though.

* * *

A few days later, she stood outside of Shigure's little house. Akito had invited, no _insisted_, that he return to the Honke but he stubbornly refused. Everyone had begun to wonder at his perversity; before, he had been nearly desperate to be allowed back. In the last year, however, Akito had been so alarmed by the changes within the zodiac—first, Kurino's rooster fading, then Momiji's rabbit, then Hiro's sheep, and so on—that his hold on the remaining animals had begun to feel less like a chain and more like a large, heavy anchor dragging them all down underwater. When Kyo's beast had relinquished its hold on him Akito had steadfastly denied it, refusing to believe that even the hateful cat had finally been released. Yuki had been the one to free him from his small dwelling, allowing him to rejoin Tohru once more.

She mused on these changes, wondering if Shigure had been freed, as well. She hadn't had reason to seek him out for some time. Now, she resolutely marched to the door, schooling her expression into one of cold disdain as she raised her hand to knock on the door. When there was no answer, she knocked again.

"Maa, maa, I'm coming!" Shigure called lazily. He slid open the door, a welcoming smile in place. She stared at him as though shed never seen him before, surprise wiping her carefully crafted expression like chalk off a blackboard.

He looked the same, and yet… he looked older, his irresponsible mask wearing at the edges, its paint peeling from lack of care. There were faint blue circles beneath his eyes. His skin, beneath its characteristic smoothness, seemed thinner. If it hadn't been so long since she'd seen him, she might not have noticed the small changes in him: the carefully constructed manner, the slight stooping to his shoulders. He looked like a man trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, to keep his head above water.

"Rin! It has been a very long time!" he said in surprise.

"It has," she agreed inanely. He moved aside to let her enter and she made the appropriate greetings, her thoughts whirling all the while. Had anyone else noticed how much Shigure had changed? Was the change gradual? Did Tamae have anything to do with it?

"Much as I'd like to think this is a social call, I somehow doubt that. Rin does nothing without purpose. What brings you here today?" he asked as he set out tea. She removed the letter from her bag before she took a cup, sipping carefully. When did he learn to make tea? She handed him the letter and bade him to read it.

As he did so, she studied him. His face flashed through expressions almost like a slide show on fast forward: joy, regret, sadness, hope, and sadness again before it settle back into its vaguely amused mask, like what he'd just read had been nothing but an entertaining diversion on a slow afternoon. She noticed he refolded it carefully before sliding it back to her, his fingers lingering slightly on the paper.

"Feeling sentimental?" she asked, trying to be biting but only sounding snide.

"Yes," he replied, still smiling. "She was a wonderful friend." His expression never changed as he said that.

"She says you're one of the reasons she would return to Japan."

"That's quite flattering." He sounded happy.

"She says I should forgive you."

"My dear Rin, you have nothing to forgive me for. I am, after all, only Akito's dog. I have done everything as he bade me to." Still, his voice was light. His smile remained steadfastly in place.

"Did you tell Akito that she knew about our curse?" Her eyes searched his.

"Whether I did or not seems irrelevant, now. She believes I did not. Do you believe her?"

"I want to. Why won't you tell me? Just give me a straight answer!" she banged her fist against the table in frustration. "Why must you be so perverse? Do you revel in other people's discomfort? My best friend tells me that if not for you, she would never have remembered me and that she believes you to be a better person than I think you are yet you _still_ engage in these stupid little games!"

He listened to her rant with no change in expression. When she was finished, he said quietly, "I did not."

"What?"

"I did not tell Akito about what Tamae knew. I could not put another person through what Tohru-kun had gone through. Akito guessed."

Just like that, her rage subsided. She looked at his now-serious expression, seeing the lines beginning to groove around his mouth and eyes. She sighed and sipped her tea.

"What happened between you?"

"Nothing. Everything. What does it matter? She's gone."

"She might come back!"

"It's been two years, Rin. She's seen places we've never been. I wouldn't take her away from any of that to come back to me. To _this._" And that small word, said so bitterly, told her everything. He was still cursed.

If she tried to comfort him now, it only serve to remind him that she never could.

Instead, she reached for his hand, his fingers still placed carefully on the table where she'd slid the letter from beneath them. Sympathy and pity for this man felt strange.

"Why won't you go back to the Honke?"

He looked at her with eyes that no longer laughed. "They'll tear down this house if I do. What if she came back to find nothing here?"

"She'd keep trying to find you. You know that. She lost all of her memories of me and yet she still remembers me. She must have been searching for those memories. She would search for you. I know she would!"

He smiled at her. "Such loyalty! Ah, the flower of friendship is glorious indeed!"

"Please, be serious!"

He looked at her again. "Thank you, Rin."

"For what? You're as infuriating as ever. You haven't changed one bit! Hot, to cold, to hot, to cold… you're so frustrating! Why do I even bother?"

"I'm glad she's well." This time, she thought his smile was genuine.


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

_Isuzu,_

_I was so happy when I received your letter I danced! My neighbors in the flat below mine were very upset. Perhaps I interrupted something very important. _

_I am very, very glad that you and Hatsuharu-san are finally together. To think you have been released! I can only imagine how relieved you must be. Do you also feel a little sad? Your letter sounded sad when you told me about how you've been freed of your curse. I can only assume Hatsuharu-san has also been freed, or you would probably sound angry. smiles Please tell Tohru-san that I am glad her heart has returned to her._

_To answer your question: yes. I do. I think I felt that way even when we were friends—I just didn't want to admit it to myself. When I come back, I'm going to have many things I have to take care of. Will you help me? I hope so. _

_With love,_

_Mikage Tamae_

Rin stared in sullen amazement at Tamae's letter. She had felt that way towards him even when they had been friends? Of course Tamae, being as naïve as she had back then, wouldn't have recognize that feeling for what it really was. Rin wondered if Shigure had played on that later. But seeing him now, she didn't have the heart to interrogate him about it. He was obviously suffering. Scowling, she stuffed the letter back into the pocket of her long overcoat and walked towards Hatori's small office.

A small crowd had gathered in front of the building. Rin stopped just short of it, curious but unwilling to throw herself into it. Some habits died hard. When one of the bystanders turned and saw her, she raised an eyebrow and jerked her chin towards the office in question.

"I am not sure, Rin-san," the woman replied. "I only know that Akito-sama is upset. He went in to see Hatori-san about a cold he is developing and suddenly began to scream and shout." There was a large crash inside the office. Rin immediately turned and shot around the building, trying for the back entrance. She still retained some of her former speed, enough that she nearly lost her footing as she turned the corner. When she managed to regain her balance, she stopped to regain her breath.

"I won't have it! I WON'T HAVE IT!!" Akito screamed dimly through the door. Hatori's reply was unintelligible, and the nurse's cries of "Sohma-sensei!" were shrill. Something big had happened.

"Where did it go? How could it have left me?" Akito's screams became wails, plaintive and pathetic. Rin carefully made her way to the door. Why hadn't the crowd gathered back here? She shook her head and tried the handle. The door opened easily.

She crept inside, only to find she was not the only one there. Yuki stood to one side, his expression aloof. He gazed at her until she broke eye contact, flushing. He did not stop her from continuing down the short hallway to the two examination rooms in Hatori's small clinic. One door was closed. The other was cracked just wide enough for her to see Hatori and Akito inside. Hatori was standing before Akito, his posture stiff. The smaller man had his shirt gripped in his bony fists, reed-thin arms exposed by the drooping sleeves of his yukata. Akito's face was distorted with panic and anger.

"How dare it! How dare it leave its master! Call it back! CALL IT BACK!" He screamed into Hatori's face. Hatori looked like his greatest wish and his worst nightmare were happening at once. Akito shook him but the man's feet never left him. Akito's rage-fueled strength was not enough to move him.

Instantly, Rin knew what had happened. She felt happy, and sad. Soon Akito, the man who had nearly killed her, the man who had been their curse and their reason for living, would be completely alone. The dragon had abandoned its God. She backed away from the door but did not leave. She stood near Yuki and listened to the god-figure's cries of denial until his voice was nothing more than a croak as he continued to rage.

When Hatori finally emerged, carrying a senseless Akito, both Rin and Yuki stood. The man who had been the dragon looked at them somberly before passing the slighter man to a waiting servant. When the two were gone, Hatori fell to his knees, head in his hands. His shoulders shook.

Rin and Yuki looked at each other, both unsure of what to do. A sound from behind them made her turn and she saw Shigure leaning casually against the wall. He looked meaningfully at Rin and at Hatori. Rin glared at him before turning again to the man before her. She knelt beside him reluctantly and put her hand on his arm.

"Hatori?" The man's shoulders shook even harder at her soft question. She knelt there for several minutes, unsure of what to do. She glanced at Yuki, but he wasn't looking at her or the emotional heap beside her. His face was turned towards Shigure. When she looked at the other man, his eyes were so dark with emotion they looked black. Her heart skipped in her chest. Was that fear? She shivered.

Shigure's face twisted into a caricature of his usual smile as he turned and left his best friend to be comforted by others who better knew the reason for his pain and newfound joy. Akito would need his comfort now, if only because he was the only jyuunishi left.


	29. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. They belong to Takaya Natsuki. Mikage Tamae is my own creation.

A/N: Finally! It's done. This ending has taken me YEARS to flesh out and while I'm still not entirely happy with it, I'm happy to have finished this story. Originally, I intended to write a whole 'Learning' series but unfortunately was never able to come up with more than these two story lines. To everyone who has followed 'LtoF', thank you for staying with me to the end (and especially for your patience!). For everyone who has enjoyed or will enjoy this little tale, thank you for spending some of your time with Tamae.

Chapter 28

The house was silent.

_So much time has passed_, Tamae thought. She stood at the edge of the cleared property, looking at the neat little home nestled among the trees. Four years. Three years. Three years of separation and wondering, of intense study in an effort to make the time go faster. Three years of no communication. Yet the house looked the same. She looked down at her shaking hands, remembering the last letter she had received from Rin. It had had only two lines, hastily written in her careless writing: _It's all over. You can come home now._

The sudden, sharp flash of hope had sent her hastening to purchase airline tickets and pack her bags. Did Rin mean what Tamae assumed from her cryptic message? She had felt time slow to a crawl as she waited impatiently for the chance to see her friend again and rejoice in her happiness. Even the long, boring flight was nothing but an inconvenience to her.

She hadn't told Rin she was coming. Instead, she had kept her return a secret—just in case she was wrong. Instead of dashing to the Souma estate, she had visited her parents. She had visited her university professors. She had visited everyone she could think of to visit, all in an attempt to forestall her inevitable return to this quiet little house. Now, having travelled over a whole continent, she found her knees quaking at the idea of walking across a few meters.

So she stood there, filling her eyes with the quiet scene. Did she dare hope that there would be some spark in it left for her? Firmly, she corralled her wayward fears and took that first quivering step, then another. Another.

Was time normally so flexible? Each step felt like an hour. Finally, she found herself at the door. With a shaking hand, she knocked on the edge of the frame.

No response.

Perhaps her knock hadn't been loud enough? Feeling the effort as great as lifting a boulder, she raised her hand and knocked again. Her shoulders hunched under her coat.

"Hai, hai." His voice sounded from deep within the house. "Who could it be? Ha-san coming to visit me in my loneliness?"

She almost ran away. Almost. The desire to flee was nearly as strong as the uncertainty that kept her feet rooted to the ground. She stood before that door, her face pale with dread, her body wilting inside her coat and shaking like a leaf.

"Perhaps it's my little flower and her Kyon-Kyon?" his voice drawled lazily as it traveled steadily closer. "Or maybe it's Yuki-kun and his charming Ma-chan? I do so love spring cleaning in fall!" She listened, stunned at the implications in his words.

"Is that you playing coy, Aya—" he slid open the door and stopped. His eyes widened. His genial expression slid from his face. That face was thinner, with some smile lines around his mouth now. Weariness weighed heavily on him. His hair was still that careless mop that looked as though he had simply run his hands through it after a night's sleep. She filled her eyes with his face, realizing a hunger that she had deliberately ignored for the last three years. And still she shook.

"Tamae." She closed her eyes. He had never shown such familiarity with her and yet it felt so appropriate, as though his voice should always be so close. She didn't see him reach his hand out. Her eyes startled open as his hand softly stroked down her face. His eyes were still wide, his expression inscrutable. Was he upset? Happy? Confused?

"Konnichiwa, Shigure-san." Still so formal, in spite of his familiarity. It just didn't feel right to call him by his name only. "Um, I had a break from school and—"

His thumb traced over her lips, stroked her cheek. Her trembling intensified. He continued to stare at her.

"That's not right. Isuzu told me to come back. She wrote me a letter. Um, so I came back." Oh, what was he going to think? "On the first plane I could get. I had to visit my parents first, though. I'm almost finished with my studies, did you know that? I thought I would never be finished with it. And, um, I have some new ideas for some books I'd like to write. Is Mii-chan still your editor? I thought I'd take the opportunity to shop them to her. I, um…" her babbling trailed off as he continued to stand and stare and touch. Finally, amidst all that uncertainty and fear, a bolt of irritation snapped through her. "Say something, would you?"

That seemed to break him out of his trance. He grabbed her arms and pulled her closer. His face tilted towards her. "What would you have me say? That I have been pining away here in my forest retreat for your return?" his voice was light, teasing. "Would you like me to regale you with stories of my sleepless nights spent worrying for you or about how every cute little college girl reminds me of you?"

She stiffened. Her face flushed with ire. "What about me? Do I tell you about how I crammed five years of doctorate studies into three so I wouldn't think about you?" she snapped. She put her hands on his arms and shoved against him. Her hazel eyes flashed acid green and he smiled. Even as she shoved with all her might, he kissed the angry words from her mouth. He kissed her until her grip slackened and her body had completely stopped shaking. When he broke the kiss, he turned one of her hands over and inspected the crescent-marked palm, stroking and kissing each deep groove.

"You should know by now that I never kiss and tell," he said, all levity leached from his tone. She felt that, in some way, she was seeing him for the first time. "Three years is too long to wait. There are probably some details that I've forgotten."

"Such as…?" she asked, eyes never leaving his face. She imagined this was how a person felt after days without water and finding an oasis. She drank in every inch of his face, every line and detail, every sensation.

"Well, hm… Rin and Haru are married now. I'm sure Rin told you? Haru had bought the ring a full three months before he asked her. Then he got lost taking her to his 'perfect location'."

"That sounds like him."

"Ha-san is on his honeymoon. My flower has had a baby—a little girl. She has orange hair like Kyo."

"I'm happy for her. I'm sure she's a wonderful mother."

"Hm."

"May I ask how Akito-san was convinced to release Kyo?"

"Ah, yes. I had nearly forgotten." His hands suddenly tightened on her again. "Let's see… how did it happen? I believe it had something to do with this sort of thing."

Tamae found herself hauled up against Shigure's chest. She blinked a moment, then began to push against him in a near-panic, not registering his arms wrapping around her. She froze as realization dawned and stared up at his smug expression. Then she smiled and laughed, throwing her arms around him. The two stood in the doorway for some time, savoring a feeling neither had experienced with the other. Finally, she spoke: "Do I still have a place here?"

He pulled her across the threshold and smiled. "I believe your teacup is around here somewhere."

FIN


End file.
